She has officially forgotten...

So, we haven't been using the crib for the past few months. It had become a storage area for toddler clothes.

Well, The Baby's sleep schedule has been way off since the road trip and she hasn't been wanting to go to bed until 10:30 - 11 at night. So tonight, as she was fighting me at 8, it dawned on me that she had her own bed with prison bars.

I threw all the clothes out onto my bed, put her pillow and her teddy bear in the crib and then deposited her heinie onto the little mattress.

So, guess who has forgotten how to climb out of the crib?

WOOT!!

I wonder how long this will last...

I haven't gotten much sleep...

The baby has been off in her sleep habits since out road trip to San Antonio to visit my mom a couple weekend ago. (it was a surprise, I'll elaborate later) So she has been not wanting to go to bed on time and I'm a pushover. tonight, she went to bed by 9!! I'm so proud!!

So, I should be sleeping because although she has been going to bed late, she has still been getting up early. Sucky.

So, if any posts I make seem to be rambly and pointless, you know why.

good night...

Glasses....

Sooooo..... The baby broke my glasses.



The day before Mother's day.



Some gift, huh?



She had already gotten ahold of my sunglasses a few months ago. I still use them. They work fine, see?

Yep, just fine!

I caught her taking them out again a month or so later and yelled, "NOOOOOOO!!!" Kinda like when everything goes slow motion? Well, I startled her and she closed them, put the back in the case, stuck the case back in my purse and closed my purse.

She's so cute.

Anyways - yeah, my regular glasses, not quite as usable as my sunglasses still are.

AND - they don't fix glasses when the arm comes off, but if they still have the same pair, they'll sell it to you again so that you don't have to go get all new lenses!! WOO! (sarcasm) They didn't have the same frames. It'll be a while before I get my glasses back. poop.

oh well...

Love...

LOVE

is a BOG OL' CROCK of...

okay, okay, let's not get vulgar here...

let's see if I can make my point in a nicer manner.

I am usually very optimistic person, but this topic is where you will find cynical side rear it's ugly head. I have no faith in love. I have no faith in peoples ability to understand these feelings. Love is a feeling where many people go with their gut, be damned the consequences.

I don't understand how someone could think they are in love after such a short time. I've dated guys for less than three months before who would say they loved me.

I don't think this is appropriate.

At first, I would say it back. I was young it was no big deal. What? You love me? Ok, cool, love you, too. Eventually I would start feeling bad cause I really didn't mean it and since I knew I didn't mean it, how could I be sure that they knew enough about what they were feeling to adequately define it? What if they were just saying it because they thought it was the right thing to say? What if I'm over analyzing everything way too much? (that was a joke, the answer is obvious)

Still. How long is long enough for someone to be able to say they are truly in love? Obviously it varies from person to person. For me, I won't say it unless I mean it. I won't type even type out the words if I don't mean them. I will, however, type things like, 'luv yah', 'luv you', 'luv, me' and the like. Saying something like that, in that manner, makes it not such a serious thing to say. at least in my head.

To be honest, I have actually corrected a boyfriend who told me he loved me after only a month of sporadic dates. "I Love you." "HA - no you don't!"

I admit, not my best moment, but that's what I felt. I felt he, in no way, knew enough about me to be able to love me. I'm sure he loved the idea of me, but not me.

I have often wanted to say 'I love you' to someone, in the heat of passion, a make out session or something of that nature, but I have always refrained. I know I would just be saying because it seemed like an appropriate thing to say at the time. I would not have meant a single word. Sure, I might have loved what was going on, but it definitely wouldn't have meant the same to him since it meant nothing to me. (the words)

I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in attraction and infatuation as things that drive one to get to know another person, but the phrase, "We fell in love the very fist time we gazed into each other's eyes," is just wishy-washy, smarmy and all round sickening.

It literally makes me cringe whenever I hear people in new relationships tell each other, "I Love You!" I always think, how long have you two even been dating?! How well do you even know each other?! Y'all are still in that awkward phase where you won't even FART in the same HOUSE!

I guess I just know, deep down inside that one of them will do something to hurt the other. I just know it. But all the good times will seem like enough to outweigh the bad things, but they never do, do they? You can forgive, but you never forget, no matter how hard you try.

I don't want to fall in Love because deep down, I know, either I will cause them pain myself, or they will do something to cause me pain which will in turn, cause them pain. What a twisted mind I have, huh?

Well, I guess my point is - don't tell me that you love me unless you mean it. Don't tell anyone that you love them unless you truly believe you do. I don't take kindly to BullShit.

Actually, I guess the real point is. If you are male. I don't trust you.

Cute? not so much...

So, I know it's been a while - I was sorta off put by a very rude comment somebody tried to post.

anyways - I don't have much to say except to leave you with a story from this past week.

If you were a really close friend in HS, you would know that, although I do not have much of an ass, what I do have jiggles not unlike jell-o.
It has not changed much except for that it might just be a little bigger since I had The Baby. (ie: whatever I had on top before the baby, has just repositioned itself onto my rear.)

So, the other day, I was in the kitchen washing dishes, pantsless. Don't ask me why, just go with it. The Baby comes running in with her arms raised as high as they could go and smacks me in an attempt to get my attention.

Where did she smack me, you ask?

Well, as you might have guessed from my little back story... yep, in just the right spot to get my jell-o jigglin'. Cause that was as high as she could reach.

She stopped for a second and giggled.

Then she hit me again....

and again...

and again...

and by this time, she is full out laughing.

Now, I can't do much with my hands in hot soapy water, but when I did turn around, she ran off, giggling.

Guess she knew I wouldn't think it was that funny...

Oh the joys of Motherhood.

and now that you all have an absolutely wonderful image of me in your heads, I will bid you all a good night.

...

Have you ever felt like you knew someone cared, but you just got that feeling that they wish they didn't? *sigh*

I don't get it....

So, I went out dancing last night - it was wonderful.

I got stuck with some guys who had no idea how to dance, but I think I got just as many good dances out of other guys to make up for them.

I got slightly drunk, but started drinking only water at about 12:45 and I was out til at least 3am, so I wasn't even tipsy driving home. I did, however, have to freakin' pee SO bad the whole way home! At least that kept me awake, huh?

By the end of the night, most of the good dancers had gone home, and pretty much all that was left were the drunk guys who didn't know how to dance in the first place. One of my last dances was teaching a guy how to dance, it was fun though, he was sweet.

To be clear:

Now, I don't go out to pick up guys, I go out to dance. I have a strict 'No' policy.

"Can I have your number?"
"No, I don't give out my number."

"Can I drive you home."
"No, thank you."

"Wanna come back to my place and maybe watch a movie or something?"
"Ummmm.... NO."

"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Sure!"

Okay, okay, so maybe it's not that strict, but I did refuse drinks after I decided that I needed to be drinking water.

To reitterate:

I don't go out to pick up guys. I do not go out to string some guys along all night before I drop the bomb that I'm not going home with them either. I feel that I am very clear.

Don't try to kiss me. Keep your hand off my ass. Don't look down my shirt!

I go out to DANCE. That's it. Really. I may be rusty and unable to keep time as well when I sing, although I'll be singing every single song.... I am there to have a night of fun. Maybe have a few drinks, and it's just a bonus if I don't have to pay for them! I don't want one guy hanging all over me because then, all the guys will think I'm taken and be to scared to ask me to dance! UGH!! Just back off!! I'm not looking for some kind of one night stand, I'm not looking for any kind of relationship, I'm just looking for a dance!!

Sorry - little vent... too bad it won't change anything...

Alright, now, to get to the point. - I Don't Get It.

How is it that I can go out and it doesn't matter whether I am dressed up or just wearing jeans and a black tank top, I will have guys all over me, trying to kiss me, wanting to get my number, trying to impress me whatever....

and I really just don't want anything to do with them for anything other than a little 'friendly' flirting for the night? BUT they are insistant, they ask multiple times for my number after i tell them no. I tell them to find somebody else to dance with and they catch me at the other end of the bar once I've gone to buy my drink or whatever. They let me talk and talk and tell them how I just can't be in a relationship, and then still try to kiss me.

How can I get all this and not want any of it, but the guys I DO want to hang out with, the ones that I make plans to hang out with, just kinda blow me off?!

This one guy, I've known him for years, I love hanging out with him and talking to him and really just being with him, but he moved an hour away. I don't have my own car at the moment, so I made plans. I got a ride out there, I hung out with another friend who lives in the same city and told him all about my plans and whatnot. So, when I call this guy to tell him I'm in town and to see when he wants me to come over - he doesn't answer. All day. I'm calling, he's not answering and not calling me back.

In my head I just know that he's mad at me for choosing to hang out with someone else first or something, which I know is crazy, but I've been crazy like that ever since I got pregnant over two years ago. I just knew he was looking at his phone, seeing that I was calling and putting his phone right back in his pocket and continuing whatever conversation he was having.

I was crushed. That whole week after, I was just so upset, wondering why I hadn't heard from him and why he didn't want to see me and wondering if he just didn't know how to tell me that he doesn't really want to see me. So, does this sound like a high school flashback for y'all yet?

Well, we've 'talked' since. I tried to be cute. When we first made plans, I made him an 'offer' to return something to him personally. So I sent him a text this past wednesday saying the offer will expire in 3 days. He apparently forgot all the 'fine print' I had to painstakingly type out into to consecutive texts when we were first making plans. (with my new job, I'm always sending e-mails and I have to sound professional)

He's not mad at me, which I knew was just silly me in the first place. He apologized once I got upset and told him:

"All I wanted to do was see you again - you blew me off - I tried again - that's it - I won't try again - i got it, ok? :'("

I guess he didn't realize how much it hurt me. I mean, I'm okay, there wasn't any permanent damage that I know of, but I'm glad he knows how I feel now.

I still feel like he's one of my best friends. I miss him.

That's IT.

I'm DONE typing this crap. I'm going to bed. I don't even know what this says, so if it reads like gibberish, I'm sorry.