Who Am I?

Joe Stack Manifesto

2010-02-18T14:03:00.000-06:00

This guy flew his plane into a building that housed some federal IRS buildings in Austin, TX. I am posting it here for others to read since the intitial site was shut down:

If you’re reading this, you’re no doubt asking yourself, “Why did this have to happen?” The simple truth is that it is complicated and has been coming for a long time. The writing process, started many months ago, was intended to be therapy in the face of the looming realization that there isn’t enough therapy in the world that can fix what is really broken. Needless to say, this rant could fill volumes with example after example if I would let it. I find the process of writing it frustrating, tedious, and probably pointless… especially given my gross inability to gracefully articulate my thoughts in light of the storm raging in my head. Exactly what is therapeutic about that I’m not sure, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
We are all taught as children that without laws there would be no society, only anarchy. Sadly, starting at early ages we in this country have been brainwashed to believe that, in return for our dedication and service, our government stands for justice for all. We are further brainwashed to believe that there is freedom in this place, and that we should be ready to lay our lives down for the noble principals represented by its founding fathers. Remember? One of these was “no taxation without representation”. I have spent the total years of my adulthood unlearning that crap from only a few years of my childhood. These days anyone who really stands up for that principal is promptly labeled a “crackpot”, traitor and worse.

While very few working people would say they haven’t had their fair share of taxes (as can I), in my lifetime I can say with a great degree of certainty that there has never been a politician cast a vote on any matter with the likes of me or my interests in mind. Nor, for that matter, are they the least bit interested in me or anything I have to say.

Why is it that a handful of thugs and plunderers can commit unthinkable atrocities (and in the case of the GM executives, for scores of years) and when it’s time for their gravy train to crash under the weight of their gluttony and overwhelming stupidity, the force of the full federal government has no difficulty coming to their aid within days if not hours? Yet at the same time, the joke we call the American medical system, including the drug and insurance companies, are murdering tens of thousands of people a year and stealing from the corpses and victims they cripple, and this country’s leaders don’t see this as important as bailing out a few of their vile, rich cronies. Yet, the political “representatives” (thieves, liars, and self-serving scumbags is far more accurate) have endless time to sit around for year after year and debate the state of the “terrible health care problem”. It’s clear they see no crisis as long as the dead people don’t get in the way of their corporate profits rolling in.

And justice? You’ve got to be kidding!

How can any rational individual explain that white elephant conundrum in the middle of our tax system and, indeed, our entire legal system? Here we have a system that is, by far, too complicated for the brightest of the master scholars to understand. Yet, it mercilessly “holds accountable” its victims, claiming that they’re responsible for fully complying with laws not even the experts understand. The law “requires” a signature on the bottom of a tax filing; yet no one can say truthfully that they understand what they are signing; if that’s not “duress” than what is. If this is not the measure of a totalitarian regime, nothing is.

How did I get here?

My introduction to the real American nightmare starts back in the early ‘80s. Unfortunately after more than 16 years of school, somewhere along the line I picked up the absurd, pompous notion that I could read and understand plain English. Some friends introduced me to a group of people who were having ‘tax code’ readings and discussions. In particular, zeroed in on a section relating to the wonderful “exemptions” that make institutions like the vulgar, corrupt Catholic Church so incredibly wealthy. We carefully studied the law (with the help of some of the “best”, high-paid, experienced tax lawyers in the business), and then began to do exactly what the “big boys” were doing (except that we weren’t steeling from our congregation or lying to the government about our massive profits in the name of God). We took a great deal of care to make it all visible, following all of the rules, exactly the way the law said it was to be done.

The intent of this exercise and our efforts was to bring about a much-needed re-evaluation of the laws that allow the monsters of organized religion to make such a mockery of people who earn an honest living. However, this is where I learned that there are two “interpretations” for every law; one for the very rich, and one for the rest of us… Oh, and the monsters are the very ones making and enforcing the laws; the inquisition is still alive and well today in this country.

That little lesson in patriotism cost me $40,000+, 10 years of my life, and set my retirement plans back to 0. It made me realize for the first time that I live in a country with an ideology that is based on a total and complete lie. It also made me realize, not only how naive I had been, but also the incredible stupidity of the American public; that they buy, hook, line, and sinker, the crap about their “freedom”… and that they continue to do so with eyes closed in the face of overwhelming evidence and all that keeps happening in front of them.

Before even having to make a shaky recovery from the sting of the first lesson on what justice really means in this country (around 1984 after making my way through engineering school and still another five years of “paying my dues”), I felt I finally had to take a chance of launching my dream of becoming an independent engineer.

On the subjects of engineers and dreams of independence, I should digress somewhat to say that I’m sure that I inherited the fascination for creative problem solving from my father. I realized this at a very young age.

The significance of independence, however, came much later during my early years of college; at the age of 18 or 19 when I was living on my own as student in an apartment in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. My neighbor was an elderly retired woman (80+ seemed ancient to me at that age) who was the widowed wife of a retired steel worker. Her husband had worked all his life in the steel mills of central Pennsylvania with promises from big business and the union that, for his 30 years of service, he would have a pension and medical care to look forward to in his retirement. Instead he was one of the thousands who got nothing because the incompetent mill management and corrupt union (not to mention the government) raided their pension funds and stole their retirement. All she had was social security to live on.

In retrospect, the situation was laughable because here I was living on peanut butter and bread (or Ritz crackers when I could afford to splurge) for months at a time. When I got to know this poor figure and heard her story I felt worse for her plight than for my own (I, after all, I thought I had everything to in front of me). I was genuinely appalled at one point, as we exchanged stories and commiserated with each other over our situations, when she in her grandmotherly fashion tried to convince me that I would be “healthier” eating cat food (like her) rather than trying to get all my substance from peanut butter and bread. I couldn’t quite go there, but the impression was made. I decided that I didn’t trust big business to take care of me, and that I would take responsibility for my own future and myself.

Return to the early ‘80s, and here I was off to a terrifying start as a ‘wet-behind-the-ears’ contract software engineer... and two years later, thanks to the fine backroom, midnight effort by the sleazy executives of Arthur Andersen (the very same folks who later brought us Enron and other such calamities) and an equally sleazy New York Senator (Patrick Moynihan), we saw the passage of 1986 tax reform act with its section 1706.

For you who are unfamiliar, here is the core text of the IRS Section 1706, defining the treatment of workers (such as contract engineers) for tax purposes. Visit this link for a conference committee report (http://www.synergistech.com/1706.shtml#ConferenceCommitteeReport) regarding the intended interpretation of Section 1706 and the relevant parts of Section 530, as amended. For information on how these laws affect technical services workers and their clients, read our discussion here (http://www.synergistech.com/ic-taxlaw.shtml).

SEC. 1706. TREATMENT OF CERTAIN TECHNICAL PERSONNEL.

(a) IN GENERAL - Section 530 of the Revenue Act of 1978 is amended by adding at the end thereof the following new subsection:

(d) EXCEPTION. - This section shall not apply in the case of an individual who pursuant to an arrangement between the taxpayer and another person, provides services for such other person as an engineer, designer, drafter, computer programmer, systems analyst, or other similarly skilled worker engaged in a similar line of work.

(b) EFFECTIVE DATE. - The amendment made by this section shall apply to remuneration paid and services rendered after December 31, 1986.

Note:

· "another person" is the client in the traditional job-shop relationship.
· "taxpayer" is the recruiter, broker, agency, or job shop.
· "individual", "employee", or "worker" is you.

Admittedly, you need to read the treatment to understand what it is saying but it’s not very complicated. The bottom line is that they may as well have put my name right in the text of section (d). Moreover, they could only have been more blunt if they would have came out and directly declared me a criminal and non-citizen slave. Twenty years later, I still can’t believe my eyes.

During 1987, I spent close to $5000 of my ‘pocket change’, and at least 1000 hours of my time writing, printing, and mailing to any senator, congressman, governor, or slug that might listen; none did, and they universally treated me as if I was wasting their time. I spent countless hours on the L.A. freeways driving to meetings and any and all of the disorganized professional groups who were attempting to mount a campaign against this atrocity. This, only to discover that our efforts were being easily derailed by a few moles from the brokers who were just beginning to enjoy the windfall from the new declaration of their “freedom”. Oh, and don’t forget, for all of the time I was spending on this, I was loosing income that I couldn’t bill clients.

After months of struggling it had clearly gotten to be a futile exercise. The best we could get for all of our trouble is a pronouncement from an IRS mouthpiece that they weren’t going to enforce that provision (read harass engineers and scientists). This immediately proved to be a lie, and the mere existence of the regulation began to have its impact on my bottom line; this, of course, was the intended effect.

Again, rewind my retirement plans back to 0 and shift them into idle. If I had any sense, I clearly should have left abandoned engineering and never looked back.

Instead I got busy working 100-hour workweeks. Then came the L.A. depression of the early 1990s. Our leaders decided that they didn’t need the all of those extra Air Force bases they had in Southern California, so they were closed; just like that. The result was economic devastation in the region that rivaled the widely publicized Texas S&L fiasco. However, because the government caused it, no one gave a shit about all of the young families who lost their homes or street after street of boarded up houses abandoned to the wealthy loan companies who received government funds to “shore up” their windfall. Again, I lost my retirement.

Years later, after weathering a divorce and the constant struggle trying to build some momentum with my business, I find myself once again beginning to finally pick up some speed. Then came the .COM bust and the 911 nightmare. Our leaders decided that all aircraft were grounded for what seemed like an eternity; and long after that, ‘special’ facilities like San Francisco were on security alert for months. This made access to my customers prohibitively expensive. Ironically, after what they had done the Government came to the aid of the airlines with billions of our tax dollars … as usual they left me to rot and die while they bailed out their rich, incompetent cronies WITH MY MONEY! After these events, there went my business but not quite yet all of my retirement and savings.

By this time, I’m thinking that it might be good for a change. Bye to California, I’ll try Austin for a while. So I moved, only to find out that this is a place with a highly inflated sense of self-importance and where damn little real engineering work is done. I’ve never experienced such a hard time finding work. The rates are 1/3 of what I was earning before the crash, because pay rates here are fixed by the three or four large companies in the area who are in collusion to drive down prices and wages… and this happens because the justice department is all on the take and doesn’t give a fuck about serving anyone or anything but themselves and their rich buddies.

To survive, I was forced to cannibalize my savings and retirement, the last of which was a small IRA. This came in a year with mammoth expenses and not a single dollar of income. I filed no return that year thinking that because I didn’t have any income there was no need. The sleazy government decided that they disagreed. But they didn’t notify me in time for me to launch a legal objection so when I attempted to get a protest filed with the court I was told I was no longer entitled to due process because the time to file ran out. Bend over for another $10,000 helping of justice.

So now we come to the present. After my experience with the CPA world, following the business crash I swore that I’d never enter another accountant’s office again. But here I am with a new marriage and a boatload of undocumented income, not to mention an expensive new business asset, a piano, which I had no idea how to handle. After considerable thought I decided that it would be irresponsible NOT to get professional help; a very big mistake.

When we received the forms back I was very optimistic that they were in order. I had taken all of the years information to Bill Ross, and he came back with results very similar to what I was expecting. Except that he had neglected to include the contents of Sheryl’s unreported income; $12,700 worth of it. To make matters worse, Ross knew all along this was missing and I didn’t have a clue until he pointed it out in the middle of the audit. By that time it had become brutally evident that he was representing himself and not me.

This left me stuck in the middle of this disaster trying to defend transactions that have no relationship to anything tax-related (at least the tax-related transactions were poorly documented). Things I never knew anything about and things my wife had no clue would ever matter to anyone. The end result is… well, just look around.

I remember reading about the stock market crash before the “great” depression and how there were wealthy bankers and businessmen jumping out of windows when they realized they screwed up and lost everything. Isn’t it ironic how far we’ve come in 60 years in this country that they now know how to fix that little economic problem; they just steal from the middle class (who doesn’t have any say in it, elections are a joke) to cover their asses and it’s “business-as-usual”. Now when the wealthy fuck up, the poor get to die for the mistakes… isn’t that a clever, tidy solution.

As government agencies go, the FAA is often justifiably referred to as a tombstone agency, though they are hardly alone. The recent presidential puppet GW Bush and his cronies in their eight years certainly reinforced for all of us that this criticism rings equally true for all of the government. Nothing changes unless there is a body count (unless it is in the interest of the wealthy sows at the government trough). In a government full of hypocrites from top to bottom, life is as cheap as their lies and their self-serving laws.

I know I’m hardly the first one to decide I have had all I can stand. It has always been a myth that people have stopped dying for their freedom in this country, and it isn’t limited to the blacks, and poor immigrants. I know there have been countless before me and there are sure to be as many after. But I also know that by not adding my body to the count, I insure nothing will change. I choose to not keep looking over my shoulder at “big brother” while he strips my carcass, I choose not to ignore what is going on all around me, I choose not to pretend that business as usual won’t continue; I have just had enough.

I can only hope that the numbers quickly get too big to be white washed and ignored that the American zombies wake up and revolt; it will take nothing less. I would only hope that by striking a nerve that stimulates the inevitable double standard, knee-jerk government reaction that results in more stupid draconian restrictions people wake up and begin to see the pompous political thugs and their mindless minions for what they are. Sadly, though I spent my entire life trying to believe it wasn’t so, but violence not only is the answer, it is the only answer. The cruel joke is that the really big chunks of shit at the top have known this all along and have been laughing, at and using this awareness against, fools like me all along.

I saw it written once that the definition of insanity is repeating the same process over and over and expecting the outcome to suddenly be different. I am finally ready to stop this insanity. Well, Mr. Big Brother IRS man, let’s try something different; take my pound of flesh and sleep well.

The communist creed: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

The capitalist creed: From each according to his gullibility, to each according to his greed.

Joe Stack (1956-2010)
02/18/2010

Valentine's Dress!

2010-02-14T00:30:00.003-06:00

I had some extra money come in this month, and since the Joker was making a special trip to see me for Valentine's Day, I figured I could splurge on a new dress that I will most likely never wear again! I had looked at dresses online some. One of the stores at the mall had a website and I picked out a few dresses that I liked.

We went out on a Wednesday, The Baby and I. I picked The Baby up from the daycare and off we went! I found the store I had looked at online, Forever 21. I only found a couple of the dresses I had looked at online, but both had my size. One that I knew would look bad on me (and it did) and another that I was stoked about trying on because it was extremely cute!

For reference, here are the ones I found in the store:

#1 - looked horrible, I guess it was wishful thinking that even got me to try it on.It's really not my style at all! Feels kinda Madonna-ish with the emphasis on the boobs, doesn't it?

This next one is that one I liked best out of all the ones I saw online. I loved the rose-like embellishments around the hem! So, you can see why I was so stoked to try it on when I found it in store AND in my size! Alas, my enthusiasm was all for naught. The dress didn't seem very well made. The straps were removable, but in order to keep the dress up, I needed the straps to be taut. When I tightened the straps enough, they pulled the lining up instead of the dress! I was so disappointed. I had them hold it for me for a day. I figured I would look around the mall some more and if I didn't find anything, I would still have a day to think over whether it would be worth it to buy a dress I needed to alter.

It's cute, though, right? I wanted something like this so that I could get a black petticoat skirt to put underneath it to make it fuller and so that you could see a hint of black out the bottom, but this dress had a liner underneath, so that would have been awkward anyways...

So, I searched through the stores I had in mind and some that I didn't. My last resort for the day was a newer store that I hadn't seen before and can't, for the life of me, think of the name! I had low expectations. The store was small, only a few red dresses, barely any selection in sizes and no rhyme or reason to organization that I could see.

Then I saw it.

One red dress randomly placed on a rack with other black dresses that were not similar to it at all. It had the rose embellishment on it that I liked, and the poofy skirt that I wanted. I was skeptical. What are the odds that they would have such a cute dress like this in my size so close to Valentine's. I walked carefully over to it, gently pulled it towards me so that I could see the tag...

SMALL!! It was a SMALL!! MY SIZE!!

... but, how would it look?

Well, here, you decide!
Side Note - I had The Baby (yeah, yeah, I know she's 3 1/2, now) take these pictures... perhaps we have a budding photographer here?

#1 (I cropped it so as to spare you the sight of my horrendous morning hair, I snapped these pics to send to my mom)

#2 (When I saw that she had cropped the bottom of the dress in the previous picture, I told her we needed to see the bottom of the dress, too. She didn't quote get the 'too' part)

#3 (Now she's getting all artsy on me, isn't she?)

By this time, I think she was getting tired of me telling her to try again, so she decided that she wasn't going to follow my suggestion of holding the camera sideways anymore. (I had thought that would be easier for her to get the whole dress in the picture... I was wrong.) She got this picture on the first try. Granted, it's a little blurry and the color is off, but she still gets props for it. Haha!

#4

Wanna know my favorite part about this dress? It has pockets! *hee hee*

Eclipse Script Leaked...

2010-01-07T12:45:00.000-06:00

This was the title of a thread on a message board I frequent. When I saw it, I immediately wondered what Eclipse was, how she dropped it and why she needed a prescription for it in the first place...

(Eclipse is the name of the new movie coming out based on that vampire book series that I can't remember the name of the first one, but that's ok, I'm not going to read them anyways; I'm not all that in to vampire stories, but I do so like my run-on sentences; they make me happy...)

I should be doing laundry...

2009-12-11T00:15:00.000-06:00

Actually, I should be, sleeping because it's midnight, but neither The Baby nor I have anything practical to wear tomorrow. I really should have done laundry last night, but instead, I decided I would get up really early and put clothes in the wash and go back to bed. Yes, I am not only lazy and an "excellent" (I put that in quotations to make sure you could hear the sarcasm in my words, mmm-kay?) procrastinator, I also have unfounded faith in my ability to function in the morning.

Care to guess what happened when my alarm went off this morning?

Yep.

I hit the snooze button.

Every 10 minutes.

For three hours.

I'm going to go start a load of laundry, now...

Oh, is it irony? or just weird coincidence?

2009-12-03T17:20:00.000-06:00

Remember that story I wrote out a few months back? The one about looking for a ring and finding the candy canes instead? The candy canes that brought up memories of a Christmas 4 years in the past?

Yeah?

Well, I found the ring today.

In the very first drawer I looked in when I searched for it the first time. This time, I had memories twice as old as the former come flooding back. I don't remember much, good or bad. My very first real relationship. Somehow this ring has made it through 8 years and a move to a smaller house. I would return it, but if he didn't want it back 8 years ago, I'm pretty sure he's not going to want it now. What's he going to do with it? Give it to the pregnant girlfriend he's trying to cheat on with me? I doubt it.

It's strange the way we've changed. We reconnected through an internet social site a few months ago (hence the searching for the ring just to see if I still had it). I'm taller than he is, now. He used to be all about skinheadedness and started growing his hair after we broke up. He no longer speaks to the mutual friend I met him through. He wears skinny jeans, works in a leather shop that specializes in S&M products, I believe, and is in school for fashion design.

He's still as persistent as ever. Assumes that he can get his way if he keeps insisting and pushing me around. I, however, don't take his crap this time around. I make my own decisions. I got no butterflies in my stomach that first time I saw his name after these 8 long years.

I went to see him once in the last few months. He tried to act like we were 16 again and still together. Tried to force a kiss before I left and I threatened to physically hurt him. I think that shocked him into backing off. I haven't talked to him since.

Now, are you ready for the irony, or weird coincidence, or whatever?

When I went looking in that drawer, I was aiming for the Christmas CD in the back!

Christmas seems to be a common denominator in dredging up memories, huh? Wish it would remind me of happy times...

I think I am going to get rid of this ring. Then maybe I will stop thinking about the similarities in the relationships that worry me and start remembering the differences in the personalities that calm my fears.

2009-11-25T10:35:00.000-06:00

I just found out that a check that I wrote on Monday for $100, just went through on my account as $600 which caused that account (not my main account) to go under and incur an insufficient funds fee. This is the account is the one I use to pay the daycare. I have a certain amount deposited directly into this account from my paycheck, enough to cover the cost of two weeks, and the rest goes into my main account.

I called the bank and it will take 2-5 business days to fix, which means I do not have access to any of the money that is supposed to be in that account, including extra $50 I keep in there for emergencies that would have helped me replace the stupid tire on my car that keeps going flat! So here's hoping I have enough in my main account to cover the cost of the tire and my holiday traveling expenses!

So then I called the daycare provider and asked her to check her online for me. She said everything looked fine, but then, while I was on the phone with her, she got a $500 recall on her account! WTF?! Now she is having to call HER bank as well!

Happy Freaking Thanksgiving!!

*bleh*

**Ok, so I just talked to my dad and he is going to meet me up at the discount tire after work and has offered to pay if I do need to replace the tires! YAY!!

Halloween 2009 - whew Thank goodness it's OVER!!

2009-11-03T13:51:00.000-06:00

(This is a long, detailed description of my Friday night and Saturday, if you don't want to read it all, you can just look at the pictures and read the last sentence...)

The Baby insisted on being piglet for Halloween. Even if I could have found one to buy, they don't make piglet costumes for tall toddlers!

So I went to Joann's Friday night (10.30.09) after work and got some felt and fabric dye (just in case).

Then I went to WalMart. The one 30 minutes away because it's bigger than the one by my house and I knew for certain it would have the pink pants and matching shirt I needed. I not only found what I needed, I also found a perfect pink knit cap for $1!!

I found their leotards, but they weren't exactly what I needed, so I paid for the clothes I had picked up and headed across the street to the Target, which had Jack Shit for what I could use.

Ok, fine. I came all the way back to the WalMart by my house because I swore I saw a leotard like what I needed there. I was wrong and I couldn't even find the leotards that I had seen at the first WalMart! They weren't ideal, but I could've made it work, right?

By this time, it was getting late, it was past bedtime, I was cranky cause The Baby decided she wanted my dinner instead of hers, The Baby was cranky cause she was tired and I was getting crankier trying to deal with a tired, cranky toddler! So I took her home, put her to bed and left her with my dad so i could go to a DIFFERENT WalMart 15 minutes in a different direction.

I found the very small, 3x4ft aisle where WalMart keeps their dance wear, grabbed a small, short sleeved leotard and left, patting myself on the back, while kicking myself for not getting the leotard in the first place at the first WalMart.

I took everything home, took all the tags off and threw it all into the washer because I couldn't dye the leotard until it had been washed, right? Thank goodness I bought that dye!

After waiting and waiting for the washer to be done so I could start the dyeing process, I found that the darn leotard didn't even make it into the wash with everything else!!

I grabbed a few things and started a new load. This time, I made SURE the leotard was included. I didn't even get to start dying it until 1am!

It took a little over an hour to dye. I rinsed it in the bathtub as well as I could and threw it in the wash with an old towel.

While waiting for the dye to set, I started on making piglet ears. I cut large, leaf-like shapes out of felt, pinched them in the middle and stitched it so the pinch would stay. This way I could be sure that the ears would stand up when I sewed them onto the $1 hat I found at the WalMart!

1ear done!(1am):

2ears done! (2am!):

When the washer stopped, I hung the leotard up to dry and went to bed. It was 3am!

We were up by 7:30 the next morning and The Baby was SO happy with her piglet ears.

So happy, obviously, that she had to try them on before even going to the bathroom! haha!

I put on a Winnie the Pooh dvd for her to watch and set out to add the finishing touches to the leotard. A pair of scissors and a sharpie later and voila!

PRESENTING, THE BABY as PIGLET!:

Oh d-d-d-DEAR!!

(Please, please, please somebody notice that my little piglet has pigtails!)

THEN - I left my purse and camera (VERY important to have) at a friends house on the way to The Guy's to meet up with BMF (Best Mom Friend) and BBF (The Baby's best friend) at BBF's dad's house for ToTing (BBF's dad lives less than a minute away from The Guy). geez, that was a mouthful...

So, I dropped The Guy and The Baby off with BMF, BBF's dad and BBF and went off to get my camera. They were done ToTing before I even got to where I had left it!

It's all good as long as The Baby liked her costume and got to go trick or treating, right? yeah. it is. *smile*

I told The Guy that Halloween was his responsibility next year. Ha!

So, in short, I spent all night on a costume only to miss seeing her trick or treat in it because I had to have my stupid camera. Worst Halloween E.V.E.R. (Except for the cuteness that is My Little Piglet!)

Memory

2009-08-30T10:58:00.002-05:00

A strange thing. Everyone remembers things differently. It's interesting to think how two people can be in the same place at the same time and remember completely different parts of that time. It's crazy the little things I can remember from years ago, but then I can't remember whether or not I ate breakfast this morning. Also, the things that trigger these memories can be so completely random. Like, if I can remember what I was wearing on a particular day, I can remember details about that day that no one else would. Or, If you can tell me what I was wearing, I can tell you the date if it's within a month. Strange. Very strange the way the mind works.

Today, I was searching through my drawers looking for a ring that it is possible that I have thrown away. Not probable; I remember thinking about going outside and just flinging it as far as I could, but I doubt I ever really did. There's not telling where it has ended up, now, I didn't find it.

What I did find, buried in the bottom of my desk drawer, was 14 peppermint candy canes. I immediately knew how many there were without having to count them. I remember the night I begged to go look at the Christmas lights in the park, how it was the end of the season and the ladies handing out the candy canes at the end gave us all they had in their hands. 14 to be exact. I remember counting. I remember it being dark and going to look at more Christmas lights around the town. I gave horrible directions. I said to go straight, because I thought we were on a different street. You couldn't go straight on this one.

This was years ago, and yet, every aspect of that night came flooding back because of these stupid candy canes.

I threw them away.

I don't even like peppermint.

Good Riddance.

2009-05-21T15:35:00.001-05:00

BATTLE!!

2009-05-21T15:33:00.000-05:00

I just stalked a Spider...

Seriously.

This was no ordinary spider, this was one of those Spiders that looks like a tiny tarantula. Hairy and ugly. I have a sneaking suspicion it is the same Spider I saw climbing up the outside of my window the other day. He was caught between the window and the screen. He must have heard my *sigh* of relief and silent laughing at his plight and came back for revenge...

I'm trying to upload a video I took, I doubt it will work...

He (or she?!) was climbing up the door frame, I was trying to file, but just couldn't bring myself to have my back facing this monster. For goodness sakes, I saw it JUMP!!

Now, I could have asked one of the guys in the office to dispose of it for me, but why do they need to know how much of a wimp I am?

I watched it for a while. Thank goodness no one saw the look of utter horror on my face as they walked past. I tried to get a picture of it, but it was moving so jerkily and quickly that all I got were little blurs with many, many legs. Oh my, so many legs.... so many....

*cough*

Sorry.

So it was climbing so fast and so high, I, being the stupid girl that I am, decide to blow at it to see if I can get it to stop...

That little fucker dived off of that door frame and nearly landed on me!

I look down and he has disappeared into the multi-colored carpet.

"Bad plan, very BAD plan."

Now it's on the floor, I can sit in the chair and finish my filing with my feet off the floor looking like an idiot, but he could still climb up the legs of the chair!

So I get down on the floor, searching with my face as close to the floor as i dared and searched for the damn thing. I would find it, stand up to step on it and it would be moving so quickly that I couldn't even kill it with my big ol' feet!! (seriously, they're huge)

I started looking for it while bent over instead of actually being on the floor and that damn Spider was STILL too fast for me!! I would think I squished him, but there wouldn't be any spidey guts on my shoe and when I would go to look for them on the floor, I would catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye. It was like a weird kind of dance and I would much rather never learn the rest...

We went back and forth like this for a good few minutes. I chased him out of the office, but for the rest of the day, I will sit in MY office, scared to death because this is the direction he was heading when I couldn't find him anymore!

Spider: 1
Me: 0

*sigh*

OH GOD IS THAT SOMETHING CRAWLING ON MY LEG?!??!

Love YOU!!

2009-04-22T03:18:00.004-05:00

Well, I believe we have broached the topic of 'love' before....

As I recall, I was not very upbeat or optimistic about the whole subject. I never was one of those girls who gushed over a guy. Never had smarmy nicknames like 'Schmoopie', or 'SugaDumplin'SweetiePie'....

Never liked those stupid, "I love you"-"I love you more!"-"No, I love YOU more!" games (Still don't!) That just wasn't my style.

I have actually cringed when a guy called me his girlfriend(we hadn't discussed anything of the sort) and have corrected another for telling me he loved me after only three weeks or something ridiculous like that.

I will admit I have been cynical. Heck, I already have!

Well, kiddos, today is a post of a different color. Or perhaps it is more black and white:

This is my profile picture on my facebook.

Yes, I took it myself, I take all my own pictures, you ought to know that by now! Sometimes I wish I had photoshop for real so I could do lots of cool stuff, but I'll settle for this, for now.

This is me, kissing.... wait for it.... wait for it.... my boyfriend. (Wait did I really say it out loud? We're in a facebook relationship, so it must be real, right?!) He says this is the universal sign that you are in a relationship, when the girl puts up a picture of the two of you kissing. That's when it's official. If you're gunna freak out and run, do it now cause there ain't no turning back! ;D

I know, in the past, I have had a severe allergic reaction to this type of affection... but somehow, this is different. Very different. This is not some guy who has fallen instantly in love with me. This is a guy I have known for 10 years. Can't say he doesn't know me, can I? He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. When he says these things, there is no urge to vomit. (That's a pretty thought, huh?) When he says he loves me, there is no hesitation when I respond with "I love you, too." I know he means it. As do I. When I send him a heart symbol through text messaging, my own heart longs to be the one on it's way to him.

I can't help it. I am that girl. That gushing, nickname calling, "I love you whole bunches!" kinda girl. He brings out the smarm in me and I love it.

I've been trying to write this post for days. It's been in my head for a lot longer! I mentioned this to him and offered him the privilege of choosing his own alias. His first suggestion: God.

I vetoed that one.

His next suggestion? Jesus the Lord. (J.L. for short, of course!)

Sorry. Next?

This is where he asked my opinion. I told him that if he didn't choose, I was just going to call him The BF.

He offered me more variations on his first two suggestions. (Jesus Christ, J.C., The Lord Our God (The L.G. for short). I was not amused. Blasphemy is not one of my favorite subjects.

He suggested I call him The Dude, but I fear that is just too close to The Guy's alias. What a mess that would be if I got the names confused!

The next thought he had was 'Jeff'(Andonuts) a character from the video game, 'Earthbound'. While the character fits (intelligent, creative, glasses and a blond chili-bowl haircut like the one he had when he was younger), It is not a good alias as it would be very confusing using an actual name. Well, it would be confusing for me, at least!

We finally decided on 'The Joker':

A fitting alias. I approve! He went as joker for Halloween last year and I wish I could have been there to see it, or help him make it, or even been there when the tread came off his tire in the middle of nowhere so that he wouldn't have been alone. I wish I could have been there to make things better.

Well, I loved his costume in pictures!

Aw Hell, I love him.

*daydreamy sigh*

Now if only he didn't live four hours away! What a punk!

(Love you, Baby!)

I <3...

2009-04-13T13:34:00.004-05:00

I started receiving these e-mails from iheartdaily.com about a month or two ago. Don't ask how I stumbled upon the site, because I really have no clue. I remember signing up for them, but that's about it. I'm very glad I did.

Every morning, I get an e-mail from them about something the authors (or guest authors in some cases) have found that they love. Each article ranges in spectrum from fashion to books to news to music. For example, I have learned about t-shirt prom dresses, The Sledge Grits Band, and affordable glasses that use water to adjust the strength of the lenses.

One of the things I gave up during Lent was purchasing unnecessary clothing. My will-power was strained to the breaking point when the link to Sock Dreams showed up in my I Heart Daily e-mail. I have a deep affinity for unique socks. The only plain socks I have in my sock drawer are white ankle socks for work and even some of those have a ring of color around the cuff. Even now, I am drooling over this website.

Now you know my dirty little fashion secret. I have even been known to wear fun knee high socks with my Capri pants. Yes, yes. Fashion disaster, right here. If I hadn't had to throw those Capri pants away because I popped a button (*gasp*), I would take a picture so you could see how I rock my fashion statements!

My point for telling you about I Heart Daily is not just because I think you should subscribe to their daily e-mails, 'cause really, you should. It's like a ray of sunshine in my inbox every morning. I mean, their tagline is "You’ll never hear about stuff we hate, just stuff we heart. We’re nice that way." You can't go wrong with that!

The real reason I am giving you the background on I Heart Daily has a lot to do with what I got in my inbox from them this morning. Today, I Heart Daily hearts an etsy jewelry designer. Her shop is called yellowgoats. In particular, her $15 version of the seller's original Good Time Ring. It is a picture frame for your finger! I Love it!

I had heard of etsy before, but I had never felt the need to check it out, really, but I just had to check this seller out. I clicked the link and soon decided that I had to sign up so that I could add this seller and some of her pieces to my favorites. My favorite piece from her store is a small matchbox necklace. The handmade box, which is stamped with the words, Perfect Match, actually slides open to reveal two small matches inside. A bit out of my price range, but still absolutely wonderful.

So I created an account and decided to browse. I didn't really get a chance to look at much. In fact, I only looked at one other seller. One of her pieces was displayed under the gift guide and I fell instantly in love. Her shop is called KeysAndMemories. She creates wonderful jewelry from vintage typewriter keys. My favorite from her shop is this XO earring set.

As I searched through all of her listings, I found that she does not only make jewelry from typewriter keys. She also makes beautiful Glass Tile Necklaces. My favorite being the Wonderland XO Glass Tile Necklace. I'm debating whether or not I should ask for a JS (my initials) necklace like that one. I am slightly impulsive, but the past 6 weeks of limited spending seem to have inhibited my impulse buying habits... We'll have to see. ;)

I'm a flake, it's ok, everyone else knows, you should, too.

2009-03-04T14:08:00.004-06:00

I'm sorry I haven't written anything in a while. *smack hand* I know, I know. The trip to Florida was good. I haven't done anything with any of the pictures, I need to get on that... *blush*

I'll catch up with some stuff from the past three months in a little bit later. I'm here today to bring you a story from the past week that has had me in agony from the pain of shin splints. You, however, will probably be laughing at my misfortune! Shame on you!

I get shin splints every time I run. I don't run regularly, and am in no sort of shape. Just for the record, you know... I honestly blame colorguard and marching band for introducing me to this pain. Seriously. I believe the constant laps I had to run for my being late are the initial cause. I often wonder if I would get them so often now if I hadn't gotten them for that first time in high school...

What's that you say? Maybe I should have been on time? Well then my nickname of 7:20 would not have made sense, so shove it!

Okay, okay, enough complaining, here's your story for the day!

I was in a hurry. I parked the wrong way in a parking lot of angled spots at the post office. I was just going to jump out real quick to put a FedEx envelope in the drop box, so I left the car running. I got out of the car and closed the door behind me as I ran up to the drop box.

When I got back to the car, I realized that I have programmed myself to lock the doors whenever I get out of the car. (If I don't do it every time, I forget for days...) This time was no different.

Yep. I had locked my keys in the car with the engine running.

Along with my phone, my purse and any number of enticing and useful items...

I couldn't call work for help, most people were gone already anyways. I was supposed to meet up with The Guy cause he owed me money; I couldn't call him and tell him what was up. There was no one else in the parking lot that I could borrow a phone from, not that I would know any numbers anyways, I have become way to dependent on my phone knowing the important numbers. [expletive deleted]

I briefly debated grabbing the trashcan/ashtray in front of the post office and breaking a window. I decided against it. With my luck, the thing was probably plastic.

So I ran back to work.

It wasn't far, a couple or three blocks.

Big G., the only guy who hadn't left work for the day, drove me back to the post office. He called a few friends to get an idea of what to do, left me with his phone and went to his house to grab a wire coat hanger and some tools. I called work and had the office manager look up the number to the daycare to call them to tell them what was going on.

Big. G returned a few minutes later and I am amazed at just how easy it was to pop that damn lock, especially for someone who had never done it before! Shit!

So, since I paid the car off a few weeks ago, I had a spare key at home. It is now here in my desk at work. Things could have been so much worse. I'm glad they weren't.

And, of course, the story was all over the office the next day. "Do you know where your keys are?" was a very popular phrase...

*sigh*

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-29T10:58:00.002-06:00

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas or a Happy Hanukkah!

I started losing my voice a few days before Christmas and I still haven't found it. Well, at least I haven't found mine. I seem to have stumbled upon the voice of a very large, emphysematic (yes, I just made that word up...) biker who has smoked 3 packs a day for the past 45 or so years, though. I imagine that he has a balding head, a long black ponytail with a touch of grey, a fully grey handlebar moustache and a big studded black leather jacket with matching pants. Can you hear it? I can.

This happens a couple times per year, this losing my voice thing. Last time,I couldn't remember what my voice sounded like normally, so when it finally did come back, I wasn't sure it was really mine!

I will be leaving Wednesday morning for Tampa to visit my Mom and Gramma. We will be gone for the better part of a week.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Years Eve!

Until next year!

Picture FUN!!

2008-12-23T11:31:00.002-06:00

I had been trying to get Christmas pictures done for over a week. I was planning to do them this past Saturday while The Guy was working.

A couple days before, he informs me that him mom and his aunt really want to watch The Baby while he is working. I told him I was planning on taking pictures and he asks me why I can't do them on Monday after work. (Three days before Christmas) If I put it off again, it won't get done, I had been trying to do it after work all week!

We agree that I will take her for the afternoon and bring her back for dinner so I can get the pictures done. I woke up excited Saturday only to find a txt message on my phone asking, once again, if I can wait on the pictures because now his sister is coming home to see her.

So I called him.

"If I don't get to do these today, then I want you to bring her back early tomorrow and help me with the pictures."

"Ok, yeah, I guess I can do that."

So, Sunday rolled around and what did he do?

He put her down for her nap an hour and a half late, brought her back on time (not early, he was actually 5 minutes late if we're going to be technical about it) and dared to tell me that it doesn't take that long to take pictures.

*exasperated sigh*

Thank goodness I had everything set up! The back drop was set, the lighting was good, I cleaned the white chair so that it actually looks white. We were ready!

I made up a plate of chicken, mashed potatoes and basil pasta for The Baby. (Leftovers from our company Christmas party this past Friday.) I cut up her chicken and stuck it in the microwave. I already knew The Guy would be hungry and was already making his plate when I asked him if he was. (He got the last of the left overs.)

FINALLY...

Both plates were clean, it's time to get The Baby dressed for what promised to be an exhausting ordeal.

The guy dressed her, tights and all, all by himself. I was quite impressed!

We set her up on the chair. I got the camera out, ready to start snapping...

WHAT?!?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BATTERY IS DEAD?!?!

I took the battery out and stuck it on the charger . I was going to give it about 15 minutes and I hoped that would be long enough to get a few good shots before it died again. Then I figured we could charge it again while we changed her into the second dress! Perfect!

To keep her entertained while we waited for the battery to charge, we both started snapping pictures with our phones. If only my phone had better than a 2mp camera on it, I swear some of those pictures turned out really cute!

Of course, she used most of her cute poses on the camera phones and by the time we got the regular camera back out, it was all silliness!

She grabbed a TY lamb off the bed and I let her use it in the pictures. Good thinking Baby! A Prop! Too bad her next choice was a rock that she had brought in from the driveway last week....

Well, the battery charging plan worked just as I had hoped and we got some good pictures. By about 8:30, somebody was getting cranky so we had to stop. I think we wore her out good because she went down for bedtime really easily. Thank Goodness!

Finally!

2008-12-15T21:45:00.003-06:00

I've been wanting to get this done for YEARS!! I finally just decided that today was the day!

Merry Early Christmas to Me!

Do you Woot?

2008-12-10T22:01:00.011-06:00

http://www.woot.com/

http://www.woot.com/WhatIsWoot.aspx

Basically, woot.com is a website that puts up a new 'Deal A Day' everyday. Usually a pretty good deal, or so I'm told. Plus shipping is only $5 for anything. (The writers pull out some pretty funny stuff in the descriptions as well, so if you don't go for the 'stuff', you'll at least get a kick out of that!)

Periodically, they will have a 'Woot Off' where they put up something until it is sold out. Don't worry, though, they usually put things up multiple times throughout the ordeal, which could last anywhere from 24 - 72 hours. A 'Woot Off' can be identified by the orange flashing lights on the main page.

At some point during a 'Woot Off', Woot will offer up a coveted 'Bag of Crap'. A BoC is sold for only $1 and could contain any number of things (it is defined as 3 different things, but that is not always the case). Anything that they have not been able to sell or don't think are worth selling, you'll have to ask them, I guess. I hear someone actually got one of those spiffy, cool, roaming robot vacuums in her $1 BoC!

I should also mention at this point that these BoCs are coveted so because it is a task to get one. Once it comes up in a Woot Off, you better believe every person watching woot.com is going to be clicking the 'I want one!' button, which, in turn, is hard on the system. Servers crashing left and right I'm sure. I have successfully obtained two BoCs during the past two Woot Offs. It has not come up yet for this one.

Well, to make a point of this description, I have a story to go with:

During the last 'Woot Off', I obtained a BoC.

For my $6.50 ($1BoC+$5shipping+$.50tax cause I live in the same state), I received the following.

Words cannot adequately convey how hard I laughed when I opened this:

Each small box contains a life size, life like, ceramic pack of doublemint gum and one miniature ceramic piece of doublemint gum.

Each pack contains 3 small boxes.

The case contains 24 packs.

That's right, I am now the 'proud' owner of 72 ceramic packs of Doublemint Gum.

Sweet! er... Minty!

Guess I've got Christmas covered, huh?

* I noticed I am getting some hits from real wooters (I'm really only a whenever-I-remember kind of wooter) *waves* Thanks Gretchen! - Please feel free to add to or correct my woot.com description if you feel it is inadequate!

"I'm a little Teapot..."

2008-12-09T13:29:00.002-06:00

"I'm a little Teapot,

Short and Stout.

Here is my handle,

and here is my Spout.

When I get all steamed up,

Hear me shout!

Then tip me over

and pour me out!"

Sometimes I wish I could be like that. When I would get real steamed up and dangerously mad, I could just lean a little to the left. The steam would escape, taking with it the red I was seeing, the fogginess it was creating in my brain and The headache that was forming prom the stress the pressure was putting on my brain.

I would be able to think clearly and rationally about whatever it was that was making me mad. I would be able to understand the consequences of the violence I was considering. I would be able to calmly state my feelings without a passive aggressive undertone.

The only maybe not so sweet part is that people would be able to tell when I was pissed. They would start running when they hear me walking down the hall whistling 'Dixie'. The dogs would never come inside and there would be mold everywhere! Not to mention what would happen if I didn't lean to the left! Well, at least I wouldn't have to clean up that mess, right?

And what guy would want to be with a girl who is always leaning, anyways? Having water and steam coming out of your left ear (or would it be my left hand?) is probably not the aesthetic appeal I should be going for, huh?

Okay, on second thought...

I'm okay with being me.

YOU

2008-12-08T01:23:00.000-06:00

Make me crazy in the head.

Damn you, Winnie the Pooh...

2008-12-05T13:03:00.006-06:00

On Monday, 12.01.08, The Baby went running into the living room. She was excited about something, I had told her to go sit on the couch. What I was going to give her, I can't recall at the moment, but she was excited. (It was probably something food related.)

She said, "Okay!" and scampered off around the corner. I was about a second behind her. Far enough to see, in slow motion, of course, her trip over her ride on Winnie the Pooh toy and tackle the coffee table with her face.

It was already a large lump accompanied by a bruise in the split second it took me to get to her.

I tried to get her to let me hold the ice pack on her forehead, but she wasn't having any of it.

The lump was mostly gone by morning, but the bruise remained diligently.

I ran (no not literally) by the Whole Foods during my lunch break and picked up some arnica gel. It is supposed to aid in the healing of bruises and the like. I chose the gel because it would be absorbed quicker than a cream.

I didn't get a picture of the initial lump, but I took this picture yesterday morning, 12.04.08.

As bad as it looks, it looks a LOT better. You can see that it's mostly green already. Although she now has a black eye to go with the bump. That showed up Wednesday night, I think. Hopefully it is on it's way to disappearing soon, I am hoping to take Christmas pictures by next week! The guy is going to take her to get her hair trimmed this weekend!

My poor Baby!

Damnit...

2008-12-03T15:29:00.002-06:00

I locked my keys in my car... :\

I blame you.

It doesn't work like that.

2008-12-03T11:46:00.003-06:00

Pretending that nothing happened does not make it go away. I know you got the messages I sent, so there is absolutely NO freaking way you could not have known that I was pissed.

Kudos for calling back when you said you would. Negative kudos for not answering or calling back when we got disconnected.

Looks like you are back to square one.

_ _ _

When I give you a time when I could possibly bring The Baby to see you because I will be in the area, not getting back to me until 20 minutes before the time I gave you is not going to work. Especially when you say we can only visit only for 30 minutes or so. Don't give me stipulations when I'm doing you a favor.

Telling me it's good that I told you nevermind because you're about to pass out makes me wonder what you thought this visit would be like. Why would I want to bring her to see you only to have you so exhausted that you are about to fall asleep? Where is the sense in that?

Think about it.

Oh wait, that's right - you don't do that.

My bad, I forgot.

xoxo
Me.

I apologize in advance for my inevitable profanity...

2008-12-01T14:05:00.002-06:00

Let me get this straight...

You tell me what I want to hear only to do whatever the fuck you want to do anyways?
I tell you your daughter has been asking, no, telling me that she is going to see her daddy and she's going to go over to her daddy's house today, every day, for the past FOUR days and you don't even TRY to come see her?

Then, when I finally do ask you to come over, you give me some lame ass excuse. When I tell you I am tired of telling YOUR Daughter that no, she is NOT going to see her daddy today, you say you'll figure something out. Which was obviously a FUCKING LIE.

You didn't think about it, you never think about anything! Then you fucking avoided me. Did not answer your damn phone, did not call me back, did not answer my text messages. You didn't have the fucking BALLS to let me know that you weren't coming. You Fucking coward. You cannot just avoid confrontation and hope it goes away. Grow up and be a man. You have a kid and that fact doesn't change just because you wanna hang out with your friends.

The Baby said she was going to see you that day as well - I didn't answer because I did not know what to say.

Don't worry, though. I know exactly what to say now. "No, honey, we are not going to see your daddy today. If he shows to pick you up on Friday, you will see your daddy. We're not going to let him in the house though. He has worn out his welcome here."

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T13:48:00.003-06:00

Soon, we will be in the car headed to Copperas Cove. Soon, as in, as soon as our damn clothes are dry! I know; I know. It's my fault for procrastinating. I should have put them in the wash last night or something. I KNOW! There's no changing what's already done. I just have to sit here and wait. Of course, I am not packing anything else. I can't even think about what else we are bringing until I am dressed!

I know, that's kind of pathetic, but just think! Soon I will be dressed and rushing to pack everything I need for an overnight visit in within the span of 15 minutes! It'll be great! I'll frantically go over the list in my head trying not to forget anything, but I can't go straight down the list. It's there, in my head, I can see it, but I just can't read it in an orderly fashion.

I start with the main items. Pillows and blankets, two changes of clothes in case one gets soiled, toiletries such as toothbrushes and toothpaste... WAIT I forgot socks!! What shoes am I going to wear?! I should bring my flip flops just to wear around the house. Did I get socks for The Baby?! Pull-Ups!! Can't forget those!! Should I bring all of the diaper creams and the Vick's in case she starts coughing? Naw, but I know she's going to need it as soon as we get there just because I didn't bring it...

Hmmmm..... I'm hungry, I should bring snacks. No, wait, we're going for Thanksgiving dinner! you can't snack the whole way there! Then you wouldn't be hungry! The Baby will be sleeping so she won't need snacks... Did I grab her blanket?

Then, when we get there, she will have peed in her Pull-Up and I will go to the bag only to realize that I never grabbed her bag with all of her potty training necessities...

Dang.

Ok! Clothes are dry! Off to dress myself and The Baby!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Time for Giving Thanks

2008-11-26T10:42:00.003-06:00

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Food, Fun and Family. Some of the best things in life.

The Baby and I will be travelling to Copperas Cove where my cousin is hosting Thanksgiving Dinner this year. It's about a two and a half hour drive. We will attempt to utilize this time in the form of a nap. I invited The Guy to come along in the hopes that I would not have to make the drive alone, but he has already committed to helping make food for his own family. He's a good guy. Mostly.

I've been very angry this week so I'm going to take a little time now to think about what it is that I am Thankful for.

My beautiful Baby.
The fact that her father is who he is. I wouldn't change that for the world.
My dad. I don't know where we'd be if it weren't for him.
My Mommy. I would be lost if I couldn't talk to her. She makes me think about how I'm handling these situations. She always has a new way to look at something.
My job. Without the raise I got this year, I would be having a hard time doing Christmas this year.
My Baby's wonderfully active imagination.
My friends - IRL and online - You are all wonderful.
Calls and messages from my friends who have moved away. I miss you all, too!
That I know for certain that I have the strength to handle any situation that is thrown at me and if I should ever forget, that I have good friends who have got my back.
My Brother. Even though we never talk and I know nothing of what is going on with you, I am glad that you are my brother and I Love You.
That The Baby's clothes that are too small will be going to close friends who can make good use of them.
I have a working sewing machine and aspirations of a baby blanket - and a little blue Dolly!
Being able to help friends in need.
That I am able to have a good time despite unwelcome and unwanted events.

The feeling of happiness that all these things bring.

Did I mention My Baby?

What are you Thankful for?

Excerpts from my living room...

2008-11-26T10:21:00.003-06:00

*slurp slurp*
"Dog." *smack*
*pause* *confused look* *slurp slurp*
"DOG!" *smack*
*gets up and moves away*
"Why you smacking my dog?"
"He's licking his butt!"
"It's his house; I'm sure if you wanted to lick your butt, he wouldn't object."
*slurp slurp*
"In fact, I bet he'd help!"
*pillow flying across room*

P.S.

2008-11-26T10:19:00.001-06:00

Did I mention he left a bruise on my neck?

Did I mention that I relayed the important parts of this story to The Guy? His response: "Oh, that sucks."

Whatever, I'm over it.

The DRUNK

2008-11-25T11:41:00.003-06:00

Date and Time: Saturday, 11.22.08 - late
Scene: The minuscule dance floor of Sherlock's Baker St. Pub, Live band (The Max) on stage
Cast: The Momma (myself), The Girlfriend, Guy Friend #1, Guy Friend #2, Girlfriend #2, and DRUNK(Friend of a friend of The Girlfriend - not there with us)

Our happy little group was out on the dance floor, rockin' out, having a good time. DRUNK appears, I only notice him because he is standing on my foot and either doesn't notice or doesn't care enough to move. I can tell he is piss drunk and dismiss him from the back of my mind. He does not, however, dismiss me. He finally notices me and is immediately drawn to my bare shoulders. He begins a quite intense massage.

Okay. This is actually really nice. Something I've needed for a while. I'm enjoying it. Wait a minute! Is he biting my shoulders?!? We're in the middle of a bar, aren't we? This is not acceptable! No, no, no! Me moving your hands away from my chest is not an invitation for you to try groping my lower half! He is now whispering in my ear, "You're so Hot. I love you. I love you cause you're so hot."

Is there an appropriate response to that? I'm sure there is, but I can't think straight. He thinks I can't hear him, so he moves into my line of sight and tries sign language. Points to himself, creates the image of a heart with his hands and then points to me. ... ... ...

The Girlfriend looks over and sees my look of panic. She is concerned. Thumbs up or thumbs down?! I try to tell her without letting DRUNK in on what I am doing. She doesn't understand. I finally have to move him so that I can give her a big, fat thumb DOWN behind his back. She grabs my hand and pulls me into the crowd.

He follows.

The Girlfriend rushes off to get help.

Guy Friend #1 asks if I'm alright. I push between him and Girlfriend #2, put my arm around him in hopes that DRUNK will take the hint. I breathe a small sigh of relief, feeling safer in the crowd and tell him, "I am now." I bet you already know what happens now, don't you? Yeah, he tries to push through to get to me again. Guy Friend #2 steps in.

DRUNK pushes Guy Friend #2 and proceeds to fall backwards onto his drunk ass from the force of the recoil. I do not notice any of this. I am trying to pretend that this DRUNK doesn't exist. I don't even turn around until Guy Friend #2 comes back and says that he got rid of him. In my happiness, I throw my arms around him, giving him a big hug and say "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Moments later, The Girlfriend rushes in asking where he is. We all point in the same direction. DRUNK is still falling over himself at the corner of the dance floor. She gets behind him and uses both hands to point at him. Using large hand gestures so that there would be no doubt as to who she was indicating.

A Bouncer escorts him off the premises and he is arrested. Probably for public intoxication.

That was my impromptu night out. Good thing I had only had two drinks. I certainly didn't have any more.

_ _ _

I think it sounds worse than it was. It wasn't like he was this big, burly man beast. Just a tall, skinny kid who didn't know his limit. Had it come down to it, I probably could have beat him. It wouldn't have been too hard, considering his state of intoxication.

*sigh*

I'm going to start a new trend on the bar scene - potato sacks.

It's done.

2008-11-19T22:40:00.004-06:00

It's been over a year since the Southern Comfort Incident. I feel silly admitting this, but that shot glass has been sitting in the same cabinet this whole time. That's right. It's been sitting there, sticky and coated with the stench of alcohol for the past year and then some. I have not been able to bring myself to even touch it, let alone clean it!

Well, today, I convinced myself that it was time. Time to clean that damn shot glass and get it out of the back of my mind. As usual, it slipped my mind until I was getting ready to hit the bed. I debated waiting until tomorrow. I went back and forth with myself, all the while knowing that if I put it off any longer, it wouldn't get done.

So I opened the cabinet. It's not there.

Wait, there isn't anywhere it could have gone! I moved some bottles around. Ah, there it is. As soon as I picked it up, He called.

A Miracle!

I know I've said it before, but that N.E.V.E.R. happens!

We talked for a few minutes, I told him how well The Baby went down for bedtime and how she is still pooping in two potties in one session (this particular session occurred at my church.), and how we are going to be having visitors at work for the next two days so I'm going to have to wear my emblem embroidered shirt both days. It was a nice little conversation that ended with him saying he thinks his phone is dying. Not the perfect ending, but not a bad one either!

I hung up the phone and smiled all the way to the kitchen. I opened up a new package of sponges, turned on only the hot water and I washed that little shot glass within an inch of it's life. Inside and out, all round over and over until I was certain that there could not possibly be any more whiskey. I then set that damn shot glass on my nightstand, right next to my bed, so that I will never forget the steps we have taken to get here.

It's amazing how something so small can feel so liberating.

I felt like I was washing away all the bad memories we had accumulated. Like now we could have a fresh start no matter what the outcome of our talk that will happen by Sunday night at the latest. Whether he tells me he's ready and knows what he wants or he has no idea what he wants and doesn't want to complicate things, I am ready.

Our friendship, our relationship, our parental partnership has a brand new, squeaky clean cover.

And it makes me smile.

Damn fine... ahem 'Fine damnit'

2008-11-19T14:32:00.002-06:00

He did not call back last night. That's okay, he has that reputation for not calling that he needs to keep up, right? I called him this morning and again a little while ago. He didn't pick up either time and I didn't leave a message. I don't like leaving messages. Voicemail makes my voice sound weird, although he assures me that I really do sound like that. I always thought my voice was deeper than that...
Anyways...

I just talked to him, he profusely assured me he is fine. He rear ended somebody. He told me it was Big Truck (him) vs. little car (them).

I told him I wanted to see him after work but he said he wasn't sure whether he would be there because he had to take something over to his grandparents. Which prompted me to remind him that I work 5 minutes from his grandparents' house. Hopefully he will take that into consideration so that I can have visual confirmation to go with his assurances that he is fine.

I knew...

2008-11-18T19:32:00.002-06:00

It had been 45 minutes since I called him. He said he would be leaving soon. He should have been here by then, but he wasn't.

I called him.

He didn't answer.

I called again.

He didn't answer.

I started to worry. There was no reason he would be over an hour late without having called. Well, no reason I could think of unless... the phone rang. I rushed to answer it.

"Where are you?"
"I... I've been in a car wreck."
"What?!? Where?!? Where are you?!?"
"I'm...I'm over here by the house, it happened a while ago..."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I had to talk to the police and..."
"Are You OKAY?!?!"
"Yes! Yes, I'm alright, I just need to go talk to my dad about all this so I'll have to come over another night I guess..."
"okay... Will you call me later, then?"
"Yes, I will call you later."

My fears affirmed. All I know is that he says he is okay. Was he rushing to get here? Was he anxious about our upcoming talk? So much so that he wasn't paying close enough attention? Was he rear ended? Did he rear end someone else? Is the truck safe to drive, now?

I want to drop everything and go over there and take care of him, but that's just not logical. Who knows if that is even what he would want? I certainly don't know. That's kinda what we were supposed to talk about tonight...

I think I am more upset knowing than I was wondering...

Thank you, my Dear.

2008-11-18T11:06:00.004-06:00

My Dear Facebook,

Thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU! I had no idea you were reading!

Love,
Me

Love, Me.

2008-11-17T15:32:00.005-06:00

Dear The Baby,

I am sorry you are not feeling well, but The Momma needs you to nap so that she can take a much needed shower.

Love,
Me

_ _ _

Dear Facebook,

Stop making so many damned changes!

First, you change formats completely so that I have no idea how to do anything anymore and I don't have the time to figure things out.

Second, you stop pulling in my blog entries so that I had to re-add my blog. Which then pulled in ALL of my past blog entries, duplicating all the ones from the past year, causing me to go through and delete the ones that were already there, along with the comments that I wanted to keep.

Next, you stop e-mailing me when I get new messages so that I miss important messages. You are one of the reasons I was not able to connect with my favorite guy friend this weekend.

NOW, you can't even keep my login information for more than two seconds. Having to login every time I try to change pages is QUITE annoying and my Facebook productivity is severely limited.

Please look into these problems immediately. Also, I need some brownies. No nut's please.

Love,
Me.

_ _ _

Dear Headache,

I know you and your family have been hanging around in my head for months now. I know, I know you've already got the place just the way you like it. Wall papered, painted and decorated as it should be, but please, PLEASE go play somewhere else.

I hear the dogs brain is quite roomy. Maybe you can get her to stop acting like a spaz...

Love,
Me.

_ _ _

Dear Disney Co.

Thank you.

Love,
Me.

_ _ _

Dear Bathtub,

I'm on my way.

Love,
Me.

I'm having a drink...

2008-11-14T22:22:00.001-06:00

and going to bed.

Sometimes I get sad...

2008-11-14T02:42:00.002-06:00

when I hear about people I went to high school with getting married and starting new adventures with someone they are completely in love with.

Sometimes I think that that is what I really want.

Then I remember how happy I am with my sweet baby girl and how I wouldn't have it any other way.

*sigh*

All I really want is the cake...

Thursday.

2008-11-14T01:14:00.003-06:00

Today is Thursday.

We have a standing playdate invitation with My Best Mommy Friend and her daughter, The Baby's Best Friend, for every Thursday that the timing is right. We go over to My Best Mommy Friend and The Baby's Best Friend's for dinner and playtime. It's lots of fun!

Today, however, was just one of those days. You know the days I'm talking about. The one where everything goes wrong? Yeah, it was one of those days for My Best Mommy Friend, too.

I offered to run by the store on the way to her place. It takes about as long to get to her place as it does to get to mine. On a good day, I can leave work around 5 and get home by 6. My Best Mommy Friend called me on my cell phone at 5:30 to see whether it would be easier for me to go by the store or her. I was still at work. She went to the store.

I finally left work around 6. It was already dark and I nearly missed my turn for the daycare because I had never gone there after dark before.

I decided against taking the highway to get to My Best Mommy Friend's. So, we're on a residential street turning on to a slightly busier street with a green arrow. I felt something on my hand. Since it was already dark and I couldn't see and didn't want to look down as I was about to turn, I lifted my hand towards my face. What do you think I found?

A Spider.

I freaked, swatted it and lost it. The car swerved and The Baby squealed. "The car scare' me Momma!"

At the next red light, I unbuckled my seat belt, turned on the over head light and looked for it. I couldn't find it anywhere. What a nice way to start my 30 minute trip across town.

A few minutes later, The Baby began to sing 'The Itsy, Bitsy Spider.' It took all I had not to giggle hysterically at the irony.

_ _ _

We made it to My Best Mommy Friend's without any further 'surprises'. She had already started dinner, chicken Parmesan using make-shift bowls and cookie sheets made out of tin foil to go in the oven. (She hasn't lived there long and has not had a chance to acquire a full set of pots and pans.)

The chicken she bought turned out to be thicker than she wanted and the crust was nearly burnt by the time the chicken was cooked all the way through. I think it turned out really well. She was able to cut smaller pieces for the girls so that theirs weren't burnt.

By the time dinner was ready, My Best Mommy Friend had already spilled water on her pants, burnt her hand on a pan and splattered tomato sauce on the floor. It was an interesting ordeal.

We got the girls' food together and set them down at the table. At one point The Baby decided that she wanted to sit on the floor and eat her food our of her chair. Then The Baby's Best Friend wanted to do the same. Which resulted in The Baby's Best Friend plate being knocked to the floor and splattered all over the carpet. I quickly fed The Baby the rest of her dinner and we stuck the girls in the bath.

With both My Best Mommy Friend and myself exhausted, we read them a bedtime story and The Baby's Best Friend went to bed. Well, that would be the simple way to say it. Actually she avoided going to bed and made everything leading up to lying down to go to sleep long and drawn out. I'm pretty sure she was still awake when we took our leave.

When we got home, I had The Baby go potty (I am proud to say I have not changed a poopy diaper in weeks), brush her teeth, put on her jammies and give her PaPa a hug night night. We then snuggled for a night time story and some sleepy time songs. She laid down and has not been up since.

I should have gone to sleep long since.

Excerpts from Texas Renaissance Festival - Vol. 2

2008-11-13T11:54:00.006-06:00

We eventually went our separate ways. My group back out on the road towards camp, The boys on their way back home. At least Musketeer #2 was able to convince his parents to meet him halfway so they didn't get to the camp too terribly late.

Our group stopped at a convenience store to pick up some alcoholic beverages. It was a little strange for me, I mean, we don't get that kind of convenience in my area! By alcoholic beverages, I, of course, mean beer for Musketeer #1 and Smirnoff Ice for me. I don't do beer. In any shape or form. You can try to make it fruity and call it something special, but I will know. People tell me, 'But you can't even taste the beer! It just tastes like apples!'

Wrong.

It tastes like beer flavored apples.

I'm like that though. If I don't like something, I can usually pinpoint what is in it that I don't like. So don't try sneaking any ginger into my food. You will have a plate thrown at your head. Okay, I'm not that mean, but I assure you, I won't eat it.

/detour

Back to the story at hand.

We got to the campgrounds only to have the guys at the gate tell us that we needed to have our tickets. Well, our tickets were on their way back to Dallas... oops. They let us in with a warning. We drove in and grabbed the first clear area we found so as to make it a little easier for the guys to find us when they finally arrived.

Musketeer #1 quickly set to putting up the tents. It was freezing. Well, freezing for a native Texan... I mean, I could SEE my breath! Of course, I didn't bring my heavy coat. I did bring my heavy, zip-up hoodie, though! By the time we were sitting down with our 'beverages', I was wearing 4 shirts and was still cold. (My original shirt, my hoodie, the long sleeved shirt I brought to sleep in, and the extra hoodie that Musketeer #1 brought, just in case) I was quite a sight to see, I'll bet. I kept joking that we should be going to make friends with the group down the road with a big campfire. Ha!

We had two tents. One large, three person tent and one smaller two person tent. I had the pleasure of 'rooming' with the two Musketeers that I had only just met a few hours before back at the Love's. I had my area all set up by the time the boys got there. My sleeping bag, pillow and multiple blankets. One Musketeer opened the tent and said, "Well, I guess we know where somebody is sleeping!"

We were all very happy to see the last of our party show up. They had the extra chairs and the 'heating element'. It was nice to get my lap back and be able to warm it back up by the fire.

From what I understand of the heating element, you put paper underneath, add chips in the top and light the paper. It has two levels and kind of looks like a big metal mug. Musketeer #3 thought it was more like a mug than it was and thought it would be funny to walk around with a big mug of fire, kind of like a torch.

He was quite surprised when he picked it up and a bunch of flaming paper fell out of the bottom! He put it back in it's place pretty quickly and no harm was done.

We sat and talked around the 'Camp Mug' until it started dying and we decided to finish setting up our respective sleeping areas and bed down for the night. We were apparently planning on being up at 8.

I, of course, was up at 6 to utilize the PortAPotty.

*Gag*

TBC

The Universal Sign of 'Good Job!'

2008-11-12T10:14:00.002-06:00

I had just turned onto the residential street that leads to the street that The Baby's Daycare provider resides. There was a car in front of me (car #1). He passes the street I am about to turn on. I see a car (car #2) coming up the next street about to make a left turn in front of the car in front of me. For a split second I thought about trying to turn left onto the street I needed to be on; perhaps I could make it before this other car(car #2) got in the way. I decided against it.

This turned out to be a very good decision. In his haste to turn left in front of the car #1, car #2 fishtailed onto the street I was on and proceeded to speed off. Again, this was a residential street. I have no patience for people who have no regard for other's safety, especially when they are leaving the vicinity of elementary school.

I gave him two thumbs up!

He gave me a dirty look...

Far From The Great Valley...

2008-11-11T15:55:00.003-06:00

Apparently, there are Dinosaurs roaming through my car. Their favorite places to rest are on MY hand and on The Baby's Carseat. I blew them off my hand, then they were in the other car, then they were back in my car on The Baby's carseat.

After I picked her up from daycare yesterday, she kept saying, "The dinosaurs scarin' me momma." So I told her to tell them, "No, NO dinosaurs! That's not nice! Don't scare The Baby! Love The Baby!"

This morning, the dinosaurs were back. I heard , "NoNO dinosaurs! That not NICE! *whoosh* I blew them off my carseat!" the whole ride to daycare.

I'm a Bum.

2008-11-11T15:32:00.002-06:00

Yep. I didn't get a chance to talk to The Guy about our current situation before I left for the weekend. I told myself I would take advantage of our time together on Sunday, but, alas, I did not. I am selfish. I was tired and burnt out from the weekend and did not want to have to think about it. So we hung out for a bit after I put The Baby to bed and we didn't talk about it.

He has no idea. He has shown me nothing except that he is still fully a guy and will do what he wants and just hope that there are no repercussions. I have invited him to come hang out sometime this week, but I haven't heard back. I told him tonight of Friday would be best so I assume he is waiting to see how his work goes today to see if maybe he can make it over tonight.

*sigh*

Oh, well.

I did mention to him last night that his mom is going to start wondering why he is spending so much time over here. I need to make a list of things we need to talk about. Trust me, he will not be surprised to see me pull out a list. He might chuckle, but he will not be surprised. That is a good thing.

So, The Plan:
If he does come over, we will talk. If he can't, I will resort to e-mail. He never answers the phone so that route would be futile...

Gah, looking at the situation objectively sure puts me in the 'Crazy for Even Trying' spotlight, doesn't it? Oh, well.

Excerpts from Texas Renaissance Festival - Vol. 1

2008-11-11T14:32:00.003-06:00

We had been on the road for an hour and a half when My Best Mommy Friend calls to tell me that we are pulling over to wait for Musketeers #2 and #3 to catch up so that we can get the tents out of the car they are driving. Apparently, Musketeer #2 has forgotten his boots and needs to go back for them. Woo.

We stop at a Love's and catch a much appreciated bathroom break. The guys we were waiting on had apparently told Musketeer #1 (My Best Mommy Friend's BF) that it didn't matter that they left late because they would still get there first. Their reasoning? That he was with two girls and girls always have to stop for multiple potty breaks. Pfft!

We decided we weren't going to stop for a potty break until we were at least 3/4ths of the way there. This was of course decided after I had refilled my soda at the KF/Taco/Hut before we headed out. I was secretly ecstatic we were stopping.

We waited about 20 minutes for the guys to show up. While we were waiting, My Very Best Mommy Friend and I scoured my car to find my little card holder that houses my Driver's License and bank card. I had had to stop short a few times through traffic and it had gotten lodged up underneath my glove compartment.

When they finally got to the Love's, Musketeer # 3 went inside to the Burger King part of the Love's and waited 20 more minutes for a couple burgers and some fries. Special. He met us all back out at the cars and we talked and joked for a while longer.

I finally exchanged names with him and proceeded to steal some fries from his BK bag. I told him, "I thought I'd introduce myself before I stuck my hand in your bag..."

Musketeer #2 laughed and repeated my sentence with a slightly perverted twist:

"I thought I'd introduce myself before I stuck my hand down your sac!"

Ah, how did I know, how did I know?

There was much laughing.

YAY!!

2008-11-07T11:14:00.001-06:00

According to the ticker I use to track The Baby's age (for other's not for me), The Baby is 2 years, 2 months, 2 weeks and 2 days old today!

How fun is that to say!?!

Time for Optimism, oh how I've missed you...

2008-11-07T00:40:00.003-06:00

I have decided to give in to The Benefit of the Doubt. He txted me at 6:30 saying he wouldn't be able to make it to the movie and that he would see me tomorrow. Okay.

I'm not going to get upset. He is not purposefully waiting until the last minute just to make me mad. He is not trying to be a dipshit.

I'm going to go with the idea that he was really trying. Trying to make it on time and finally gave in. He has to cut off early tomorrow to meet me, I'm going to assume he had a lot to do today.

Tomorrow, though. I am going to tell him that he has the weekend to think about what he wants. Anything we do, has a directly affects The Baby, now. I'm going to tell him he needs to decide whether or not he is serious about wanting to do this or not.

I will not be led on by someone who is wearing a blindfold to what the future holds.

Think of me this weekend....

2008-11-06T14:51:00.003-06:00

For I will be camping and cannot be sure whether I will make it back alive.

Okay, okay, so maybe that's a little overdramatic... but after the last camping fiasco, you really can't blame me. I know, I know, you probably have no idea what I am talking about, let just say it was the middle of summer, and I didn't bring the right arsenal.

I ended up sitting in a fetal position for the last half of the trip. Eyes wide open and shifting from one spot to the next, lashing out at what were morre than likely figments of my imagination.

I came home with 80 insect bites on one thigh alone. I think that was the smallest amount for an area of that size... I have not been camping sense. My luck, I'll come back paranoid AND schizophrenic!

"What was that?!"
"I don't know. Why are you asking me?"
"Cause I thought you might know something."
"Well, I don't, I know as much as you and nothing more."
"What was that?!?"
"I don't know! Now, shut up!"

Anyways...

I am off to The Texas Renaissance Festival this weekend. It runs every weekend from Oct. 11th - Nov. 30th. I have a 'Friend' who is going EVERY weekend. I was talking with My Best Mommy Friend and told her about him and she told me that her Boyfriend is actually dragging her to the very same place as my 'Friend'! So I'm going to follow them out there tomorrow evening and leave midday Sunday to get back for The Baby.

I have not told my 'Friend' that I will be there. I don't plan on telling him. I saw him earlier this week and asked him about it, what there was to do and such. We talked for a bit, I said it sounds like fun and then said, "Well, I'd better get this letter in the mail. It was good to see you," and left.

I think this will be fun even if I don't run into him. I've been contemplating getting a black wig so as to be even more incognito, but perhaps that would be a little over the top...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

We're going to a movie tonight. A sneak preview of 'Bolt' at the Studio Movie Grill. I'm excited! I invited The Guy, he doesn't seem to be too enthusiastic. I could just be making things up though, since the only way he will talk to me is through txt messaging or in person. Even then, we don't do much talking. I seem to always carry the conversation. I mean, if I didn't say anything, there would just always be this awkward silence and nothing would ever be accomplished!

I have asked him numerous time to give me an answer as to whether or not he will be there. While I appreciate that he doesn't want to tell me know and make me upset, it seems that he does not realize that the repercussions of him NOT telling me and then just not showing up are greater than what he would get if he just told me. Since his mode of communication of choice is txt messaging, he wouldn't even get what he's afraid of. It's a little harder to get that "I'm upset but I'm not going to say so" tone into a txt message.

I'm sure he could infer the tone from the suddenly curtailed messages he would get afterwards, but that's something he could just completely ignore cause he knows I'll forget by the next time I see him, right?

I once had a friend tell me that it doesn't matter whether he makes me mad or not because he could just show me something shiny and I would forget completely.

"You're mad? WHAT'S THAT?!? A PIECE OF FOIL!! LOOK!! SHINY!!"

*phbblltttt*

Okay, whatever. It's not a big deal; it's just a kids movie. I'll get over it.

I'm out. Thanks for reading!

She knows what she wants...

2008-11-04T12:08:00.005-06:00

So last night, I was over near The Guy's house and he came over. Everyone left and we ended up at the car. I handed her a toy before we put her in her carseat. Pablo the Penguin and his Singing and Talking Dunebuggy. She dropped Pablo.

Me: "Oh no! Is Pablo hurt?"
The Baby: "Pablo's got owie! Kiss IT!"
Me: "Kiss it? Oh dear, where does it hurt Pablo?"
The Baby: "His hand hurt, kiss his hand!"
Me: "His Hand? okay, I'll kiss his hand." *kiss*
The Baby: "Kiss his head! His head hurt!"
Me: "Okay, poor Pablo!" *kiss*

*pause*

The Baby: "He hurt his Butt. Kiss his Butt, Mommy! Kiss his Butt!"
The Guy: *barely stifled laughter*
Me: *stifling laughter* "No, honey, I am not going to kiss Pablo's butt. I'm sorry." *snort*
The Baby: "No, Mommy! Kiss his BUTT!"
The Guy: *fully laughing now, not even trying to stifle*
Me: "Let's get in your carseat, honey..." *face red from trying not to laugh*

So we get her in her carseat and she's playing with her toy and I'm talking to The Guy about what we're doing on Friday since I'm going out of town. I'm supposed to meet up and be ready to go at 5:30. He normally picks her up at my house (across town) at 6.

So we're talking and still laughing. The Baby is jabbering to herself. She calls for me and I tell her I love her. She replies with her normal, "I love ChooToo!" without even looking at me. The Guy laughs and tells me that it sounded like she said she loves shoes. "I love you!" "I love shoes!" HA! - yeah, I smacked him.

So we started talking again when we hear from the car:

"Get inna car, Mommy. Mommy? Get inna car. BYE BYE DADDY. Get inna CAR Momma! Get in your car Daddy! Bye Bye Daddy!"

My Baby loves me, yes she does.

I laughed SO hard the whole way home!

I'm not sure what to think...

2008-11-02T02:21:00.002-06:00

October seems to have been a busy month here. So many activities to go to and we have actually been hanging out all together like a real little family. We've only made it to little more than half of the events we tried to go to. I'll add more to that later. For now, I just want to say how strange this feeling is.

The feeling of actually having someone around that I want to have around. Someone who makes me think before I do things. Someone who tries to fix it when things go wrong. Someone who seems to care. Where in the world has this person been for the past year and a half?!?

Will things turn into more than just parental cooperation?

Stay tuned, we will see.

Casey's Obituary

2008-10-24T12:54:00.005-05:00

Casey C., 24, was received into the hands of God, Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2008, after a courageous battle with cancer.

Celebration of life: 5 p.m. Saturday at Advent Lutheran Church, Arlington

Casey was born June 18, 1984, in Arlington and had resided there all his life. He was a 2002 graduate of Lamar High School, where he competed on the Viking wrestling team. While in high school, he received the Who's Who Among High School Students award for his achievements with the Lamar A cappella Choir. Casey's close relationship with God led him to participate in "Happening - A Christian Experience" and assist his father with the Kairos Prison Ministry. He was a member of the road crew for Paradigm, a local band, and enjoyed playing competitive billiards with multiple pool leagues in the Mid-Cities area. He will be deeply missed and always be remembered as a free-spirited person who was happiest when surrounded by his family and friends.

Sadness

2008-10-16T14:35:00.004-05:00

A good friend of mine and a wonderful person left to be with God on Tuesday October 14th at 10:15 pm. He was only 24, but cancer doesn't really care how old you are, does it?

We will be celebrating his life in the coming weeks. Please pray for his family and his friends that they may find peace during this difficult time. He has touched many lives. He has forever left his mark on my heart, and he will not be forgotten. My only solace is found in the fact that he has made his way home and is no longer in pain.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/caseychrystie

Torn, so very torn.

2008-10-13T22:36:00.002-05:00

It's been a good month. I know, I know, I haven't always been able to say nice things about The Guy, but right now, I can't think of anything but nice things.

The month isn't even half over and we've already been to the Cottonwood Art Festival/park (I will be posting some pictures and websites soon), The Texas State Fair and he has just promised to go to three other events with us!

It was the simplest e-mail. I sent him a link to a fall fest event in my town. He replied saying he would go with us and also go to the two other events that we had already talked about. It may be pitch black outside, but I swear my smile just lit up the whole block. I couldn't be happier or more excited!

So excited, and yet, torn at the same time. Hence, the title of this post.

There are times when I think that it might be a good thing to welcome a new romantically inclined relationship with The Guy, but then there is always the 'What If?' factor. What if it doesn't work? What if we wind up hating each other and can't even deign to be civil in one another's presence, even if only for The Baby? What if she hates me because I would be the reason that we hate each other? What if I ruin a budding friendship trying to create my own little happy family?

But then, what if she hates me for never trying? What if it does work? What if we do become that happy family that every little girl wants?

'What If?'

As much as I hate to admit it, I do want to get married and have another baby someday. I know that I am SO not ready for that right now; I don't think I could handle anyone besides myself and The Guy raising The Baby. You see where I am torn? Too scared to move forward, too much to lose going back...

Maybe I am just overly and unusually emotional right now (I get this way sometimes, it's pretty clockwork worthy), but I am happy. Things could get better, things could get worse, but I will do my best to not be the cause of the latter.

I must be tired, I feel like I'm babbling. Goodnight, I have to go change my sheets where The Baby peed on my bed this morning...

It's that Time again!! Freaky Fried Fair Food!

2008-10-10T13:53:00.004-05:00

Yep, that's right, We are headed to the fair tomorrow for our annual picture with Big Tex (Let's hope he'sfeeling photogenic!). Which reminds me, I need to wash more clothes tonight!

Here is a list of some of the delightful, deep fried delicacies you might find this year:

The State Fair of TEXAS!!
in all of it's deep fried glory!

Chicken Fried Bacon – Thick and peppery Farm Pac® bacon is seasoned, double-dipped in a special batter and breading and deep-fried. Served with a creamy side of ranch or honey mustard sauce. Winner of Best Taste in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Fried Banana Split – A mixture of banana and honey peanut butter is rolled in balls, battered and deep-fried and topped with assorted, delicious fixings, including powdered sugar, caramel and chocolate syrups, chopped peanuts, whipped cream and banana split flavored ice cream bites then fittingly crowned with the traditional cherry. Winner of Most Creative in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Fernie’s All-American Fried Grilled Cheese Sandwich – An American classic with a State Fair twist. Two slices of white bread filled with a blend of American and cheddar cheeses, dipped in an egg and milk batter and lightly coated with panko bread crumbs for extra crispness. Served with a side of shoestring potato sticks, a pickle spear and tomato soup dipping sauce. The All American Meal! Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Texas Fried Jelly Belly Beans – Jelly Belly Beans are rolled in funnel cake batter and fried to a crunch. People can share the treat with friends and try to guess the flavors before biting down. Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Deep Fried S’mores – Marshmallow cream and chocolate chips are sandwiched between two graham crackers, dipped in a feather-light batter and fried to a golden brown. The campfire-inspired treats are dusted in powdered sugar. Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Fire & Ice – A pineapple ring is battered and deep-fried, then topped with banana-flavored whipped cream that’s been frozen in liquid nitrogen. The smoking concoction is ladled with strawberries and syrup. Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Fried Chocolate Truffles – A silky-smooth, handmade, dark chocolate truffle is rolled in cocoa powder before being battered and deep-fried. The melting chocolate goodness is dusted in cinnamon, sugar and cocoa powder. Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Waffle Balls – Plump fresh strawberries covered in a thick chocolate shell are dipped in a sweet, waffle batter and deep-fried. Dusted with powdered sugar and served on a stick.

Fried Pop Rocks Fundae Blast - Ignite your senses with this explosion of Tastes. Fried Ice Cream covered in Hershey’s Syrup and Pop Rocks. Your fuse is a Twizzler rolled in Pop Rocks. While you disarm it, you’ll find an Atomic Fireball inside . . .“Fire in the Bowl”! (Give THAT to the kiddos!)

Fried Dinner Roll – A savory dinner roll lusciously filled with cream cheese and covered with a sweet batter, placed on a stick and deep fried to perfection.

Fried Cake on a Stick – A delicious, chocolate covered white cake filled with strawberry jelly and cream, dipped in sweet batter and deep fried until golden brown and served on a stick!

Green Bean Fries - Fresh Green Beans lightly battered, deep fried, and served with a side of cucumber ranch dressing for dipping!

Texas Bar-B-Que Eggrolls - BW’s Chopped Beef in an eggroll wrap, deep fried to a delicate crispness, and served with BBQ sauce for dipping or ignite your senses further with a splash of Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce.

“Jalapeno” Deep Fried Gorditas - Jalapeno flavored gordita cooked on the grill and then deep fried, stuffed with beef, chicken, or bean & cheese, and finally topped with lettuce, tomato, guacamole, and cheese.

Fried Apple iPie – A warm, delicious crispy fried apple pie with just a hint of cinnamon, is smothered in rich vanilla ice cream and topped with an edible iPod “like” mp3 player and whipped cream. Real working souvenir “ear-bud” earphones complete this tasty iPie experience!
Fried Snowballs – Fresh from the fryer! A lightly battered Snowball (cupcake) dusted with powdered sugar!

Fried Honey Bun – A lightly battered Honey Bun, served fresh from the fryer with a light dusting of powdered sugar!

Deep Fried Apple Bites – Fresh cut apples dipped in a homemade batter, deep fried, and then covered with a caramel sauce and cinnamon topping!

Bread Pudding with Rum Sauce – An old favorite returning after several years absence! Warm bread pudding chock full of real butter, cream, and rich cinnamon flavor served with a creamy rum sauce. *Drool*

Mini Chopped BBQ Slider - Sweet, tangy and juicy chopped barbecue beef brisket on a mini bun. Just the right size for a taste of Texas barbecue.

Mini Chicken Fried Steak Slider - A miniature crispy chicken fried steak patty served on a mini bun with a side of cream gravy. A bite size version of "Big Texas Taste".

Dessert Shooters - A 3 oz. serving of rich and decadent desserts. Your choice of three fabulous flavors:
Chocolate Oreo Mousse: a layer of Oreo cookie crumbs, creamy chocolate pudding, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, sprinkled with more Oreos and a cherry on top.
Strawberry Cheesecake: Graham cracker crumbs, classic cheesecake filling, strawberry sauce, whipped cream and more graham cracker crumbs.
Vanilla Caramel Supreme: crushed Vanilla Wafers, creamy vanilla pudding, rich caramel sauce, whipped cream, sprinkled with more Vanilla Wafers and a cherry on top.

Jalapeno Tamaritto – Ignite your taste buds with two Pedro’s Tamales wrapped in a warm flour tortilla, topped with chili, cheese, and Pedro’s spicy Jalapeno relish!

Ignited Moon Pie - The Original Moon Pie, lightly battered and deep fried, then gently sprinkled with powdered sugar!

Fruit Bag Drinks – Fruit, juice and ice combined in a clear bag with a straw for slow sipping. Savor the flavor of the juice and then eat the fruit!

Beefy Fried Queso Bites – Queso mixed with taco meat, breaded in a zesty batter and deep fried.

Chick-a-Mole Bites – Guacamole mixed with a taco-flavor shredded chicken and cheddar/Monterey jack cheese, breaded in a zesty batter and deep fried.

and Last but not Least:

Crispy Fried Cantaloupe Pie – Diced cantaloupe seasoned with brown sugar, cinnamon and coconut milk, rolled in a flaky pie pastry, and then deep fried. Topped with powdered sugar and whip cream.

Now, I know, reading some of these descriptions might make you feel like throwing up in your mouth, (like the bacon - gag) You have to admit that those dessert shooters sound heavenly. To be honest, after reading about the bread pudding, I was not surprised to find my socks wet from the drool that had pooled in my shoes. I mean, c'mon! You get souvenir ear bid with the Fried Apple iPie! Who could resist that?!

ref: http://www.bigtex.com/

The Spider

2008-10-10T00:44:00.006-05:00

There I was, in my car, leaving the ranch. He opens the gate so that I can pull through and comes up to the window for one last kiss goodbye.

As he is giving me directions on how to get home, a small green spider comes down from the tree above him and lands on my shirt sleeve. My eyes get wide and I stop listening to anything he is saying.

*slightly high pitched with just a tinge of panic* "It's a spider, and it's on my shirt...!"

He goes to grab it. It jumps into my lap and disappears onto the seat between my legs.

He can't see it. "Where'd it go?"

*a little more high pitched and practically full panic mode* "I DON'T KNOW!!"
(as I unbuckle my seat belt and frantically remove myself from danger and into the passenger seat)

"You're still in gear!! Put it in park; put it in PARK!!"

He sees the spider now and tries to catch it with his bare hands, failing each time. He finally asks for a piece of paper. After a minute or so of trying to persuade the spider that it, in fact, would be a good idea for it to actually walk on to the paper instead of away from it, the spider complies.

He removes the spider from my car and places him back into the tree where he belongs.

I slide back into my seat and rebuckle my seat belt, completely embarrassed.

He is my hero.

A conversation with The Baby

2008-10-09T21:48:00.005-05:00

Me : The Baby

I love you...
Thank you.

I love you...
Thank you.

I love you...
I love you, too!
Thank you!
You're welcome!

I love you!
I love you, too.

:pause:

I love you, too, too!!

It's time I came clean...

2008-10-05T12:08:00.002-05:00

I broke up with a guy who called himself my boyfriend a couple weeks ago.

Coincidentally, he shares his name with The Guy, so we shall now refer to him as The Old Guy. Now, this name may be extrememly hilarious to those of you who knew anything about The Old Guy, but I assure you, the name has nothing to do with the fact that he is 15 years older than me. What can I say? I have an eye for older men. I tend to steer clear of younger guys, just as a general rule, so I guess, in the back of my twisted mind, the opposite of a younger guy is a much older one... but his name merely has to do with the status of the relationship between him and myself. Old.

Anyways, we had been semi-dating for three months. He turned out to be everything that I don't need right now.

Here's a little backstory:

I met him back in November of '05. Basically a week after I got pregnant. I was in a play at the time, he came to see it and we double dated with another girl in the cast afterwards. He came up the next day as well with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for me. Only thing was, I had another friend coming to see me that night. (The one from a few posts back that I won't be speaking to anytime soon...) So, The Old Guy traveled for work and I'm an 'Out of Sight, Out of Mind' kind of girl, so we just kinda fizzled out. I did feel it was really that big of a deal, but apparently it hurt him really badly. He deleted me from his inbox and I started dating the other guy.

Well, back in May, I was going through my old e-mails, looking for something specific when I found an e-mail he had sent back in '05. He's a nice guy, has a great sense of humor and I started to wonder why I hadn't talked to him in so long. So I sent him an e-mail:

Hi The Old Guy,

I came across an old e-mail from you today, one of the first, if I am not mistaken. It made me smile. Hope you are well. Would love to get together sometime. Maybe catch up a little bit. It would be nice to see you.

~Me~

We went out to lunch, it was fun, we had a few dates, a few dates turned into going out as regularly as possible and eventually he met The Baby. I was not ready for him to meet her, but she ran outside when I opened the door to come in after he dropped my car off (he took it to get the oil changed and put some kind of coating on the windshield and got new wipers - all of his own accord) and there he was. So I let her say, 'Hi.'

I believe that was the begining of the end. I told The Guy about The Old Guy. I had to tell him because I would want him to tell me if he was ever going to have some strange woman hanging around My Baby.

I tried to limit contact between The Old Guy and The Baby, but he really wanted to spend time with both of us, so we went to a movie together. It went well, but I realized that I might not be able to handle someone else trying to steer my child to being better behaved.

The Old Guy then started talking about how he was glad that we fizzled out before because he wasn't ready for anything serious back then and how glad he was that I had contacted him in May. He started saying how he was finally ready to settle down, get married, have kids. Oh dear, I know to most women, that's like a glorious and melodious songs spewing from a mans lips. To me, it was like fingernails on a chalkboard, like the screeching tires of a car coming to a sudden stop.

I felt that I was leading him on after that. I couldn't shake the feeling that this 'relationship' was all wrong. I mean, I couldn't stand the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend', and we had been dating for three months. That's not a good sign.

So I broke it off. He took it well, so I thought. Then he started writing. Now, he had written before, but it's just unsettling to keep getting letters in the mail after you've already broken up with somebody. Especially when these letters are written on pretty green stationary with butterflies and flowers with matching envelopes.

Then came the long e-mails. He started therapy and he would write to me about how his therapy sessions were going:

Subject: Good therapy session

"You,

First,I'm not expecting these letters to change things.

Second,I'm not expecting you to reply to these letters. I'm not even expecting you to read these emails.

I enjoy communicating, and I'm writing these emails for me. If you want to read them, then that's fine. And I'm certain that these letters will cease soon anyway, so minimal worries on your part."

Ah, thank you for giving me permission to read my own e-mail...

I received this first e-mail the day I found out that my good friend/mygood friends grandmother had died. I have now blocked his e-mail address and will not be getting any more of his e-mails. As much as I wanted to, I did not tell him. He doesn't know that I'm not getting his e-mails, so if they are helping him, then thank God for that cause he needs all the help he can get.

At one point while we were dating, I got mad at The Guy and his family and, in the midst of a vent, said to The Old Guy, "Well maybe I just won't invite them to the birthday party then! *harumph*" He took me as being serious and from then on was expecting that he would be at the birthday party instead of The Guy and his family. I tried to let him down easy, I thought he took it well. I was wrong.

I got a letter in the mail a few days later. Essentially he wished that I would have called him during the birthday party (that I had already been stressing about) and while we were at the Aquarium the next day with The Guy. Just so that he would know that I was thinking of him.

AH - I'm tired of writing about him. So, in short, he turned out to be very needy and insecure and in need of constant validation for his actions.

All things that I don't have the time or the patience to deal with in a man when I am already dealing with them in toddler form.

*whew*

I feel better.

CROP Hunger Walk - Please Help

2008-09-19T14:40:00.001-05:00

Hi Everyone -

My church does this every year. I will be walking this year. I'm still debating whether or not to bring Eva with. I've never been good about getting donations. This year, I'm trying to change that.

This is the generic letter that they suggest to e-mail to people. I don't like generic, but I'm including it anyways. If there is any way you can help I would greatly appreciate it.

*HUGS* and thanks for reading!

Hunger is an issue that is very important to me and I have decided to get involved! I am walking in the CROP Hunger Walk and I need your help. Our donations will support life-saving programs around the world. Join me and our family and friends as we work together to solve this world-wide challenge.

You can be the difference, and you can start by making a donation online. Click on the link below and you will be taken to my personal donation page where you can make a secure online credit card donation.

Thank you!

http://www.cropwalkonline.org/goto/formofjane

My new new glasses!!

2008-07-31T23:16:00.002-05:00

I finally got my glasses replaced a month or so ago. I paid half price for the same frames because they were still under warranty and whatnot. I went to the Sears that is on my way home from work and they had to call the Sears I went to initially to confirm that it ahd been less than a year since I bought them.

Once they had that done, they just grabbed a new pair, popped the lenses out of the old pair and popped them into the new pair!!

Not only does this pair have both arms, but they haven't been fun over by a go cart either!!

SCORE!

On a side note, The Baby will be 2 in less than a month. What am I going to do with a 2 year old?! Yeah, yeah, I know, same thing I've been doing with the nearly 2 year old. It just seems like it's going to be drastically different and I don't know why. I don't have any drastic changes planned... Well, unless she remembers how to climb out of the crib again...

Somebody save me!!

2008-07-31T23:04:00.002-05:00

I am OVER it!! I am SO over it!!

I am OVER the cutesy sweet things that he is doing just so he 'can see me smile'.

STOP it with the poems! Stop saying things just because you know they are sweet things to say and you think they will make me go, "Awwww, you are SO sweet!!"

NOW I am worried that HE is going to say something and I actually AM going to throw up in my mouth - just a little...

/rant

How does one forget something like this?

2008-07-31T22:32:00.002-05:00

A couple weeks ago, I was all set to go out for my birthday with friends. My birthday was on a Wednesday, so I had made plans for Friday night and Saturday night of the following weekend. A weekend in which The Guy was supposed to take Eva, except that apparently, he FORGOT.

I called multiple times Friday night. I called his mother and said, 'If he's not here in the next half hour, I'm going to have to bring her over to you.' To which she replied, 'Well, we're not going to be here tonight...'

She tried to call him, she had his brother try to call because apparently, if he's going to pick up for anyone, it would be his brother. Alas, our attempts were to no avail. I finally left him a REALLY nasty message (yeah, I'm that crazy person). I took The Baby to the in-home daycare she goes to during the day and they watched her over night for $35. She did well, I was happy about that.

I called The Guy the next morning. His mom supposedly handed him the phone but he never said anything, I sat there for WAY too long waiting for him. I was crying when I told The New Guy what was going on with The Guy. The not saying anything on the phone was reminiscent of when he would not talk to me until I finally had to tell his parents myself that I was filing for child support. He didn't even meet her until she was 6 months old!! Hell, The New Guy met her by chance when she was 4 months old!

Anyways, I called his mom and told her what was going on. She said she would see what she could do when she got home. She called me a few hours later to tell me that she didn't know what was going to happen. Then, as soon as I hung up with the daycare asking her to watch Eva for a second night in a row, The Guy's mom calls and says I can bring Eva over if I want to.

me: "Is The Guy going to be there?"
mom: "Yes, he will be here."
me: "Is he going to talk to me?"
mom: ".... I really don't know ...."

Well, I guess since it seems his legs are broken and he couldn't drive to come pick up his daughter (sarcasm and not that I had the time to wait on him anyways) I was gracious enough to take her over there. I picked her up early the next day (after my swing dancing lessons) and took him out back and beat the shit out of him. Okay, okay, so he merely followed us out to the car and I slapped him really hard on the shoulder(I wanted to slap him in the face) and 'told' him to NEVER do that to me again.

It seems his excuse for forgetting was that he hadn't heard from me that morning, and he didn't get my voicemails until 7:30 that evening and then he was asleep when his mom gave him the phone the next morning. Also, his fingers are broken so there wasn't any possible way he could have called me back (again, sarcasm, he's perfectly healthy).

I told him I wanted him to pay the $55 for the swimming lessons Eva is taking, the $35 for the cost of her spending the night at the daycare and $20 for the gas I wasted going back and forth and back and forth. He pulled out a $100 bill. It was the only cash he had on him. I gave it back to him. Because I'm crazy. I didn't want to be carrying around a $100 bill; I didn't want to take all the cash he had and I wanted the whole $110 right then and he didn't have it.

I'm going to call him in the morning and remind him to bring me the $ that I asked for and it will also hopefully be a reminder that he needs to PICK UP HIS DAUGHTER.

alright, I'll admit it...

2008-07-12T12:25:00.002-05:00

I really like this guy. I'm not sure how I feel about liking somebody like this. I keep catching myself thinking about saying something smarmy and sickeningly sweet more times than I'd care to mention.

You know what keeps me from saying them? Well, other than the fact that I'm not even sure I would mean them the way they would be interpreted, I'm afraid that as soon as I say somthing like that, something equally as opposite is also going to fall out my mouth. Like:

"Ugh, that was so sweet I think I just threw up a little in my mouth..."

How's that for a mood killer?

I just deleted a really good friend from my life.

2008-06-13T02:09:00.002-05:00

He's been kind of an on and off Bipolar friend for the past three years. We had kind of a 'Buddy' thing going on the past few months.

I guess I started getting too close. He doesn't like that. He scared shitless that I will find out that he really is the horrible person he thinks he is.

He called me today and said that he thinks we shouldn't see each other anymore.

When we were dating, he broke up with me the day before Valentines day because of this same shit.

I'm happy for him. He wants to move on, move on. But leave me the FUCK out of it. (excuse my language)

I just sent him the following e-mail:

"Some things I want you to know:

You are like family to me.

You are the ONLY guy friend I feel comfortable around.

I know you don't like letting people get close and I totally understand you wanting to move on... finally. I just want you to know that I don't appreciate this crap. I'm not mad, I'm not upset, I am just tired. Tired of dealing with your back and forth attitude toward me.

I care about you. I want you to be happy and if this is what it takes for you to be happy then that's fine, but I don't want to deal with this ever again.

I thought we had an understanding. I thought things were good. I've been dating of sorts. I was finally ready to get out again. So I guess this is good for both of us, then. Letting go? Well, then let's do it completely. You don't have to be scared that I'll get too close anymore cause I won't ever be close to you again. Emotionally or physically.

Please don't take this as hostile. It's just matter of fact. We obviously don't need each other anymore. I enjoy your company. You are an intelligent guy and you have a great sense of humor and I love just talking to you. It's just not worth it anymore. I'm really glad you told me up front instead of letting us have another weird night like Saturday. Psh, and I thought it was my fault. I should have left right then.

Well, I'm done.

Delete my number from your phone, you won't need it anymore. I've already deleted yours. This is what we need - a clean break. No backtracking.

Okay, I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, [insert name here]... Goodbye."

I then proceeded to delete him from my address books on my e-mail, delete him from my facebook and myspace. I'm about ready to delete all correspondence so that I don't have to worry about being tempted.

We have mutual friends, I'm sure there is no way to completely cut him out of my life, but I am damn sure gunna try.

I hate him when he does this to me. I feel like he cares about me, but he really doesn't want to. So I'm done.

donedonedoneDONE.

and to top it all off, I just cried on the phone to one of our mutual friends for a half an hour.

tell me I'm not crazy.

This is the Third time I've cried because of him and I don't cry over boys. This was the last straw. [expletive deleted].

She has officially forgotten...

2008-05-29T22:22:00.002-05:00

So, we haven't been using the crib for the past few months. It had become a storage area for toddler clothes.

Well, The Baby's sleep schedule has been way off since the road trip and she hasn't been wanting to go to bed until 10:30 - 11 at night. So tonight, as she was fighting me at 8, it dawned on me that she had her own bed with prison bars.

I threw all the clothes out onto my bed, put her pillow and her teddy bear in the crib and then deposited her heinie onto the little mattress.

So, guess who has forgotten how to climb out of the crib?

WOOT!!

I wonder how long this will last...

I haven't gotten much sleep...

2008-05-28T23:06:00.002-05:00

The baby has been off in her sleep habits since out road trip to San Antonio to visit my mom a couple weekend ago. (it was a surprise, I'll elaborate later) So she has been not wanting to go to bed on time and I'm a pushover. tonight, she went to bed by 9!! I'm so proud!!

So, I should be sleeping because although she has been going to bed late, she has still been getting up early. Sucky.

So, if any posts I make seem to be rambly and pointless, you know why.

good night...

Glasses....

2008-05-28T22:58:00.005-05:00

Sooooo..... The baby broke my glasses.

The day before Mother's day.

Some gift, huh?

She had already gotten ahold of my sunglasses a few months ago. I still use them. They work fine, see?

Yep, just fine!

I caught her taking them out again a month or so later and yelled, "NOOOOOOO!!!" Kinda like when everything goes slow motion? Well, I startled her and she closed them, put the back in the case, stuck the case back in my purse and closed my purse.

She's so cute.

Anyways - yeah, my regular glasses, not quite as usable as my sunglasses still are.

AND - they don't fix glasses when the arm comes off, but if they still have the same pair, they'll sell it to you again so that you don't have to go get all new lenses!! WOO! (sarcasm) They didn't have the same frames. It'll be a while before I get my glasses back. poop.

oh well...

Love...

2008-05-28T22:25:00.003-05:00

LOVE

is a BOG OL' CROCK of...

okay, okay, let's not get vulgar here...

let's see if I can make my point in a nicer manner.

I am usually very optimistic person, but this topic is where you will find cynical side rear it's ugly head. I have no faith in love. I have no faith in peoples ability to understand these feelings. Love is a feeling where many people go with their gut, be damned the consequences.

I don't understand how someone could think they are in love after such a short time. I've dated guys for less than three months before who would say they loved me.

I don't think this is appropriate.

At first, I would say it back. I was young it was no big deal. What? You love me? Ok, cool, love you, too. Eventually I would start feeling bad cause I really didn't mean it and since I knew I didn't mean it, how could I be sure that they knew enough about what they were feeling to adequately define it? What if they were just saying it because they thought it was the right thing to say? What if I'm over analyzing everything way too much? (that was a joke, the answer is obvious)

Still. How long is long enough for someone to be able to say they are truly in love? Obviously it varies from person to person. For me, I won't say it unless I mean it. I won't type even type out the words if I don't mean them. I will, however, type things like, 'luv yah', 'luv you', 'luv, me' and the like. Saying something like that, in that manner, makes it not such a serious thing to say. at least in my head.

To be honest, I have actually corrected a boyfriend who told me he loved me after only a month of sporadic dates. "I Love you." "HA - no you don't!"

I admit, not my best moment, but that's what I felt. I felt he, in no way, knew enough about me to be able to love me. I'm sure he loved the idea of me, but not me.

I have often wanted to say 'I love you' to someone, in the heat of passion, a make out session or something of that nature, but I have always refrained. I know I would just be saying because it seemed like an appropriate thing to say at the time. I would not have meant a single word. Sure, I might have loved what was going on, but it definitely wouldn't have meant the same to him since it meant nothing to me. (the words)

I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in attraction and infatuation as things that drive one to get to know another person, but the phrase, "We fell in love the very fist time we gazed into each other's eyes," is just wishy-washy, smarmy and all round sickening.

It literally makes me cringe whenever I hear people in new relationships tell each other, "I Love You!" I always think, how long have you two even been dating?! How well do you even know each other?! Y'all are still in that awkward phase where you won't even FART in the same HOUSE!

I guess I just know, deep down inside that one of them will do something to hurt the other. I just know it. But all the good times will seem like enough to outweigh the bad things, but they never do, do they? You can forgive, but you never forget, no matter how hard you try.

I don't want to fall in Love because deep down, I know, either I will cause them pain myself, or they will do something to cause me pain which will in turn, cause them pain. What a twisted mind I have, huh?

Well, I guess my point is - don't tell me that you love me unless you mean it. Don't tell anyone that you love them unless you truly believe you do. I don't take kindly to BullShit.

Actually, I guess the real point is. If you are male. I don't trust you.

Cute? not so much...

2008-02-11T22:50:00.000-06:00

So, I know it's been a while - I was sorta off put by a very rude comment somebody tried to post.

anyways - I don't have much to say except to leave you with a story from this past week.

If you were a really close friend in HS, you would know that, although I do not have much of an ass, what I do have jiggles not unlike jell-o.
It has not changed much except for that it might just be a little bigger since I had The Baby. (ie: whatever I had on top before the baby, has just repositioned itself onto my rear.)

So, the other day, I was in the kitchen washing dishes, pantsless. Don't ask me why, just go with it. The Baby comes running in with her arms raised as high as they could go and smacks me in an attempt to get my attention.

Where did she smack me, you ask?

Well, as you might have guessed from my little back story... yep, in just the right spot to get my jell-o jigglin'. Cause that was as high as she could reach.

She stopped for a second and giggled.

Then she hit me again....

and again...

and again...

and by this time, she is full out laughing.

Now, I can't do much with my hands in hot soapy water, but when I did turn around, she ran off, giggling.

Guess she knew I wouldn't think it was that funny...

Oh the joys of Motherhood.

and now that you all have an absolutely wonderful image of me in your heads, I will bid you all a good night.

...

2008-02-02T22:43:00.000-06:00

Have you ever felt like you knew someone cared, but you just got that feeling that they wish they didn't? *sigh*

I don't get it....

2008-02-02T19:31:00.000-06:00

So, I went out dancing last night - it was wonderful.

I got stuck with some guys who had no idea how to dance, but I think I got just as many good dances out of other guys to make up for them.

I got slightly drunk, but started drinking only water at about 12:45 and I was out til at least 3am, so I wasn't even tipsy driving home. I did, however, have to freakin' pee SO bad the whole way home! At least that kept me awake, huh?

By the end of the night, most of the good dancers had gone home, and pretty much all that was left were the drunk guys who didn't know how to dance in the first place. One of my last dances was teaching a guy how to dance, it was fun though, he was sweet.

To be clear:

Now, I don't go out to pick up guys, I go out to dance. I have a strict 'No' policy.

"Can I have your number?"
"No, I don't give out my number."

"Can I drive you home."
"No, thank you."

"Wanna come back to my place and maybe watch a movie or something?"
"Ummmm.... NO."

"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Sure!"

Okay, okay, so maybe it's not that strict, but I did refuse drinks after I decided that I needed to be drinking water.

To reitterate:

I don't go out to pick up guys. I do not go out to string some guys along all night before I drop the bomb that I'm not going home with them either. I feel that I am very clear.

Don't try to kiss me. Keep your hand off my ass. Don't look down my shirt!

I go out to DANCE. That's it. Really. I may be rusty and unable to keep time as well when I sing, although I'll be singing every single song.... I am there to have a night of fun. Maybe have a few drinks, and it's just a bonus if I don't have to pay for them! I don't want one guy hanging all over me because then, all the guys will think I'm taken and be to scared to ask me to dance! UGH!! Just back off!! I'm not looking for some kind of one night stand, I'm not looking for any kind of relationship, I'm just looking for a dance!!

Sorry - little vent... too bad it won't change anything...

Alright, now, to get to the point. - I Don't Get It.

How is it that I can go out and it doesn't matter whether I am dressed up or just wearing jeans and a black tank top, I will have guys all over me, trying to kiss me, wanting to get my number, trying to impress me whatever....

and I really just don't want anything to do with them for anything other than a little 'friendly' flirting for the night? BUT they are insistant, they ask multiple times for my number after i tell them no. I tell them to find somebody else to dance with and they catch me at the other end of the bar once I've gone to buy my drink or whatever. They let me talk and talk and tell them how I just can't be in a relationship, and then still try to kiss me.

How can I get all this and not want any of it, but the guys I DO want to hang out with, the ones that I make plans to hang out with, just kinda blow me off?!

This one guy, I've known him for years, I love hanging out with him and talking to him and really just being with him, but he moved an hour away. I don't have my own car at the moment, so I made plans. I got a ride out there, I hung out with another friend who lives in the same city and told him all about my plans and whatnot. So, when I call this guy to tell him I'm in town and to see when he wants me to come over - he doesn't answer. All day. I'm calling, he's not answering and not calling me back.

In my head I just know that he's mad at me for choosing to hang out with someone else first or something, which I know is crazy, but I've been crazy like that ever since I got pregnant over two years ago. I just knew he was looking at his phone, seeing that I was calling and putting his phone right back in his pocket and continuing whatever conversation he was having.

I was crushed. That whole week after, I was just so upset, wondering why I hadn't heard from him and why he didn't want to see me and wondering if he just didn't know how to tell me that he doesn't really want to see me. So, does this sound like a high school flashback for y'all yet?

Well, we've 'talked' since. I tried to be cute. When we first made plans, I made him an 'offer' to return something to him personally. So I sent him a text this past wednesday saying the offer will expire in 3 days. He apparently forgot all the 'fine print' I had to painstakingly type out into to consecutive texts when we were first making plans. (with my new job, I'm always sending e-mails and I have to sound professional)

He's not mad at me, which I knew was just silly me in the first place. He apologized once I got upset and told him:

"All I wanted to do was see you again - you blew me off - I tried again - that's it - I won't try again - i got it, ok? :'("

I guess he didn't realize how much it hurt me. I mean, I'm okay, there wasn't any permanent damage that I know of, but I'm glad he knows how I feel now.

I still feel like he's one of my best friends. I miss him.

That's IT.

I'm DONE typing this crap. I'm going to bed. I don't even know what this says, so if it reads like gibberish, I'm sorry.

Bummer...

2008-02-01T19:19:00.000-06:00

Well, my internet connection is still wonky - I didn't get on the computer at all last night.

So, I was all excited to go hang out with this guy tonight and what do I get?

A text saying:
(This is in response to my text that said "You're running out of time I'm about to get ready to go out by myself")
"My apologies. I'm still @ work & not feelin too well. I'm going to lay low tonight & rest."

Bummer.

I told him I was sorry he was sick and to definitely rest up and I hope he feels better soon.

So now what am I doing?

Debating whether I should go through the trouble of getting all dressed up and going out just to come home to my depressing little life of lonesomeness.

Maybe I'll just go see a movie, I hear Juno is a real tear jerker.

LOL - I sound so 'emo'!

Okay, okay, so maybe I'm just debating how much effort I want to put into getting dressed and going out!

I'll write out my holidays update later - deal with it!

*Geez - spell check isn't working for me, so I'm sorry if there are any blatant typing errors, I tryed.

Halloween '07

2008-01-30T21:28:00.000-06:00

hmmmm.... Halloween....

Well, let's talk about the Saturday before Halloween! We went downtown to to the Oaklawn Block Party. Everyone shows up in costume and there are stands selling beer and Zima and the like outside and there are clubs and bars and restraunts all up and down the strip.

I went with my friend *S*, her friend, oh, let's call him Mr B., and his female cousin *D*. I am dressed in a white jacket with a black bra, a very short blue plaid miniskirt that was given to me for Christmas by my very first serious boyfriend back when I was 16 (it has big safety pins in two rows down the front), White knee-high stockings and patent leather 3in heel pumps.

The whole outfit may have been a mistake, considering how cold it was and how walking outside on gravel in 3in heels for hours killed my hips. (I had to have help walking to the car at 2am and I was NOT drunk thankyouverymuch.)

BUT it was sooooo worth it!

I walked around with a yard stick spanking people until some guy took my yard stick and broke it over some other guy's ass, even though i told him the whole reason I wasn't hitting seriously hard was cause I didn't want to break it damnit!

Well, anyways, I met this guy - let's call him, um... Mr. Right Now. His costume was hilarious! He was wearing a sandwich board breathalizer test, and I think you can guess just where the part that you are supposed to blow into was located. ;)

So I wanted to take a picture with him and I pulled out my camera and guess what! Yep, it was dead, I was SO completely pissed! So he had his friend take a picture with his camera phone and I figured I would text him my e-mail address and have him e-mail it to me, and that would be the easiest way for me to get it.

You should have seen the way he did a double take when I asked him outright for his number. :D lol

So, I waited...

and I waited...

and I WAITED...

Finally I texted him about it he said he was going to get it to me. That was maybe end of Nov. beginning of Dec.? Not exactly sure.

Well, I waited some more...

and a little longer...

Then, a little after midnight on New Years (that'll be another story) I finally gave him a call. He definitely remembered me and was telling me how he felt so stupid for not being able to figure it out. We kept in touch more frequently through texts after that and he finally e-mailed it to me!

but it was only about an inch and a half high!

He said he would try to fix it, but i don't know...

SOOOOO..... That was a few updates on updates on updates all rolled into one...

Here is the most recent update!

We had been trying to get together for a couple weeks, but it just wasn't working out. He would wait til the last minute and I would have already made plans. I don't wait on anybody anymore, I have spent ENOUGH nights at home alone! (on weekends that The Guy has The Baby, of course). This past Saturday was my friends birthday party, he texted me saying he was going out with friends and I could meet up with them if I wanted. I told him I would be at the party, but he could give me a call when they figured out where they were going and I would see how the party was going and maybe I could meet them.

Friday, I find out that I'm not going to have the car. I'm ready to just not go to the party at all because I don't want to have to depend on someone else to get me home and I want to be able to go home when I want to go home!!

So, I text him, "hey, I'm not gunna have a car tonight - maybe next time - have fun" He texts me back, "OK sounds good"

Then, I start thinking about it, and I set it up to be picked up as soon as possible so that I can have the car and go back to the party if I want (or out to meet this guy)

I text him back saying, "might have a car later - I'll call you"
This is what I get back from him: "Bing! Sound good."
Oh, it made me giggle, I could just hear him saying it!

hmmm... this seems to be getting really long....

He didn't go out til after midnight(the bars close at 2 - lame-o) he was barely out for an hour and a half! I told him it would be pointless for me to drive all the way out there (20-30 minutes) and then drive all the way back to hang out at his place after I found out he only lives 15 minutes away. It would be a big pointless triangle for me to drive - and in the FOG no less!

He texted me at a quarter til 2 saying he was going home, so I met him at his place and we a couple movies, had a little make out session and fell asleep on his couch/futon. Not that I can sleep next to someone like that, but it was okay, I left early Sunday. One night of no sleep didn't really seem to affect me all that much. Go figure.

I told him we would get together again this coming friday, and if not friday, then Saturday during the day, but now my Saturday is pretty full... I texted him earlier today asking what he wanted to do, he hasn't texted me back, lets hope he does tomorrow or I'm gunna have to make other plans, cause I am NOT going to sit at home alone!

okay.... I guess tomorrow I'll tell you about Thanksgiving and Christmas!
(Don't be expecting any updatees over the weekend! :P)

I'm sorry, I know!

2008-01-30T14:41:00.001-06:00

I kow, I didn't post yesterday, but I promise, I'm not going back on my word! My internet at home is spaztic! I'll update as soon as I can :)

I'm sorry, here, have an update, on me.

2008-01-28T21:38:00.000-06:00

Oh wow.... The last thing I wrote about was Speedzone?!
DANG....

well, obviously, it's been a while and you know what that means!

I've been putting off updates because there's just so much, but NOW, I have updates on updates that haven't even been written yet! So I told myself that this week, I write a little update every day and eventually I will have you up to date!

SO... here's my first update.

The day of the speedzone trip, the CPS lady comes to my house, without notice, rolls up her pants' legs takes one look at my house and says 'yeah, this is filthy. Have it cleaned up by tomorrow when I come by, we're trying to get this case closed out by the end of [October]'

THEN - she doesn't show up. Calls me at 7 IN THE MORNING on the 31st desperate to come check the house out. I give her a time and she shows up, I put the dogs in the back room (she's scared of dogs - probably not the best job for her, huh?) but The Baby lets the dogs out... yada yada yada I'm on the phone with her telling her that I've almost got all the dogs put up and what does she do?! SHE KNOCKS ON THE DOOR!! Which of course causes the yappy dog to crazy and she screams bloody murder (not those words, just the sentiment) and runs back to her car.

When I finally do get her back to the house she just peeks in, says, "yeah that looks better, does the rest of the house look like this? Good, I'll call you later tonight to ask you some more questions, but I'm scared the dog is gunna jump the fence.'

Yeah, she never called me. I thought it was over with.

So, here we come to an update on my update.

I came home either last week or the week before to her card on my door again. I call her, she come by, looks at the house and starts to ask me questions.
1. The report said the dog is vicious and bit the baby in the face. (riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight *note sarcasm*)
2. The report said that I don't even like kids and that I just had The Baby to have A baby. (RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT *note even MORE sarcasm*)
3. I don't remember... something like blah blah blah or whatever.

anyways, the thing is now I have no idea who called them! (or what they were on because they obviously don't know me at all...)
I had my suspicions about Guy's family, but I really don't think ANY of them would say something like that! (Not that I'm going to tell him about any of this... the jerk)

oh well, all that really matters is THIS hopefully FINAL update on the update on the update....

Today I got some papers in the mail.

Date of report: 8/28/2007
Specific allegations investigated and disposition:
Type of Alleged Abuse or Neglect:
Neglectful Supervision - RULED OUT
Physical Neglect - RULED OUT

I can also get a copy of the report and get the report removed and destroyed. I have to pay to get the form to fill out to get a copy, but She sent me the removal form with the 'Notice of Findings' paper.

When people ask me about (you know, people I know in real life) I'm just going to tell them I don't want to talk about it - you never know who it could have been! I know I probably won't! I'm going to call tomorrow about getting the copy papers.

Tomorrow I will tell you about Halloween! (That also has an extra update on top of it.)

Speedzone

2007-10-27T11:14:00.000-05:00

So last week, my new job had an emplyee fun day or something like that.

We all went to SPEEDZONE!! woohoo... : D

We were allowed to bring 2 people, but, ya'know? who the heck am i gunna be able to bring that doesn't have to work from 2-5 on a friday?!

well, anyways, it was great fun, got to get to know the people I work with more (mostly crazy guys who probably ALL thought I was 17). We got a card that was good for three hours from the time we got there or whenever we first swiped it but then, they closed down one of the best racetracks for an hour long private while we were there!! So, I guess someone complained enough because while we were walking back outside, one of the managers saw my shirt with the company logo on it and came running up to me and told me, "Tell your group that I'm adding an extra hour to y'all's cards!!"

AWESOME!!

wait... I can't stay til 6!! The daycare closes at 6 and I still have to pick my dad up from work!! LAME.

So, when I'm getting ready to leave at 5 when most everyone else has left to beat traffic already, I go up to the counter and complain saying that the extra hour isn't worth anything if I can't stay. So, they recode my card so that it has however much time i had left on it for me to use next time i feel the need to go racing! KEWL. I'll probably lose the card anyways though. *sigh* oh well...

Well, when they finally opened up the other track, I went and got in line with the guys. At the end of our race time. one of them bumps me from the side so i swerve a little and then, Mr. A. (remember him?) rams me!! Hard enough that my glasses FLY off my face (my NEW glasses thankyouverymuch) and onto the track somewhere where I learn a little later that they were run over by someone else. We were supposed to be coming in to park when my glasses flew off, so I couldn't see and just kinda stopped doing anything to steer which made me run into the entrance quite crookedly so much so that it was completely blocked and no one could get past me.

There were 4-5-6 people stopped behind me and I was sitting there hyperventilating in my car cause I couldn't see. I couldn't see enough to be sure they weren't in my car because to look around, I would have to unbuckle, and I think that was against the rules. When Mr. A. asked me what was wrong, all I could get out was a pitifull little scream, "I CAN'T SEE!!" He kept asking me if my glasses were in my car and all I could say is, "I CAN'T SEE!!"

Finally, the guy that was running the race ran over to look around the track. Thank goodness he found them. I was nearly to tears by the time Mr. A. told me the guy had found them.

The frames are a little scaped up, but the lenses look fine. THANK GOD!!

It was quite an ordeal for me. It was especially nice to inform Mr. A. of the 'huge' bruise on my back from the 'accident'.

can you see it?

all in all, it was a good day, although a larger portion of the office now knows that I have a baby. That was something I might have liked to keep to myself a bit longer...

Yeah, I'm kinda awesome, I know.

2007-10-20T21:31:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a while hasn't it?

Quite a bit has happened, but I think, today, you will only hear the one I like the best. Because I am tired of being mad; I am tired of being stressed and I am tired of dealing with CRAP!!

So, last Saturday, since I was sans baby for the weekend, I decided to go out for the night. Cowboys is a nice place. I like to dance, it's fun! It's been SO long since I've been out there, too. At least 4 months, if not longer. I started dancing in May of 2005 and I've always gone to Cowboys.

Now, usually, I would go to Cowboys Red River which is only 5 minutes from my house and I know practically every bouncer in the place but, this time, I think that isprecisely the reason why I decided to go out to Cowboys in Arlington.

Now, why did I opt for a 30 minute drive as opposed to a straight 5 minute one? Theres a simple answer. Same amount of people. Bigger dance floor. Cuter Bartender.

So, I get there, it's not ladies night so there's no free valet, so I find a parking spot that is a straight shot from the entrance. I get out and make this long and drawn out sexy walk to the door, which brings over an extra bouncer who I believe I've flirted with before. (The faces get blurry in my head the longer it is between visits.) I reach into my pocket to pull out my ID only to realize that both my bank card and my ID are sitting on my desk in front of the computer where I left them when I check my balance online. DAMNIT.

Here is what I remember from my conversation with the two bouncers at the door:

B1: "Valid driver's liscence or ID, please"
B2: "Hey man how's it going over here blah blah blah"
Me: (CRAP - what I thought when I realized what was missing from my pocket) *sigh* "Sorry guys, I've left my Id and my card at home so I can't even pay to get in."
B1: "Well, I need a valid ID to let you in..."
B2: "You changed pants before you came out didn't you? I bet they're in your other pants. I do that all the time."
Me: "Yeah, I'll have to go home and get them." (I am SO dreading that shamful walk back to the car)
B2: "Yeah, that sucks"
B2 to B1: I mean, I know she's old enough to get in, I've seen her here before..."
B1: *think think think* "What's your birthdate?"
Me: *spouts off birthdate*
B2: "Dude, it doesn't matter she said she doesn't have a way to pay to get in!"
B1, turns to B2: "Put her on the list."
B2: "Huh?"
B1: "Take her inside and tell them to put her on the list."
B2: "Oh! C'mon, honey. We'll take care of yah."

So, Bouncer #2 takes me inside and up to the counter. He tells the lady behind the cash register to put me on the list and even has her stamp my hand to say I am over 21 and legally allowed to drink.

Lets review:

~ went to a bar/dancehall and forgot my ID and $.
~ was going to make the hour roundtrip to go home and come back
~ got in anyways

I'd say it was already a good night.

Let's add in a few pretty good dances and the fact that both the manager and the HOT bartender bought me drinks.

I think we need to label this a really good night.

The only way it could have been better is if I had someone to... oh let's leave that up to your imagination.

The Moral to this story?

This Chic is HOT. (and modest, I know) The End.

Google

2007-10-11T00:25:00.000-05:00

So, I was reading Cosmo the other day... I don't get cosmo, mind you, it was in the library with me saying, "Read me, READ me!! I have pretty colors on my cover!! READ ME!!" So I thought, why the heck not, what's it going to hurt?

On the cover there was a title that caught my eye, I only had so long before my next class, I had no time for browsing through the pages one-by-one. So I turned to page (insert page # here) and began to read "4 Things All Guys Keep Private".

Number one: We masturbate. A LOT.

*ahem* big whoop

Number two: blah blah blah
Number three: blah blah blah

it was the last one that really got me:

Number four: We Google you.

WHAT?! Not that I think you're going to come up with anything special with my name, but... well, let me check... I'll be right back...

...

...

hmm.... this is what I got:
Pink virgins, free japanese schoolgirl virgin

I think that scares me...

So, you don't get much if you Google my real name, but I don't want guys googling my SN either! Mainly because they don't need to be reading this blog and then using it to try and get together with me. That's really kind of creepy.

So, don't google me. Got it?

A Full Weekend

2007-10-10T22:52:00.000-05:00

We flew to Arizona this weekend for my cousin's wedding. It was beautiful. My cousins are great! I don't get to see them very often, so it's nice to see everyone in the same place at the same time that I am out there.

[i]ESPECIALLY[/i] my Uncle Jerry.

This was the first time in my 20+ years of life that I have actually met him in person. Sure, I've seen a couple pictures around, but I was seriously starting to believe that he had been photoshopped into them and that he didn't actually exsist. I was wrong, though. He does exsist. He actually took professional pictures for the wedding. Hopefully, I will get some of the candids cause we ALL know that the Baby was in the midst of everything she could be.

After the wedding, when my uncle came out and announced the new bride and her husband, there was the baby, standing in the doorway and blocking their way. She was almost knocked down by my cousin's dress!! Did the Baby care? nope, I doubt she even noticed. She was too busy checking to see if anyone was blowing bubbles outside.

After the wedding, we took the Baby back to my Grandmother's house and changed her into clothing more suitable for a baby on the move and proceeded to the reception.

There was an open bar. I choked down a 'way-too -much-pepper-and-tabasco' Bloody Mary and then went back for something sour, they didn't have any sour apple, so i sat there for a few minutes staring at what they had and finally said, "Well, then how about something with that amaretto?" and the lady said, "How about an Amaretto Sour?" PERFECT!!

Dinner was buffet style-ish and the Baby thought everything was horrendous except for the bread and the chocolates. I gave her a bite of chicken. She opened her mouth and as soon as it touched her tongue, she made this disgusted face and turned her head away. So I put it on the table in front of her. Apparently, it was more disgusting to look at than it was to taste, beacuse a few minutes later, I look over and she grabs the bite of chicken off of the table and proceeds to SMASH it between her hands and throw it on the floor. I feel sorry for the cleaning crew. After dinner, I let her down from the highchair and she spent the majority of the night dancing happily with a spoon... yes, I said a spoon.

After dinner there were more pictures and lots of dancing, including, but not limited to, the electric slide, the macarena and the chicken dance. Fun was had by all.

Now, the highlight of a wedding would be the bouquet and garter toss, right? Seems to me that noone really gets excited about these anymore, because noone wants to get married next!! Well, ladies, have no fear, you do not have to get married any time soon because I, yes [i]I[/i], have caught the bouquet and I'm starting to think it might have the opposite effect on me. For, you see, ladies, this is not the first time I've caught the bouquet at a wedding. The last time was when I was 4-5 months pregnant with The Baby. I see NO wedding bells in my future.

I really wasn't going for it either time, well, I was, but really just out of reflex, y'know? The first time, the bride barely threw it and I had to take a large enough step to cover half the distance between her and us. The only thing that was going through my mind was, "OMG!! It's going to hit the ground!!" I tried to get them to do a do-over, but her mother would have none of that talk.

This time, the bride [i]really[/i] threw the bouquet and it was going over everyone's head. Me, being 6 feet tall in my heels, just reached up and caught a loop of ribbon on my thumb. Lucky me.

The trip was great fun, but I was sick the whole plane ride back. I went to bed early Sunday night with a fever of 101.1 and 600mg of Ibprofen in my system.

yeah, that's right, I said I've got a crush...

2007-10-05T00:06:00.000-05:00

So, seriously, this has GOT to stop!

There's this really cute and funny guy in one of my classes and I SWEAR that every single sentence that came out of my mouth and was directed towards him today contained sexual innuendo, whether or not it was intended!!

DAMMIT!

let's hope he didn't notice so that I can continue to crush in peace! Thank goodness he's growing the facial hair back! I need it to crush!

fun times, fun times...

2007-09-29T11:24:00.001-05:00

So, yesterday, the Baby comes running into the living room waving her diaper at me. She throws it on the floor, turns around to look at me for a split second and then runs back out of the room. Nekkid.

okay, then. I guess I'll let her air out for a bit...

damnit grr

2007-09-26T19:36:00.000-05:00

I know the times are weird, but I wrote this earlier today and then later... and then later... you'll get it

so.... it's 2:03 and I swear she said she would be here at 2 and then told me she meant 1:50 because she's always early....

maybe she said 3?

well, the living room is 'clean'... I moved boxes around to make more room and put all the newspapers in a box and all the mail in a couple big present bags and stuck them in my dad's bathroom!! (shh... don't tell!! hopefully she won't want to see my dad's bedroom, because I take no responsibility for THAT one!!)

oh!! and I've even taken a shower!!

______________________________________

My house is a tiny little box. It's really great because the bedrooms are so big and we have a porch with a swing (we mentioned getting a swing to put there when we were talking to the landlord about moving in - he also put in a doggie door and built a ramp for the dogs outside cause the step is a foot steep - he's awesome). We don't have a hallway, we have a room that connects 4 rooms. The backyard is probably 3 or 4 times as big as the house itself.

So, when you walk in, you're in the living room, if you go through the doorway in front of you, you would be in my dad's room. if you went to the left from the living room, you would be in the connecting room. To your left in the connecting room it the kitchen, which also connects back to my dad's room. in front of you would be the bathroom and to your right would be my room!! there you go a tour of my house. Hope you enjoyed it!!

______________________________________

Okay, so my best friend who moved to Colorado 6 years ago just called and we talked for over an hour and the lady still never showed up. I really don't feel like calling her to see what's going on, so I'll just pretend that I lost her card. cause it's almost 4 now... guess I lucked out... at least the living room is 'clean'...

______________________________________

So, my dad had tickets to the baseball game today at 1. I told him I couldn't go because that lady was supposed to be here at 2. Do you know how pissed I am? She's lucky I'm happy having a semi clean house... *harumph*

New Glasses!! Yay!!

2007-09-26T19:21:00.000-05:00

So, yay!! I got new glasses!! I'm so excited!! And, as I have been informed, that does, in fact, make me a whale penis(dork)!!

It was time for a new pair anyways, lets just say that Eva has had her way with the old pair...

They never quite fit the same after something like that...

I had to take these pictures special because, apparently, I don't think I can take a good picture unless my head is tilted slightly....

These are my old glasses:

and these are my NEW glasses!!:

and even in these, my head is slightly tilted. Habit I guess...

So, they are a pretty big change, I haven't had plastic frames in YEARS....

actually, the last pair of plastic frames I had were these:

yeah, they pretty much ate my face... and not in a good way...

but, alas, my prescription has changed so much that I can no longer wear those without getting a migraine... *sigh* so sad...

(yes, I did take ALL of these pictures today, which means I still have that particular pair in my possession... I dig them out whenever I need a laugh! heh.)

this is my favorite part of my new glasses!! They are light blue on the inside of the frames!!

No Need To Fear....

2007-09-24T23:58:00.000-05:00

If you only knew how relieved I felt right now!! I just breathed the biggest sigh of relief that I could manage without waking the baby.

There is now no need to fear that I will be arrested and the car will be impounded because I have FOUND my driver's liscence!!

and can you guess where it was?

In the laundry, in the back pocket of a pair of shorts that I NEVER wear!!

I was in there tonight putting things in the wash and I wasn't going to put them in because I wasn't planning on wearing them and I take out the tie string before I wash them, which is way too much of a pain for a pair of shorts I probably won't even wear anyways!!

Then, i thought, "Eh, what the heck, might as well, at least it'll get them out of here." I picked them up and, lo and behold, there, sticking WAY out of the back pocket is the plastic wallet picture holder that I keep all my important cards and pictures in. i.e.: my driver's liscence, my bank card (which I recently replaced), my Sam's card, my library card, my favorite picture of the baby at Christmas and my favorites from her 6 month photo shoot at Sear's (which she screamed through BTW).

I'm so happy. I was so afraid I had lost those pictures and didn't have replacements!!

I just cut my canceled bank card in half. It was a bittersweet moment. We'd been through so many stores together... *sniff*

So, anyways, I can 'legally' drive around again!! WOO HOO!! Go me!! Now if only I could find the OTHER plastic wallet picture holder that I lost earlier this year...

I hate thinking up titles...

2007-09-24T16:28:00.001-05:00

Well, I talked to him and he says he has no idea who called CPS on me, but I know that it would have to be someone in his family. Only one of them has ever been to my house and that was a long time ago. I'm never going to be comfortable around his family E.V.E.R. again. Which is horrible because they are so nice, but that in itself, is what makes it so much worse!! How can they be so nice to me and then go behind my back like that without even getting the whole story from ME?!

We talked for a couple hours Saturday night. I ended up going on and on about things he probably didn't need, nor want, to know. Things like how messed up my hormones are since I got preggo and how extremely crazy I get every month. He said he would take it as a warning. I told him he was smart.

I think he just lets me talk and talk and talk because he thinks I'll forget what I was talking about initially, but that doesn't happen when it's something serious, I'll just keep going back to it until I get the response I'm looking for. He'll learn.

We went over to his house yesterday evening with the thought that we would go see some hot air balloons at the balloon festival. But, no. I had him make her dinner so she could eat when we got there and then we did nothing. I mentioned going to the park and he shot that idea down saying it was going to be dark soon. So, essentially, I went over there so let him make her dinner. Granted, we did play outside for a little bit and she actually went down her castle slide that he got her for her birthday, but that was not why we went over there!

So, I had him drive us back home a little early because all of his brother's friends came over to watch the football game. I was slightly annoyed that they already knew The Baby. I know it's irrational, but I hate the thought of her being around people that I have never met before. Cause I am that overprotective mom that her (boy)friends *hack cough spit* are going to hate when she gets older.

I didn't say a word the whole ride home, (Excuse me a moment while I go pull my daughter back inside through the doggie door that she sees as an escape route... and a great way to hide things, like my cell phone!!) which is unusual for me because, as I mentioned indirectly earlier, I'm a pretty big talker. I could talk til your ear falls off and runs away. About nothing in particular at all. I take one statement and turn it into an hour long conversation that touches on so many different subjects that all you can do is smile and nod because there is no way you re going to get a word in edgewise unless I ask you a direct question, and even then, I might cut you off by starting on a whole other tangent.

Anyways, I let him come in and do the bedtime routine with her and then walked him to the door and walked outside with him and turned on the porch light. It was obvious he wouldn't be leaving just yet. We talked for a little bit. He says he feels worse about talking the S.C. without asking than he does about drinking alcohol while he was supposed to be watching the baby. He actually mentioned that it wasn't such a big deal because she was asleep and that he wouldn't have done it had she been awake. Which makes me think that he would do it again given the opportunity.

I told him to look me in the eyes and promise me that he would never drink around the baby again. He said it numerous times, but could not look me in the eyes the whole time he was saying it. So I don't know how much I believe him. Although I have known people who could look you directly in the eyes and outright lie to you, so I'm not sure I would still believe him either way.

Someone asked me the other day if I had ever thought of trying to date him. The thought has crossed my mind, once or twice. Whenever he comes over looking especially nice. Or when he's just gotten out of the shower because he had just finished working when he calls me to bring her over.... *daydream* but I'm afraid it's a really BAD idea. I just know that we would have a bad breakup and be so uncomfortable around each other for the next 17+ years.

Although, last night, when I told him that we would never drink together unless we had someone responsible for watching the baby, he became slightly distraught and then said, "Okay, so we would have to have a babysitter!"

He has, on occasion, said things to make me think he would be interested, because, well, lets be serious here, who wouldn't be interested in me!! Okay, so maybe I wasn't being serious. ;) I think, had the circumstances been different when we met, we probably could have had a nice relationship that would have ended rather prematurely because of my need to be in control of E.V.E.R.ything.

I'll bet you anything that he'd have been long gone by now if I wasn't the girl who had his baby.

wow, what a week... what a week...

2007-09-22T00:12:00.000-05:00

So, on top of everything else... He called CPS on me.

there is a kind of a hallway/room in my house that connects almost all the rooms together... my house is really small. anyways, at one point, the dogs were using it as a restroom early in the morning and we would have to clean it up everyday, this lasted less than a week.

I told The Guy not to let her crawl through there(I had gates up at all doors except the one to my/her room because i just keep that door closed) because I wasn't sure it was completely clean and I wanted to REALLY clean it before letting her go through there.

He called CPS and reported that my house was unclean and that there were safety hazards (ie: dog feces on the floor).The first time this lady came by, she left a handwritten note on the door.

I tried to call, her phone was off and no one answered the office phone and it didn't say who she was, so I didn't leave a message. I then went through the CPS touch tone service and got transferred to a different person who also wasn't there, but actually had a message on her machine telling me who she was. So I left a message with her, but never heard back. This was a couple weeks ago.

When I told my mom, she automatically said that she guessed we were finally seeing the other side of The Guy, but I told her, "No, I really don't think he would do anything like that!"

guess I was wrong.

The CPS worker came back today and left a card on my door. After I talked to her and she told me what the report was about, I KNEW who made it. I assume there was pressure from his family, which also upsets me because they have been so nice.

I left him a voicemail saying that I didn't want to see him, hear from him, or have anything to DO with him unless he was coming to pick MY Baby up for the weekend that he is allowed to have her.

It may have been a little harsh, but he has completely trashed whatever trust I had in him and I have problems trusting men in the first place! and there it is... that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach... even worse than it was before...

The lady called me back and made an appointment to come back and talk to me at the house for next Wednesday. So we're going to be cleaning this weekend. a LOT.

I'm debating whether or not to go ahead and try to get him to have only supervised visits from now on or not. I think I might bring it up with him first...

2007-09-20T22:55:00.001-05:00

Well, I know it's only Thursday and the week is not over yet, but I think I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm not going to hear from The Guy until he absolutely has to talk to me about The Baby.

I've tried to call him. I've left messages for him to call me. I just don't see it happening. I haven't heard from him since the previously mentioned e-mail.

I guess my mom is right; maybe I am kind of scary.

I just can't let him off on this one. I've gotten mad before, but haven't followed through. I get mad, forget I was mad or just don't want to deal with it, so I let it go. I can't do that this time and it sucks!! I HATE being mad for extended periods of time!!

I don't want to send him an e-mail because it's late and I don't want him to call me before he reads the e-mail cause I HATE to repeat myself like that! ... not that I expect him to call tomorrow, though. Just wishful thinking on my part, I guess...

I hate that I have become attatched to my phone this week, just hoping that he might call. When I realize my phone is not on my person, I have to look around until I see it, and if it is in a place where i might not hear it if I leave the room, i put it in my pocket.

This whole situation just makes me sick to my stomach. The more I think about it, the more details I remember and the more I realize how hard he tried to cover it up.

I believe him that he feels like shit about it. So much so that I think it's probably punishment enough. I'm just not sure how much I can trust him anymore...

I'm gunna just go to bed now, maybe I'll feel a little better tomorrow.

leave a comment, so that I know at least someone is reading this!

Southern Comfort.... if only it was like that...

2007-09-17T23:12:00.001-05:00

So, I need to give you the background on a bottle of untasted by me Southern Comfort that has been waiting for me for over a year:

I turned 21 in July of '06.

I had my baby shower July 29th of '06.

One of my favorite guys in the world came to my baby shower, but instead of a baby gift, he brought me a birthday gift! A bottle of Southern Comfort. I've never had Southern Comfort and by the time that I was actually able to drink, I had put it somewhere and forgotten about it.

I mentioned it to The Guy one time and you could practically see his ears perk up at the mention of alcohol in my possession. (He was quite the drunk when I first met him, although I haven't seen him drunk since.) He immediately asked me if I knew where it was. I told him that it was in the cupboard because i had found it on my desk in my room and had decided that is probably wasn't a good idea to keep alcohol where the baby can find it. He mentioned that he had noticed it in my room.

So, we've periodically joked about how long it had been since I had had a drink, and he would always mention that I did have that Southern Comfort just sitting around, but I still never took it out of the cupboard.

Well, last month sometime, I had him come over and watch Eva during her nap so that I could go get some stuff done and register for school and whatnot. I was gone for maybe a half an hour.

Sometime last week I opened that cupboard looking for the Febreeze and guess what I found. Yep. A half-EMPTY bottle of Southern Comfort and a shot glass that used to be in a different cupboard.

I actually asked my dad if he had had any of it so that I could be sure that I wasn't falsely accusing The Guy of something he may not have done. I wouldn't have been mad cause my dad didn't know that it was mine, or anything about why it was there, but my dad tells me that he doesn't even like Southern Comfort and had been wondering where it had come from.

Today I thought, "It's going to happen eventually, confront him now before you forget and it's a moot point."

So, I left him a not-so-nice message on his voice mail....

I think it went a little something like this: "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS!! I CAN'T TRUST YOU ALONE IN MY HOUSE FOR EVEN A HALF AN HOUR?!?!? YOU ARE GOING TO BUY ME ANOTHER BOTTLE!!!!"

You know, short and to the point. I'm proud that I didn't even feel the need to use profanity.

Well, he couldn't even 'face' me about it over the phone, but he did send me an e-mail and he seems really sincere in his apology. Say's he really feels like shit and felt like shit as soon as he did it. His exact words: "I'm really sorry about the bottle. I really feel like shit about it. I felt like shit about it since the minute i did it. I'll buy you a new one. I know that doesn't make up for it." Yeah, it's not really about the bottle. It's a trust issue now. I just keep wondering what else is he too afraid to admit to me?

*sigh*

We've got a lot of stuff to work through if we're going to be able to play nice as parents... : /

cause I'm just plain old kinda crazy....

2007-09-17T00:10:00.000-05:00

So tonight, I'm having a long drawn out argument, bigger than any other one we've had so far because it encompasses so many aspects of the last year or so, and I keep hearing my phone do that little chirpy noise it does when it's dying. Every time I hear it, i stop in the middle of whatever sentence or word i happen to be saying and so a quick look around to see if it's in plain sight somewhere so I can just turn it off so it will stop chirping.

Yet, every time it chirps, it sounds so close, but is nowhere in sight!

Finally, I'm sitting on the bed after changing a diaper when I hear it chirp again! Now I know it has to be right next to me, cause it sounded so close! I glanced around the bed and when I didn't find it i though, "wait, maybe it's..."

Yep, you guessed it, it was in my pocket.

Bacon and chair lovin', it's been an eventful night

2007-09-12T23:22:00.001-05:00

So, we went to IHOP tonight and I have decided that MY Baby cannot possibly be my kid!! She was dancing because she got bacon!! (I am SO not a fan of bacon) She liked it SO much!! She ate the whole piece and was chewing on it FORE.V.E.R!! She would take the piece out of her mouth and hand it to me(oh goodie, soggie bacon for Mommy), only to change her mind and grab it away from me and put it back in her mouth so that she could continue her wonderfully fun bout of bacon chewing.

OH, but that is not the best part of our evening!! No, not even close!!

after we were all finished eating, I let her get out of the booth and walk around as far as my arm would go, when an older, grandparent-y looking couple at a booth near ours said, "you could let her walk over here, we'll send her back!"

So I let her go, but she seems wary of them. So, instead of walking to them, she walks to a chair at a table near us and starts dancing to the music wafting from the IHOP speakers. You know, typical baby dancing, the kind of jumping up and down thing that they do.... but THEN... and I swear I am not making this up.... she starts to 'hump' the chair!!

She goes back and forth in her dancing styles, but always the same two. Jumping up and down, make love to the chair, jumping up and down, "you know you like this" and the whole time I'm thinking in my head, "Please, Please, PLEASE don't let these people think I taught her this!"

I'm STILL mortified!!

"hello? HELLO?!"

2007-09-12T17:04:00.000-05:00

So, lately, everytime you hand MY Baby a phone, she'll hold it up to her ear and say "hello?hello?", and, subsequently, she has been crawling under the corner table to get to the house phone so that she can take it off of the charger, hold it up to her ear and say, "hello?hello?".

Of course, every time she does that, I scold her, take the phone away, and remind her that babies don't belong under that table... it's where the dogs go to hide.

So, today, I she was on the other side of the coffee table and I couldn't exactly see her... (if you'd seen my house, you would know why) but I could hear her saying, "hello?hello?"

Now, I knew that she hadn't been under the corner table, cause I would've noticed, and my cel phone was put up, I could see it from where I was sitting, so I could not, for the life of me, figure out what phone she had found!

So I sit up straight and crane my neck to see her over the coffee table and lo and behold, there she was, sitting in the middle of the floor, saying, "hello?hello?" with a playing card held up to her ear!

only MY Baby...

Just once, I would like to have a conversation without any arguing!!

2007-09-11T12:13:00.000-05:00

Well, The Guy came over last night. He didn't get to finish his work because it stormed all morning, so he just made himself stop early so he could come over.
When he called before he asked me what I had found out about the insurance and I said, "What do you care? You aren't going to pay anyways!" and he counters with, "well, I was going to offer to pay half..." "except that you already said NO!"

So we argue a little bit about it and he tells me that I was acting like he OWED me this money... WTH? So I told him that even if she had insurance, I might still have to pay some for her appts and he would still have to pay for half of that!

So, even though I got mad at him, he still brought me $50 when he came over last night. Yeah, he's a good guy.

I don't know how he got that I was acting like he owed me for that, all I was trying to get across was that medical bills are not a part of the child support that he pays every month and that, from what I've seen, they are split 50/50.

I just hope I can get her back on medicaid. That would help SO much.

Grrr....

2007-09-09T13:33:00.000-05:00

well, The Guy was supposed to watch MY Baby for me last night while I ushered a show by Second City up at the college for one of my classes. He called me around noon and said that he would be home by 6. He then called me at 5:45 to tell me that he still had a lot of work to do because he had picked up some extra stuff to do that day, but that his mom and his aunt would be at his house when I get there and that they would watch her until he got home.

I told him, in not an extremely nice manner, that his DAUGHTER needs to come first. Picking up extra work on a day when he knows that he has a responsibility for that night is NOT OKAY!! I told him that I feel like he NEVER puts her first, and that whether or not he feels like he's doing that, that's the way I see it! It is NOT his family's responsibility to take care of HIS daughter. It is NOT their responsibility to give her her medicine when she's sick. It is NOT their responsibility to put her to bed at night. It is HIS responsibility.

I told him he had better be there before her bedtime so the HE can give her her medicine. I made sure that his family knew that HE was supposed to give it to her and I picked her up early this morning instead of this afternoon like I had planned.

I understand that he has to do work to make money, but he works during the week, too. When this person asked for him to mow his lawn, he should have said, "I have other responsibilities tonight, but I can mow for you next Wednesday." (not that I would ever expect anyone to actually sound like that!! but he could paraphrase)

I asked him to call me when he got home so that I would know that he was there and that he should leave a message because I probably wouldn't be able to answer. Which he did. He's a good guy, really he is.

We had a problem like this last weekend, too. He kept her for the whole weekend and she woke up with a fever early (4am) Sunday morning. He did not call me to tell me until lunchtime and he was also calling to tell me that he was going out to lunch with his uncle who was in town and had left MY Baby with his mom and Aunt again!! (his mom can't pick her up, something is wrong with her wrist, can't quite remember the details, but that's why his aunt is always there with her)

I told him that he is her parent and HE should be the one taking care of her while she is sick!! I'm sure his mom urged him to go to lunch and assured him that she would be fine, but she was SICK, she was not fine to begin with!! I love his mom though, she is such a nice person!! So is his aunt! And, while I applaud them offering to watch her so that he can have some fun, it would have been much more appropriate had she NOT been sick!

*sigh* I just don't know what goes through his head sometimes!

He told me he's going out to Denton this afternoon to see his sister's apartment (That their parents are paying for) and said he was hoping to take the motorcycle. I really hope he takes his truck instead. Motorcycles scare me normally, but it's been raining and I will be worried all day until he calls when he gets back... okay, maybe not all day.... but every time i remember....if I remember.... okay, so maybe I'll remember when he's calling to tell me he's home! I told him he could come over this evening if he wanted and we would go to the park. That's the only reason he would be calling me when he got home.

*sigh*

I wish I wasn't losing my voice...

sigh

2007-09-07T22:57:00.000-05:00

I have to go wake the baby up to give her her amoxicillin and put eyedrops in her eyes because I forgot to do it before I put her to bed. It's after 11pm now, what a great mom...

Mac N Cheese anyone?

2007-09-06T11:33:00.001-05:00

So, our microwave is not exactly new...

The light inside has been burnt out for a couple years i think, so I can't even watch my food spinning around in circles as it is being nuked! *tear* There is a button to push at the bottom of the microwave that is supposed to unlatch the door and let it swing out freely welcoming my food into it's belly. But that never happens when you press the button.

The easiest way to get the microwave door open is to push the button AND push down on the door from the top. ( as if there is another place you can push down from...ha)

Now, this may not seem like a huge problem to others, but there is NO counter space by the microwave at all, and it is damn near impossible to push down on the top of the microwave and push down on the door while holding a very unsteady bowl of macaroni and water!! I mean, there IS space in front of the microwave, but then I would be blocking the door and therefore defeating the purpose of trying to get it open anyways.

So, I usually just press the button and push up REALLY hard on the bottom of the door until it opens, this may be the hard way, but at least I don't have to waste my precious time finding somewhere else to set my food just to open the dang door on the microwave!! (it really is ridiculous isn't it? I'm so lazy!)

"See? Mommy likes it!! It's yummy!!"

2007-09-06T08:58:00.000-05:00

So, last night I made The Baby a hot dog. I figured, she knows how to eat string cheese sticks, I think she can figure out hot dogs without choking or something...

So, I make her a hot dog and she takes one little tiny bite and spits it right back out!! So, of course, I want to show her how good it is by taking a bite and saying, "See? Mommy likes it!! It's yummy!!"

So literally she says, "Well, then YOU eat it!!"

okay, so maybe she didn't literally say that, but she meant it!! As soon as I took a bite, she shoved it back into my mouth for me to take another bite and as soon as i had taken my second bite, she shoved it back in my mouth again!! This went on for the whole first half of the hot dog and continued when I brought over the second half to see if she might think it was something different. Nope, no such luck, as soon as I got down in front of her with it, she shoved it right into my mouth! (do you see the pattern here?)

I guess we won't be having hot dogs for dinner again anytime soon...

hmmm....

2007-09-05T23:03:00.000-05:00

it has come to my attention that there are some people who think that I have a 'holier than thou' attitude.

let's set the record straight.

I have a sarcastic attitude.

I don't think I'm better than anyone.

Everyone has had different experiences in their lives, I offer my views, take them or leave them, I don't care, but don't talk about me behind my back. I would hate for people to not even try to get to know me just because of a stupid misunderstanding!

I guess I should put a disclaimer on every sarcastic thing I write.... no, cause I would forget and then y'all would think I was serious, and then we'd be right back at square one!!

So, if you don't know me, don't assume stuff about me, ask me about it!!

In time you will grow to love my sarcastic ways!

bad Mommy. very bad Mommy

2007-09-05T10:35:00.000-05:00

okay, I admit it, I've been bad. I haven't filled out the paperwork to renew MY Baby's medicaid... probably because I know she won't be elligable anyways. I also admit that I do need to look into getting her on CHIP.

BUT I waited too long. Her was up the beginning of the month and, of course, she is now sick. Yucky green runny nose, green goop in her eyes, a fever that keeps coming back, you know, all the good stuff (minus throwing up, we have none of that, THANK GOODNESS)

So, anyways, she's got a doctor's appt today with her regular pediatrician and they told me it's going to be $60. So I call to ask The Guy if he'll pony up half and what I got from the conversation was that he didn't want to help pay because he wouldn't have to pay if I had filled out hte paperwork so she would still have insurance. He asked me why I couldn't just pay it out of the child support. The rest of the conversation pretty much consisted of me repeating over and over that medical bills are not part of the child support he is paying and his repeating, over and over, "but if you had filled out the paperwork...blah blah blah..."

So I hung up on him.

I was up all the night before doin homework for school. (because I am the WORST procrastinator you will ever meet, hence the fact that I haven't sent out the paperwork yet) and I was dealing with a sick baby, which , unlike him, I cannot pawn off on my parents just so i can go have lunch with someone!! (he did this sunday. She woke up witha fever in the middle of the night and he STILL left her with his mom to go have lunch with his uncle. He hasn't quite figured out that "I have a baby now and can't be selfish" deal) So, I was NOT in the mood to deal with that kind of poop.

Well, he didn't try to call me back, so I'm going to assume that he doesn't really care that much about her welfare and I will not be the one to call him to tell him how the appointment went.

because, regardless of how we got to this point of not having insurance for MY Baby, we ARE here and it needs to be dealt with he should not be focusing on what I should have done, but what needs to be done.

*bleh* that's better.

I just love this picture...

2007-09-04T04:06:00.000-05:00

"Bitch, don't make me slap you!"

it's 4am and I'm getting overly emotional....

2007-09-04T04:00:00.000-05:00

sometimes, I feel like just telling people, if you REALLY don't like it THAT much, then why are you HERE?!?

I mean, seriously, it is natural that everyone, at some time, is going to reach a point where they REALLY need to vent about something!!

and, of course, when they reach that point, there is also going to be someone there to say, "stop bitching cause things could be SO much worse!!"

and you know what? YEAH things could ALWAYS be worse, and you know HOW they could be worse? if E.V.E.R.yone kept E.V.E.R.ything holed up inside of them!!

like when one of people bitch about your husbands, someone else is thinking, well at least your husband does SOMETHING mine blah blah blah, but then there's people like me who could also be right there saying, well at least you HAVE a husband, now let me tell you what my AD(active dad) just did to piss me off, and then there's others who could also bitch at me saying, well, at least you have an AD I just have an SD!! and then there's other's who say, well at least he's leaving you alone, MY SD is making my life a living HELL!!

so... YOU KNOW WHAT?!? don't judge somebody based on their occasional ranting!! E.V.E.R.yone knows that their situation could be worse, and they don't need some random person coming and sending them on a guilt trip for not appreciating ALL they have ALL the GOSH DAMN FREAKING TIME!!

WOO... it's 4am and if that made sense, I'll eat my socks!!

FYI

2007-09-03T21:56:00.002-05:00

I'm a very emotional person... and I DO get upset easily. I've been trying to work on my responses to certain things because I have seen that my reactions don't necessarily get me what I want in the long run.... is: Guys don't like to be yelled at, especially when they don't get a chance to defend themselves in the process.

just to get you started....

2007-08-19T14:59:00.000-05:00

here is a synopsis of what you will be seeing here:

I am a single mom.

From here on out, my child will be referred to as Baby and her Father will be referred to as Guy.

I will have a rant about once or twice a month, usually within a two week span. :)
Mostly about Guy's latest 'PISS ME OFF' moment.
Now, I want to state, for the record, right now that Guy is an absolutely wonderful person and I admire him for stepping up the way he has, but Iquestion his decisions and feel he needs to be a more, "Take Charge" kind of person.

Since this is just my initial post, I won't write anything more specific until later :)
mostly cause I'm lazy right now (shhh)

so, look forward to hearing more from me, and if you think you know me, don't ask, caus ei don't want to know who reads this!!

have a great day!!

*HUGS*

<3 ME

Who Am I?

Joe Stack Manifesto

Valentine's Dress!

Eclipse Script Leaked...

I should be doing laundry...

Oh, is it irony? or just weird coincidence?

Halloween 2009 - *whew* Thank goodness it's OVER!!

Memory

BATTLE!!

Love YOU!!

I <3...

I'm a flake, it's ok, everyone else knows, you should, too.

Happy Holidays!

Picture FUN!!

Finally!

Do you Woot?

"I'm a little Teapot..."

YOU

Damn you, Winnie the Pooh...

Damnit...

It doesn't work like that.

I apologize in advance for my inevitable profanity...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Time for Giving Thanks

Excerpts from my living room...

P.S.

The DRUNK

It's done.

Damn fine... *ahem* 'Fine damnit'

I knew...

Thank you, my Dear.

Love, Me.

I'm having a drink...

Sometimes I get sad...

Thursday.

Excerpts from Texas Renaissance Festival - Vol. 2

The Universal Sign of 'Good Job!'

Far From The Great Valley...

I'm a Bum.

Excerpts from Texas Renaissance Festival - Vol. 1

YAY!!

Time for Optimism, oh how I've missed you...

Think of me this weekend....

She knows what she wants...

I'm not sure what to think...

Casey's Obituary

Sadness

Torn, so very torn.

It's that Time again!! Freaky Fried Fair Food!

The Spider

A conversation with The Baby

It's time I came clean...

CROP Hunger Walk - Please Help

My new new glasses!!

Somebody save me!!

How does one forget something like this?

alright, I'll admit it...

I just deleted a really good friend from my life.

She has officially forgotten...

I haven't gotten much sleep...

Glasses....

Love...

Cute? not so much...

...

I don't get it....

Bummer...

Halloween '07

I'm sorry, I know!

I'm sorry, here, have an update, on me.

Speedzone

Yeah, I'm kinda awesome, I know.

Google

A Full Weekend

yeah, that's right, I said I've got a crush...

fun times, fun times...

damnit *grr*

New Glasses!! Yay!!

No Need To Fear....

I hate thinking up titles...

wow, what a week... what a week...

Halloween 2009 - whew Thank goodness it's OVER!!

Damn fine... ahem 'Fine damnit'

damnit grr

sigh