I just deleted a really good friend from my life.

He's been kind of an on and off Bipolar friend for the past three years. We had kind of a 'Buddy' thing going on the past few months.

I guess I started getting too close. He doesn't like that. He scared shitless that I will find out that he really is the horrible person he thinks he is.

He called me today and said that he thinks we shouldn't see each other anymore.

When we were dating, he broke up with me the day before Valentines day because of this same shit.

I'm happy for him. He wants to move on, move on. But leave me the FUCK out of it. (excuse my language)

I just sent him the following e-mail:

"Some things I want you to know:

You are like family to me.

You are the ONLY guy friend I feel comfortable around.

I know you don't like letting people get close and I totally understand you wanting to move on... finally. I just want you to know that I don't appreciate this crap. I'm not mad, I'm not upset, I am just tired. Tired of dealing with your back and forth attitude toward me.

I care about you. I want you to be happy and if this is what it takes for you to be happy then that's fine, but I don't want to deal with this ever again.

I thought we had an understanding. I thought things were good. I've been dating of sorts. I was finally ready to get out again. So I guess this is good for both of us, then. Letting go? Well, then let's do it completely. You don't have to be scared that I'll get too close anymore cause I won't ever be close to you again. Emotionally or physically.

Please don't take this as hostile. It's just matter of fact. We obviously don't need each other anymore. I enjoy your company. You are an intelligent guy and you have a great sense of humor and I love just talking to you. It's just not worth it anymore. I'm really glad you told me up front instead of letting us have another weird night like Saturday. Psh, and I thought it was my fault. I should have left right then.

Well, I'm done.

Delete my number from your phone, you won't need it anymore. I've already deleted yours. This is what we need - a clean break. No backtracking.

Okay, I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, [insert name here]... Goodbye."

I then proceeded to delete him from my address books on my e-mail, delete him from my facebook and myspace. I'm about ready to delete all correspondence so that I don't have to worry about being tempted.

We have mutual friends, I'm sure there is no way to completely cut him out of my life, but I am damn sure gunna try.

I hate him when he does this to me. I feel like he cares about me, but he really doesn't want to. So I'm done.

donedonedoneDONE.

and to top it all off, I just cried on the phone to one of our mutual friends for a half an hour.

tell me I'm not crazy.

This is the Third time I've cried because of him and I don't cry over boys. This was the last straw. [expletive deleted].