Happy Holidays!

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas or a Happy Hanukkah!

I started losing my voice a few days before Christmas and I still haven't found it. Well, at least I haven't found mine. I seem to have stumbled upon the voice of a very large, emphysematic (yes, I just made that word up...) biker who has smoked 3 packs a day for the past 45 or so years, though. I imagine that he has a balding head, a long black ponytail with a touch of grey, a fully grey handlebar moustache and a big studded black leather jacket with matching pants. Can you hear it? I can.

This happens a couple times per year, this losing my voice thing. Last time,I couldn't remember what my voice sounded like normally, so when it finally did come back, I wasn't sure it was really mine!

I will be leaving Wednesday morning for Tampa to visit my Mom and Gramma. We will be gone for the better part of a week.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Years Eve!

Until next year!

Picture FUN!!

I had been trying to get Christmas pictures done for over a week. I was planning to do them this past Saturday while The Guy was working.

A couple days before, he informs me that him mom and his aunt really want to watch The Baby while he is working. I told him I was planning on taking pictures and he asks me why I can't do them on Monday after work. (Three days before Christmas) If I put it off again, it won't get done, I had been trying to do it after work all week!

We agree that I will take her for the afternoon and bring her back for dinner so I can get the pictures done. I woke up excited Saturday only to find a txt message on my phone asking, once again, if I can wait on the pictures because now his sister is coming home to see her.

So I called him.

"If I don't get to do these today, then I want you to bring her back early tomorrow and help me with the pictures."

"Ok, yeah, I guess I can do that."

So, Sunday rolled around and what did he do?

He put her down for her nap an hour and a half late, brought her back on time (not early, he was actually 5 minutes late if we're going to be technical about it) and dared to tell me that it doesn't take that long to take pictures.

*exasperated sigh*

Thank goodness I had everything set up! The back drop was set, the lighting was good, I cleaned the white chair so that it actually looks white. We were ready!

I made up a plate of chicken, mashed potatoes and basil pasta for The Baby. (Leftovers from our company Christmas party this past Friday.) I cut up her chicken and stuck it in the microwave. I already knew The Guy would be hungry and was already making his plate when I asked him if he was. (He got the last of the left overs.)

FINALLY...

Both plates were clean, it's time to get The Baby dressed for what promised to be an exhausting ordeal.

The guy dressed her, tights and all, all by himself. I was quite impressed!

We set her up on the chair. I got the camera out, ready to start snapping...

WHAT?!?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BATTERY IS DEAD?!?!

I took the battery out and stuck it on the charger . I was going to give it about 15 minutes and I hoped that would be long enough to get a few good shots before it died again. Then I figured we could charge it again while we changed her into the second dress! Perfect!

To keep her entertained while we waited for the battery to charge, we both started snapping pictures with our phones. If only my phone had better than a 2mp camera on it, I swear some of those pictures turned out really cute!

Of course, she used most of her cute poses on the camera phones and by the time we got the regular camera back out, it was all silliness!

She grabbed a TY lamb off the bed and I let her use it in the pictures. Good thinking Baby! A Prop! Too bad her next choice was a rock that she had brought in from the driveway last week....

Well, the battery charging plan worked just as I had hoped and we got some good pictures. By about 8:30, somebody was getting cranky so we had to stop. I think we wore her out good because she went down for bedtime really easily. Thank Goodness!

Finally!

I've been wanting to get this done for YEARS!! I finally just decided that today was the day!

Merry Early Christmas to Me!

Do you Woot?

http://www.woot.com/

http://www.woot.com/WhatIsWoot.aspx


Basically, woot.com is a website that puts up a new 'Deal A Day' everyday. Usually a pretty good deal, or so I'm told. Plus shipping is only $5 for anything. (The writers pull out some pretty funny stuff in the descriptions as well, so if you don't go for the 'stuff', you'll at least get a kick out of that!)

Periodically, they will have a 'Woot Off' where they put up something until it is sold out. Don't worry, though, they usually put things up multiple times throughout the ordeal, which could last anywhere from 24 - 72 hours. A 'Woot Off' can be identified by the orange flashing lights on the main page.

At some point during a 'Woot Off', Woot will offer up a coveted 'Bag of Crap'. A BoC is sold for only $1 and could contain any number of things (it is defined as 3 different things, but that is not always the case). Anything that they have not been able to sell or don't think are worth selling, you'll have to ask them, I guess. I hear someone actually got one of those spiffy, cool, roaming robot vacuums in her $1 BoC!

I should also mention at this point that these BoCs are coveted so because it is a task to get one. Once it comes up in a Woot Off, you better believe every person watching woot.com is going to be clicking the 'I want one!' button, which, in turn, is hard on the system. Servers crashing left and right I'm sure. I have successfully obtained two BoCs during the past two Woot Offs. It has not come up yet for this one.

Well, to make a point of this description, I have a story to go with:

During the last 'Woot Off', I obtained a BoC.

For my $6.50 ($1BoC+$5shipping+$.50tax cause I live in the same state), I received the following.


Words cannot adequately convey how hard I laughed when I opened this:

Each small box contains a life size, life like, ceramic pack of doublemint gum and one miniature ceramic piece of doublemint gum.

Each pack contains 3 small boxes.

The case contains 24 packs.

That's right, I am now the 'proud' owner of 72 ceramic packs of Doublemint Gum.

Sweet! er... Minty!

Guess I've got Christmas covered, huh?

* I noticed I am getting some hits from real wooters (I'm really only a whenever-I-remember kind of wooter) *waves* Thanks Gretchen! - Please feel free to add to or correct my woot.com description if you feel it is inadequate!

"I'm a little Teapot..."

"I'm a little Teapot,

Short and Stout.

Here is my handle,

and here is my Spout.

When I get all steamed up,

Hear me shout!

Then tip me over

and pour me out!"

Sometimes I wish I could be like that. When I would get real steamed up and dangerously mad, I could just lean a little to the left. The steam would escape, taking with it the red I was seeing, the fogginess it was creating in my brain and The headache that was forming prom the stress the pressure was putting on my brain.

I would be able to think clearly and rationally about whatever it was that was making me mad. I would be able to understand the consequences of the violence I was considering. I would be able to calmly state my feelings without a passive aggressive undertone.

The only maybe not so sweet part is that people would be able to tell when I was pissed. They would start running when they hear me walking down the hall whistling 'Dixie'. The dogs would never come inside and there would be mold everywhere! Not to mention what would happen if I didn't lean to the left! Well, at least I wouldn't have to clean up that mess, right?

And what guy would want to be with a girl who is always leaning, anyways? Having water and steam coming out of your left ear (or would it be my left hand?) is probably not the aesthetic appeal I should be going for, huh?

Okay, on second thought...

I'm okay with being me.

YOU

Make me crazy in the head.

Damn you, Winnie the Pooh...

On Monday, 12.01.08, The Baby went running into the living room. She was excited about something, I had told her to go sit on the couch. What I was going to give her, I can't recall at the moment, but she was excited. (It was probably something food related.)

She said, "Okay!" and scampered off around the corner. I was about a second behind her. Far enough to see, in slow motion, of course, her trip over her ride on Winnie the Pooh toy and tackle the coffee table with her face.

It was already a large lump accompanied by a bruise in the split second it took me to get to her.

I tried to get her to let me hold the ice pack on her forehead, but she wasn't having any of it.

The lump was mostly gone by morning, but the bruise remained diligently.

I ran (no not literally) by the Whole Foods during my lunch break and picked up some arnica gel. It is supposed to aid in the healing of bruises and the like. I chose the gel because it would be absorbed quicker than a cream.

I didn't get a picture of the initial lump, but I took this picture yesterday morning, 12.04.08.



As bad as it looks, it looks a LOT better. You can see that it's mostly green already. Although she now has a black eye to go with the bump. That showed up Wednesday night, I think. Hopefully it is on it's way to disappearing soon, I am hoping to take Christmas pictures by next week! The guy is going to take her to get her hair trimmed this weekend!

My poor Baby!

Damnit...

I locked my keys in my car... :\

I blame you.

It doesn't work like that.

Pretending that nothing happened does not make it go away. I know you got the messages I sent, so there is absolutely NO freaking way you could not have known that I was pissed.

Kudos for calling back when you said you would. Negative kudos for not answering or calling back when we got disconnected.

Looks like you are back to square one.

_ _ _


When I give you a time when I could possibly bring The Baby to see you because I will be in the area, not getting back to me until 20 minutes before the time I gave you is not going to work. Especially when you say we can only visit only for 30 minutes or so. Don't give me stipulations when I'm doing you a favor.

Telling me it's good that I told you nevermind because you're about to pass out makes me wonder what you thought this visit would be like. Why would I want to bring her to see you only to have you so exhausted that you are about to fall asleep? Where is the sense in that?

Think about it.

Oh wait, that's right - you don't do that.

My bad, I forgot.

xoxo
Me.

I apologize in advance for my inevitable profanity...

Let me get this straight...

You tell me what I want to hear only to do whatever the fuck you want to do anyways?
I tell you your daughter has been asking, no, telling me that she is going to see her daddy and she's going to go over to her daddy's house today, every day, for the past FOUR days and you don't even TRY to come see her?

Then, when I finally do ask you to come over, you give me some lame ass excuse. When I tell you I am tired of telling YOUR Daughter that no, she is NOT going to see her daddy today, you say you'll figure something out. Which was obviously a FUCKING LIE.

You didn't think about it, you never think about anything! Then you fucking avoided me. Did not answer your damn phone, did not call me back, did not answer my text messages. You didn't have the fucking BALLS to let me know that you weren't coming. You Fucking coward. You cannot just avoid confrontation and hope it goes away. Grow up and be a man. You have a kid and that fact doesn't change just because you wanna hang out with your friends.

The Baby said she was going to see you that day as well - I didn't answer because I did not know what to say.

Don't worry, though. I know exactly what to say now. "No, honey, we are not going to see your daddy today. If he shows to pick you up on Friday, you will see your daddy. We're not going to let him in the house though. He has worn out his welcome here."

Happy Thanksgiving!

Soon, we will be in the car headed to Copperas Cove. Soon, as in, as soon as our damn clothes are dry! I know; I know. It's my fault for procrastinating. I should have put them in the wash last night or something. I KNOW! There's no changing what's already done. I just have to sit here and wait. Of course, I am not packing anything else. I can't even think about what else we are bringing until I am dressed!

I know, that's kind of pathetic, but just think! Soon I will be dressed and rushing to pack everything I need for an overnight visit in within the span of 15 minutes! It'll be great! I'll frantically go over the list in my head trying not to forget anything, but I can't go straight down the list. It's there, in my head, I can see it, but I just can't read it in an orderly fashion.

I start with the main items. Pillows and blankets, two changes of clothes in case one gets soiled, toiletries such as toothbrushes and toothpaste... WAIT I forgot socks!! What shoes am I going to wear?! I should bring my flip flops just to wear around the house. Did I get socks for The Baby?! Pull-Ups!! Can't forget those!! Should I bring all of the diaper creams and the Vick's in case she starts coughing? Naw, but I know she's going to need it as soon as we get there just because I didn't bring it...

Hmmmm..... I'm hungry, I should bring snacks. No, wait, we're going for Thanksgiving dinner! you can't snack the whole way there! Then you wouldn't be hungry! The Baby will be sleeping so she won't need snacks... Did I grab her blanket?

Then, when we get there, she will have peed in her Pull-Up and I will go to the bag only to realize that I never grabbed her bag with all of her potty training necessities...

Dang.

Ok! Clothes are dry! Off to dress myself and The Baby!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Time for Giving Thanks

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Food, Fun and Family. Some of the best things in life.

The Baby and I will be travelling to Copperas Cove where my cousin is hosting Thanksgiving Dinner this year. It's about a two and a half hour drive. We will attempt to utilize this time in the form of a nap. I invited The Guy to come along in the hopes that I would not have to make the drive alone, but he has already committed to helping make food for his own family. He's a good guy. Mostly.

I've been very angry this week so I'm going to take a little time now to think about what it is that I am Thankful for.

• My beautiful Baby.
• The fact that her father is who he is. I wouldn't change that for the world.
• My dad. I don't know where we'd be if it weren't for him.
• My Mommy. I would be lost if I couldn't talk to her. She makes me think about how I'm handling these situations. She always has a new way to look at something.
• My job. Without the raise I got this year, I would be having a hard time doing Christmas this year.
• My Baby's wonderfully active imagination.
• My friends - IRL and online - You are all wonderful.
• Calls and messages from my friends who have moved away. I miss you all, too!
• That I know for certain that I have the strength to handle any situation that is thrown at me and if I should ever forget, that I have good friends who have got my back.
• My Brother. Even though we never talk and I know nothing of what is going on with you, I am glad that you are my brother and I Love You.
• That The Baby's clothes that are too small will be going to close friends who can make good use of them.
• I have a working sewing machine and aspirations of a baby blanket - and a little blue Dolly!
• Being able to help friends in need.
• That I am able to have a good time despite unwelcome and unwanted events.

• The feeling of happiness that all these things bring.

• Did I mention My Baby?

What are you Thankful for?

Excerpts from my living room...

*slurp slurp*
"Dog." *smack*
*pause* *confused look* *slurp slurp*
"DOG!" *smack*
*gets up and moves away*
"Why you smacking my dog?"
"He's licking his butt!"
"It's his house; I'm sure if you wanted to lick your butt, he wouldn't object."
*slurp slurp*
"In fact, I bet he'd help!"
*pillow flying across room*

P.S.

Did I mention he left a bruise on my neck?

Did I mention that I relayed the important parts of this story to The Guy? His response: "Oh, that sucks."

Whatever, I'm over it.

The DRUNK

Date and Time: Saturday, 11.22.08 - late
Scene: The minuscule dance floor of Sherlock's Baker St. Pub, Live band (The Max) on stage
Cast: The Momma (myself), The Girlfriend, Guy Friend #1, Guy Friend #2, Girlfriend #2, and DRUNK(Friend of a friend of The Girlfriend - not there with us)

Our happy little group was out on the dance floor, rockin' out, having a good time. DRUNK appears, I only notice him because he is standing on my foot and either doesn't notice or doesn't care enough to move. I can tell he is piss drunk and dismiss him from the back of my mind. He does not, however, dismiss me. He finally notices me and is immediately drawn to my bare shoulders. He begins a quite intense massage.

Okay. This is actually really nice. Something I've needed for a while. I'm enjoying it. Wait a minute! Is he biting my shoulders?!? We're in the middle of a bar, aren't we? This is not acceptable! No, no, no! Me moving your hands away from my chest is not an invitation for you to try groping my lower half! He is now whispering in my ear, "You're so Hot. I love you. I love you cause you're so hot."

Is there an appropriate response to that? I'm sure there is, but I can't think straight. He thinks I can't hear him, so he moves into my line of sight and tries sign language. Points to himself, creates the image of a heart with his hands and then points to me. ... ... ...

The Girlfriend looks over and sees my look of panic. She is concerned. Thumbs up or thumbs down?! I try to tell her without letting DRUNK in on what I am doing. She doesn't understand. I finally have to move him so that I can give her a big, fat thumb DOWN behind his back. She grabs my hand and pulls me into the crowd.

He follows.

The Girlfriend rushes off to get help.

Guy Friend #1 asks if I'm alright. I push between him and Girlfriend #2, put my arm around him in hopes that DRUNK will take the hint. I breathe a small sigh of relief, feeling safer in the crowd and tell him, "I am now." I bet you already know what happens now, don't you? Yeah, he tries to push through to get to me again. Guy Friend #2 steps in.

DRUNK pushes Guy Friend #2 and proceeds to fall backwards onto his drunk ass from the force of the recoil. I do not notice any of this. I am trying to pretend that this DRUNK doesn't exist. I don't even turn around until Guy Friend #2 comes back and says that he got rid of him. In my happiness, I throw my arms around him, giving him a big hug and say "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Moments later, The Girlfriend rushes in asking where he is. We all point in the same direction. DRUNK is still falling over himself at the corner of the dance floor. She gets behind him and uses both hands to point at him. Using large hand gestures so that there would be no doubt as to who she was indicating.

A Bouncer escorts him off the premises and he is arrested. Probably for public intoxication.

That was my impromptu night out. Good thing I had only had two drinks. I certainly didn't have any more.

_ _ _

I think it sounds worse than it was. It wasn't like he was this big, burly man beast. Just a tall, skinny kid who didn't know his limit. Had it come down to it, I probably could have beat him. It wouldn't have been too hard, considering his state of intoxication.

*sigh*

I'm going to start a new trend on the bar scene - potato sacks.

It's done.

It's been over a year since the Southern Comfort Incident. I feel silly admitting this, but that shot glass has been sitting in the same cabinet this whole time. That's right. It's been sitting there, sticky and coated with the stench of alcohol for the past year and then some. I have not been able to bring myself to even touch it, let alone clean it!

Well, today, I convinced myself that it was time. Time to clean that damn shot glass and get it out of the back of my mind. As usual, it slipped my mind until I was getting ready to hit the bed. I debated waiting until tomorrow. I went back and forth with myself, all the while knowing that if I put it off any longer, it wouldn't get done.

So I opened the cabinet. It's not there.

Wait, there isn't anywhere it could have gone! I moved some bottles around. Ah, there it is. As soon as I picked it up, He called.

A Miracle!

I know I've said it before, but that N.E.V.E.R. happens!

We talked for a few minutes, I told him how well The Baby went down for bedtime and how she is still pooping in two potties in one session (this particular session occurred at my church.), and how we are going to be having visitors at work for the next two days so I'm going to have to wear my emblem embroidered shirt both days. It was a nice little conversation that ended with him saying he thinks his phone is dying. Not the perfect ending, but not a bad one either!

I hung up the phone and smiled all the way to the kitchen. I opened up a new package of sponges, turned on only the hot water and I washed that little shot glass within an inch of it's life. Inside and out, all round over and over until I was certain that there could not possibly be any more whiskey. I then set that damn shot glass on my nightstand, right next to my bed, so that I will never forget the steps we have taken to get here.

It's amazing how something so small can feel so liberating.

I felt like I was washing away all the bad memories we had accumulated. Like now we could have a fresh start no matter what the outcome of our talk that will happen by Sunday night at the latest. Whether he tells me he's ready and knows what he wants or he has no idea what he wants and doesn't want to complicate things, I am ready.

Our friendship, our relationship, our parental partnership has a brand new, squeaky clean cover.

And it makes me smile.

Damn fine... *ahem* 'Fine damnit'

He did not call back last night. That's okay, he has that reputation for not calling that he needs to keep up, right? I called him this morning and again a little while ago. He didn't pick up either time and I didn't leave a message. I don't like leaving messages. Voicemail makes my voice sound weird, although he assures me that I really do sound like that. I always thought my voice was deeper than that...
Anyways...

I just talked to him, he profusely assured me he is fine. He rear ended somebody. He told me it was Big Truck (him) vs. little car (them).

I told him I wanted to see him after work but he said he wasn't sure whether he would be there because he had to take something over to his grandparents. Which prompted me to remind him that I work 5 minutes from his grandparents' house. Hopefully he will take that into consideration so that I can have visual confirmation to go with his assurances that he is fine.

I knew...

It had been 45 minutes since I called him. He said he would be leaving soon. He should have been here by then, but he wasn't.

I called him.

He didn't answer.

I called again.

He didn't answer.

I started to worry. There was no reason he would be over an hour late without having called. Well, no reason I could think of unless... the phone rang. I rushed to answer it.

"Where are you?"
"I... I've been in a car wreck."
"What?!? Where?!? Where are you?!?"
"I'm...I'm over here by the house, it happened a while ago..."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I had to talk to the police and..."
"Are You OKAY?!?!"
"Yes! Yes, I'm alright, I just need to go talk to my dad about all this so I'll have to come over another night I guess..."
"okay... Will you call me later, then?"
"Yes, I will call you later."

My fears affirmed. All I know is that he says he is okay. Was he rushing to get here? Was he anxious about our upcoming talk? So much so that he wasn't paying close enough attention? Was he rear ended? Did he rear end someone else? Is the truck safe to drive, now?

I want to drop everything and go over there and take care of him, but that's just not logical. Who knows if that is even what he would want? I certainly don't know. That's kinda what we were supposed to talk about tonight...

I think I am more upset knowing than I was wondering...

Thank you, my Dear.

My Dear Facebook,

Thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU! I had no idea you were reading!

Love,
Me

Love, Me.

Dear The Baby,

I am sorry you are not feeling well, but The Momma needs you to nap so that she can take a much needed shower.

Love,
Me

_ _ _

Dear Facebook,

Stop making so many damned changes!

First, you change formats completely so that I have no idea how to do anything anymore and I don't have the time to figure things out.

Second, you stop pulling in my blog entries so that I had to re-add my blog. Which then pulled in ALL of my past blog entries, duplicating all the ones from the past year, causing me to go through and delete the ones that were already there, along with the comments that I wanted to keep.

Next, you stop e-mailing me when I get new messages so that I miss important messages. You are one of the reasons I was not able to connect with my favorite guy friend this weekend.

NOW, you can't even keep my login information for more than two seconds. Having to login every time I try to change pages is QUITE annoying and my Facebook productivity is severely limited.

Please look into these problems immediately. Also, I need some brownies. No nut's please.

Love,
Me.

_ _ _

Dear Headache,

I know you and your family have been hanging around in my head for months now. I know, I know you've already got the place just the way you like it. Wall papered, painted and decorated as it should be, but please, PLEASE go play somewhere else.

I hear the dogs brain is quite roomy. Maybe you can get her to stop acting like a spaz...

Love,
Me.

_ _ _

Dear Disney Co.

Thank you.

Love,
Me.

_ _ _

Dear Bathtub,

I'm on my way.

Love,
Me.

I'm having a drink...

and going to bed.

Sometimes I get sad...

when I hear about people I went to high school with getting married and starting new adventures with someone they are completely in love with.

Sometimes I think that that is what I really want.

Then I remember how happy I am with my sweet baby girl and how I wouldn't have it any other way.

*sigh*

All I really want is the cake...

Thursday.

Today is Thursday.

We have a standing playdate invitation with My Best Mommy Friend and her daughter, The Baby's Best Friend, for every Thursday that the timing is right. We go over to My Best Mommy Friend and The Baby's Best Friend's for dinner and playtime. It's lots of fun!

Today, however, was just one of those days. You know the days I'm talking about. The one where everything goes wrong? Yeah, it was one of those days for My Best Mommy Friend, too.

I offered to run by the store on the way to her place. It takes about as long to get to her place as it does to get to mine. On a good day, I can leave work around 5 and get home by 6. My Best Mommy Friend called me on my cell phone at 5:30 to see whether it would be easier for me to go by the store or her. I was still at work. She went to the store.

I finally left work around 6. It was already dark and I nearly missed my turn for the daycare because I had never gone there after dark before.

I decided against taking the highway to get to My Best Mommy Friend's. So, we're on a residential street turning on to a slightly busier street with a green arrow. I felt something on my hand. Since it was already dark and I couldn't see and didn't want to look down as I was about to turn, I lifted my hand towards my face. What do you think I found?

A Spider.

I freaked, swatted it and lost it. The car swerved and The Baby squealed. "The car scare' me Momma!"

At the next red light, I unbuckled my seat belt, turned on the over head light and looked for it. I couldn't find it anywhere. What a nice way to start my 30 minute trip across town.

A few minutes later, The Baby began to sing 'The Itsy, Bitsy Spider.' It took all I had not to giggle hysterically at the irony.

_ _ _

We made it to My Best Mommy Friend's without any further 'surprises'. She had already started dinner, chicken Parmesan using make-shift bowls and cookie sheets made out of tin foil to go in the oven. (She hasn't lived there long and has not had a chance to acquire a full set of pots and pans.)

The chicken she bought turned out to be thicker than she wanted and the crust was nearly burnt by the time the chicken was cooked all the way through. I think it turned out really well. She was able to cut smaller pieces for the girls so that theirs weren't burnt.

By the time dinner was ready, My Best Mommy Friend had already spilled water on her pants, burnt her hand on a pan and splattered tomato sauce on the floor. It was an interesting ordeal.

We got the girls' food together and set them down at the table. At one point The Baby decided that she wanted to sit on the floor and eat her food our of her chair. Then The Baby's Best Friend wanted to do the same. Which resulted in The Baby's Best Friend plate being knocked to the floor and splattered all over the carpet. I quickly fed The Baby the rest of her dinner and we stuck the girls in the bath.

With both My Best Mommy Friend and myself exhausted, we read them a bedtime story and The Baby's Best Friend went to bed. Well, that would be the simple way to say it. Actually she avoided going to bed and made everything leading up to lying down to go to sleep long and drawn out. I'm pretty sure she was still awake when we took our leave.

When we got home, I had The Baby go potty (I am proud to say I have not changed a poopy diaper in weeks), brush her teeth, put on her jammies and give her PaPa a hug night night. We then snuggled for a night time story and some sleepy time songs. She laid down and has not been up since.

I should have gone to sleep long since.

Excerpts from Texas Renaissance Festival - Vol. 2

We eventually went our separate ways. My group back out on the road towards camp, The boys on their way back home. At least Musketeer #2 was able to convince his parents to meet him halfway so they didn't get to the camp too terribly late.

Our group stopped at a convenience store to pick up some alcoholic beverages. It was a little strange for me, I mean, we don't get that kind of convenience in my area! By alcoholic beverages, I, of course, mean beer for Musketeer #1 and Smirnoff Ice for me. I don't do beer. In any shape or form. You can try to make it fruity and call it something special, but I will know. People tell me, 'But you can't even taste the beer! It just tastes like apples!'

Wrong.

It tastes like beer flavored apples.

I'm like that though. If I don't like something, I can usually pinpoint what is in it that I don't like. So don't try sneaking any ginger into my food. You will have a plate thrown at your head. Okay, I'm not that mean, but I assure you, I won't eat it.

/detour

Back to the story at hand.

We got to the campgrounds only to have the guys at the gate tell us that we needed to have our tickets. Well, our tickets were on their way back to Dallas... oops. They let us in with a warning. We drove in and grabbed the first clear area we found so as to make it a little easier for the guys to find us when they finally arrived.

Musketeer #1 quickly set to putting up the tents. It was freezing. Well, freezing for a native Texan... I mean, I could SEE my breath! Of course, I didn't bring my heavy coat. I did bring my heavy, zip-up hoodie, though! By the time we were sitting down with our 'beverages', I was wearing 4 shirts and was still cold. (My original shirt, my hoodie, the long sleeved shirt I brought to sleep in, and the extra hoodie that Musketeer #1 brought, just in case) I was quite a sight to see, I'll bet. I kept joking that we should be going to make friends with the group down the road with a big campfire. Ha!

We had two tents. One large, three person tent and one smaller two person tent. I had the pleasure of 'rooming' with the two Musketeers that I had only just met a few hours before back at the Love's. I had my area all set up by the time the boys got there. My sleeping bag, pillow and multiple blankets. One Musketeer opened the tent and said, "Well, I guess we know where somebody is sleeping!"

We were all very happy to see the last of our party show up. They had the extra chairs and the 'heating element'. It was nice to get my lap back and be able to warm it back up by the fire.

From what I understand of the heating element, you put paper underneath, add chips in the top and light the paper. It has two levels and kind of looks like a big metal mug. Musketeer #3 thought it was more like a mug than it was and thought it would be funny to walk around with a big mug of fire, kind of like a torch.

He was quite surprised when he picked it up and a bunch of flaming paper fell out of the bottom! He put it back in it's place pretty quickly and no harm was done.

We sat and talked around the 'Camp Mug' until it started dying and we decided to finish setting up our respective sleeping areas and bed down for the night. We were apparently planning on being up at 8.

I, of course, was up at 6 to utilize the PortAPotty.

*Gag*

TBC

The Universal Sign of 'Good Job!'

I had just turned onto the residential street that leads to the street that The Baby's Daycare provider resides. There was a car in front of me (car #1). He passes the street I am about to turn on. I see a car (car #2) coming up the next street about to make a left turn in front of the car in front of me. For a split second I thought about trying to turn left onto the street I needed to be on; perhaps I could make it before this other car(car #2) got in the way. I decided against it.

This turned out to be a very good decision. In his haste to turn left in front of the car #1, car #2 fishtailed onto the street I was on and proceeded to speed off. Again, this was a residential street. I have no patience for people who have no regard for other's safety, especially when they are leaving the vicinity of elementary school.

I gave him two thumbs up!

He gave me a dirty look...

Far From The Great Valley...

Apparently, there are Dinosaurs roaming through my car. Their favorite places to rest are on MY hand and on The Baby's Carseat. I blew them off my hand, then they were in the other car, then they were back in my car on The Baby's carseat.

After I picked her up from daycare yesterday, she kept saying, "The dinosaurs scarin' me momma." So I told her to tell them, "No, NO dinosaurs! That's not nice! Don't scare The Baby! Love The Baby!"

This morning, the dinosaurs were back. I heard , "NoNO dinosaurs! That not NICE! *whoosh* I blew them off my carseat!" the whole ride to daycare.

I'm a Bum.

Yep. I didn't get a chance to talk to The Guy about our current situation before I left for the weekend. I told myself I would take advantage of our time together on Sunday, but, alas, I did not. I am selfish. I was tired and burnt out from the weekend and did not want to have to think about it. So we hung out for a bit after I put The Baby to bed and we didn't talk about it.

He has no idea. He has shown me nothing except that he is still fully a guy and will do what he wants and just hope that there are no repercussions. I have invited him to come hang out sometime this week, but I haven't heard back. I told him tonight of Friday would be best so I assume he is waiting to see how his work goes today to see if maybe he can make it over tonight.

*sigh*

Oh, well.

I did mention to him last night that his mom is going to start wondering why he is spending so much time over here. I need to make a list of things we need to talk about. Trust me, he will not be surprised to see me pull out a list. He might chuckle, but he will not be surprised. That is a good thing.

So, The Plan:
If he does come over, we will talk. If he can't, I will resort to e-mail. He never answers the phone so that route would be futile...

Gah, looking at the situation objectively sure puts me in the 'Crazy for Even Trying' spotlight, doesn't it? Oh, well.

Excerpts from Texas Renaissance Festival - Vol. 1

We had been on the road for an hour and a half when My Best Mommy Friend calls to tell me that we are pulling over to wait for Musketeers #2 and #3 to catch up so that we can get the tents out of the car they are driving. Apparently, Musketeer #2 has forgotten his boots and needs to go back for them. Woo.

We stop at a Love's and catch a much appreciated bathroom break. The guys we were waiting on had apparently told Musketeer #1 (My Best Mommy Friend's BF) that it didn't matter that they left late because they would still get there first. Their reasoning? That he was with two girls and girls always have to stop for multiple potty breaks. Pfft!

We decided we weren't going to stop for a potty break until we were at least 3/4ths of the way there. This was of course decided after I had refilled my soda at the KF/Taco/Hut before we headed out. I was secretly ecstatic we were stopping.

We waited about 20 minutes for the guys to show up. While we were waiting, My Very Best Mommy Friend and I scoured my car to find my little card holder that houses my Driver's License and bank card. I had had to stop short a few times through traffic and it had gotten lodged up underneath my glove compartment.

When they finally got to the Love's, Musketeer # 3 went inside to the Burger King part of the Love's and waited 20 more minutes for a couple burgers and some fries. Special. He met us all back out at the cars and we talked and joked for a while longer.

I finally exchanged names with him and proceeded to steal some fries from his BK bag. I told him, "I thought I'd introduce myself before I stuck my hand in your bag..."

Musketeer #2 laughed and repeated my sentence with a slightly perverted twist:

"I thought I'd introduce myself before I stuck my hand down your sac!"

Ah, how did I know, how did I know?

There was much laughing.

YAY!!

According to the ticker I use to track The Baby's age (for other's not for me), The Baby is 2 years, 2 months, 2 weeks and 2 days old today!

How fun is that to say!?!

Time for Optimism, oh how I've missed you...

I have decided to give in to The Benefit of the Doubt. He txted me at 6:30 saying he wouldn't be able to make it to the movie and that he would see me tomorrow. Okay.

I'm not going to get upset. He is not purposefully waiting until the last minute just to make me mad. He is not trying to be a dipshit.

I'm going to go with the idea that he was really trying. Trying to make it on time and finally gave in. He has to cut off early tomorrow to meet me, I'm going to assume he had a lot to do today.

Tomorrow, though. I am going to tell him that he has the weekend to think about what he wants. Anything we do, has a directly affects The Baby, now. I'm going to tell him he needs to decide whether or not he is serious about wanting to do this or not.

I will not be led on by someone who is wearing a blindfold to what the future holds.

Think of me this weekend....

For I will be camping and cannot be sure whether I will make it back alive.

Okay, okay, so maybe that's a little overdramatic... but after the last camping fiasco, you really can't blame me. I know, I know, you probably have no idea what I am talking about, let just say it was the middle of summer, and I didn't bring the right arsenal.

I ended up sitting in a fetal position for the last half of the trip. Eyes wide open and shifting from one spot to the next, lashing out at what were morre than likely figments of my imagination.

I came home with 80 insect bites on one thigh alone. I think that was the smallest amount for an area of that size... I have not been camping sense. My luck, I'll come back paranoid AND schizophrenic!

"What was that?!"
"I don't know. Why are you asking me?"
"Cause I thought you might know something."
"Well, I don't, I know as much as you and nothing more."
"What was that?!?"
"I don't know! Now, shut up!"

Anyways...

I am off to The Texas Renaissance Festival this weekend. It runs every weekend from Oct. 11th - Nov. 30th. I have a 'Friend' who is going EVERY weekend. I was talking with My Best Mommy Friend and told her about him and she told me that her Boyfriend is actually dragging her to the very same place as my 'Friend'! So I'm going to follow them out there tomorrow evening and leave midday Sunday to get back for The Baby.

I have not told my 'Friend' that I will be there. I don't plan on telling him. I saw him earlier this week and asked him about it, what there was to do and such. We talked for a bit, I said it sounds like fun and then said, "Well, I'd better get this letter in the mail. It was good to see you," and left.

I think this will be fun even if I don't run into him. I've been contemplating getting a black wig so as to be even more incognito, but perhaps that would be a little over the top...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

We're going to a movie tonight. A sneak preview of 'Bolt' at the Studio Movie Grill. I'm excited! I invited The Guy, he doesn't seem to be too enthusiastic. I could just be making things up though, since the only way he will talk to me is through txt messaging or in person. Even then, we don't do much talking. I seem to always carry the conversation. I mean, if I didn't say anything, there would just always be this awkward silence and nothing would ever be accomplished!

I have asked him numerous time to give me an answer as to whether or not he will be there. While I appreciate that he doesn't want to tell me know and make me upset, it seems that he does not realize that the repercussions of him NOT telling me and then just not showing up are greater than what he would get if he just told me. Since his mode of communication of choice is txt messaging, he wouldn't even get what he's afraid of. It's a little harder to get that "I'm upset but I'm not going to say so" tone into a txt message.

I'm sure he could infer the tone from the suddenly curtailed messages he would get afterwards, but that's something he could just completely ignore cause he knows I'll forget by the next time I see him, right?

I once had a friend tell me that it doesn't matter whether he makes me mad or not because he could just show me something shiny and I would forget completely.

"You're mad? WHAT'S THAT?!? A PIECE OF FOIL!! LOOK!! SHINY!!"

*phbblltttt*

Okay, whatever. It's not a big deal; it's just a kids movie. I'll get over it.

I'm out. Thanks for reading!

She knows what she wants...

So last night, I was over near The Guy's house and he came over. Everyone left and we ended up at the car. I handed her a toy before we put her in her carseat. Pablo the Penguin and his Singing and Talking Dunebuggy. She dropped Pablo.

Me: "Oh no! Is Pablo hurt?"
The Baby: "Pablo's got owie! Kiss IT!"
Me: "Kiss it? Oh dear, where does it hurt Pablo?"
The Baby: "His hand hurt, kiss his hand!"
Me: "His Hand? okay, I'll kiss his hand." *kiss*
The Baby: "Kiss his head! His head hurt!"
Me: "Okay, poor Pablo!" *kiss*

*pause*

The Baby: "He hurt his Butt. Kiss his Butt, Mommy! Kiss his Butt!"
The Guy: *barely stifled laughter*
Me: *stifling laughter* "No, honey, I am not going to kiss Pablo's butt. I'm sorry." *snort*
The Baby: "No, Mommy! Kiss his BUTT!"
The Guy: *fully laughing now, not even trying to stifle*
Me: "Let's get in your carseat, honey..." *face red from trying not to laugh*

So we get her in her carseat and she's playing with her toy and I'm talking to The Guy about what we're doing on Friday since I'm going out of town. I'm supposed to meet up and be ready to go at 5:30. He normally picks her up at my house (across town) at 6.

So we're talking and still laughing. The Baby is jabbering to herself. She calls for me and I tell her I love her. She replies with her normal, "I love ChooToo!" without even looking at me. The Guy laughs and tells me that it sounded like she said she loves shoes. "I love you!" "I love shoes!" HA! - yeah, I smacked him.

So we started talking again when we hear from the car:

"Get inna car, Mommy. Mommy? Get inna car. BYE BYE DADDY. Get inna CAR Momma! Get in your car Daddy! Bye Bye Daddy!"

My Baby loves me, yes she does.

I laughed SO hard the whole way home!

I'm not sure what to think...

October seems to have been a busy month here. So many activities to go to and we have actually been hanging out all together like a real little family. We've only made it to little more than half of the events we tried to go to. I'll add more to that later. For now, I just want to say how strange this feeling is.

The feeling of actually having someone around that I want to have around. Someone who makes me think before I do things. Someone who tries to fix it when things go wrong. Someone who seems to care. Where in the world has this person been for the past year and a half?!?

Will things turn into more than just parental cooperation?

Stay tuned, we will see.

Casey's Obituary

Casey C., 24, was received into the hands of God, Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2008, after a courageous battle with cancer.

Celebration of life: 5 p.m. Saturday at Advent Lutheran Church, Arlington

Casey was born June 18, 1984, in Arlington and had resided there all his life. He was a 2002 graduate of Lamar High School, where he competed on the Viking wrestling team. While in high school, he received the Who's Who Among High School Students award for his achievements with the Lamar A cappella Choir. Casey's close relationship with God led him to participate in "Happening - A Christian Experience" and assist his father with the Kairos Prison Ministry. He was a member of the road crew for Paradigm, a local band, and enjoyed playing competitive billiards with multiple pool leagues in the Mid-Cities area. He will be deeply missed and always be remembered as a free-spirited person who was happiest when surrounded by his family and friends.

Sadness

A good friend of mine and a wonderful person left to be with God on Tuesday October 14th at 10:15 pm. He was only 24, but cancer doesn't really care how old you are, does it?

We will be celebrating his life in the coming weeks. Please pray for his family and his friends that they may find peace during this difficult time. He has touched many lives. He has forever left his mark on my heart, and he will not be forgotten. My only solace is found in the fact that he has made his way home and is no longer in pain.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/caseychrystie

Torn, so very torn.

It's been a good month. I know, I know, I haven't always been able to say nice things about The Guy, but right now, I can't think of anything but nice things.

The month isn't even half over and we've already been to the Cottonwood Art Festival/park (I will be posting some pictures and websites soon), The Texas State Fair and he has just promised to go to three other events with us!

It was the simplest e-mail. I sent him a link to a fall fest event in my town. He replied saying he would go with us and also go to the two other events that we had already talked about. It may be pitch black outside, but I swear my smile just lit up the whole block. I couldn't be happier or more excited!

So excited, and yet, torn at the same time. Hence, the title of this post.

There are times when I think that it might be a good thing to welcome a new romantically inclined relationship with The Guy, but then there is always the 'What If?' factor. What if it doesn't work? What if we wind up hating each other and can't even deign to be civil in one another's presence, even if only for The Baby? What if she hates me because I would be the reason that we hate each other? What if I ruin a budding friendship trying to create my own little happy family?

But then, what if she hates me for never trying? What if it does work? What if we do become that happy family that every little girl wants?

'What If?'

As much as I hate to admit it, I do want to get married and have another baby someday. I know that I am SO not ready for that right now; I don't think I could handle anyone besides myself and The Guy raising The Baby. You see where I am torn? Too scared to move forward, too much to lose going back...

Maybe I am just overly and unusually emotional right now (I get this way sometimes, it's pretty clockwork worthy), but I am happy. Things could get better, things could get worse, but I will do my best to not be the cause of the latter.

I must be tired, I feel like I'm babbling. Goodnight, I have to go change my sheets where The Baby peed on my bed this morning...

It's that Time again!! Freaky Fried Fair Food!

Yep, that's right, We are headed to the fair tomorrow for our annual picture with Big Tex (Let's hope he'sfeeling photogenic!). Which reminds me, I need to wash more clothes tonight!

Here is a list of some of the delightful, deep fried delicacies you might find this year:

The State Fair of TEXAS!!
in all of it's deep fried glory!

Chicken Fried Bacon – Thick and peppery Farm Pac® bacon is seasoned, double-dipped in a special batter and breading and deep-fried. Served with a creamy side of ranch or honey mustard sauce. Winner of Best Taste in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Fried Banana Split – A mixture of banana and honey peanut butter is rolled in balls, battered and deep-fried and topped with assorted, delicious fixings, including powdered sugar, caramel and chocolate syrups, chopped peanuts, whipped cream and banana split flavored ice cream bites then fittingly crowned with the traditional cherry. Winner of Most Creative in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Fernie’s All-American Fried Grilled Cheese Sandwich – An American classic with a State Fair twist. Two slices of white bread filled with a blend of American and cheddar cheeses, dipped in an egg and milk batter and lightly coated with panko bread crumbs for extra crispness. Served with a side of shoestring potato sticks, a pickle spear and tomato soup dipping sauce. The All American Meal! Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Texas Fried Jelly Belly Beans – Jelly Belly Beans are rolled in funnel cake batter and fried to a crunch. People can share the treat with friends and try to guess the flavors before biting down. Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Deep Fried S’mores – Marshmallow cream and chocolate chips are sandwiched between two graham crackers, dipped in a feather-light batter and fried to a golden brown. The campfire-inspired treats are dusted in powdered sugar. Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Fire & Ice – A pineapple ring is battered and deep-fried, then topped with banana-flavored whipped cream that’s been frozen in liquid nitrogen. The smoking concoction is ladled with strawberries and syrup. Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Fried Chocolate Truffles – A silky-smooth, handmade, dark chocolate truffle is rolled in cocoa powder before being battered and deep-fried. The melting chocolate goodness is dusted in cinnamon, sugar and cocoa powder. Finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards competition.

Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Waffle Balls – Plump fresh strawberries covered in a thick chocolate shell are dipped in a sweet, waffle batter and deep-fried. Dusted with powdered sugar and served on a stick.

Fried Pop Rocks Fundae Blast - Ignite your senses with this explosion of Tastes. Fried Ice Cream covered in Hershey’s Syrup and Pop Rocks. Your fuse is a Twizzler rolled in Pop Rocks. While you disarm it, you’ll find an Atomic Fireball inside . . .“Fire in the Bowl”! (Give THAT to the kiddos!)

Fried Dinner Roll – A savory dinner roll lusciously filled with cream cheese and covered with a sweet batter, placed on a stick and deep fried to perfection.

Fried Cake on a Stick – A delicious, chocolate covered white cake filled with strawberry jelly and cream, dipped in sweet batter and deep fried until golden brown and served on a stick!

Green Bean Fries - Fresh Green Beans lightly battered, deep fried, and served with a side of cucumber ranch dressing for dipping!

Texas Bar-B-Que Eggrolls - BW’s Chopped Beef in an eggroll wrap, deep fried to a delicate crispness, and served with BBQ sauce for dipping or ignite your senses further with a splash of Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce.

“Jalapeno” Deep Fried Gorditas - Jalapeno flavored gordita cooked on the grill and then deep fried, stuffed with beef, chicken, or bean & cheese, and finally topped with lettuce, tomato, guacamole, and cheese.

Fried Apple iPie – A warm, delicious crispy fried apple pie with just a hint of cinnamon, is smothered in rich vanilla ice cream and topped with an edible iPod “like” mp3 player and whipped cream. Real working souvenir “ear-bud” earphones complete this tasty iPie experience!
Fried Snowballs – Fresh from the fryer! A lightly battered Snowball (cupcake) dusted with powdered sugar!

Fried Honey Bun – A lightly battered Honey Bun, served fresh from the fryer with a light dusting of powdered sugar!

Deep Fried Apple Bites ­– Fresh cut apples dipped in a homemade batter, deep fried, and then covered with a caramel sauce and cinnamon topping!

Bread Pudding with Rum Sauce – An old favorite returning after several years absence! Warm bread pudding chock full of real butter, cream, and rich cinnamon flavor served with a creamy rum sauce. *Drool*

Mini Chopped BBQ Slider - Sweet, tangy and juicy chopped barbecue beef brisket on a mini bun. Just the right size for a taste of Texas barbecue.

Mini Chicken Fried Steak Slider - A miniature crispy chicken fried steak patty served on a mini bun with a side of cream gravy. A bite size version of "Big Texas Taste".

Dessert Shooters - A 3 oz. serving of rich and decadent desserts. Your choice of three fabulous flavors:
Chocolate Oreo Mousse: a layer of Oreo cookie crumbs, creamy chocolate pudding, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, sprinkled with more Oreos and a cherry on top.
Strawberry Cheesecake: Graham cracker crumbs, classic cheesecake filling, strawberry sauce, whipped cream and more graham cracker crumbs.
Vanilla Caramel Supreme: crushed Vanilla Wafers, creamy vanilla pudding, rich caramel sauce, whipped cream, sprinkled with more Vanilla Wafers and a cherry on top.

Jalapeno Tamaritto – Ignite your taste buds with two Pedro’s Tamales wrapped in a warm flour tortilla, topped with chili, cheese, and Pedro’s spicy Jalapeno relish!

Ignited Moon Pie­ - The Original Moon Pie, lightly battered and deep fried, then gently sprinkled with powdered sugar!

Fruit Bag Drinks ­– Fruit, juice and ice combined in a clear bag with a straw for slow sipping. Savor the flavor of the juice and then eat the fruit!

Beefy Fried Queso Bites ­– Queso mixed with taco meat, breaded in a zesty batter and deep fried.

Chick-a-Mole Bites – Guacamole mixed with a taco-flavor shredded chicken and cheddar/Monterey jack cheese, breaded in a zesty batter and deep fried.

and Last but not Least:

Crispy Fried Cantaloupe Pie – Diced cantaloupe seasoned with brown sugar, cinnamon and coconut milk, rolled in a flaky pie pastry, and then deep fried. Topped with powdered sugar and whip cream.

Now, I know, reading some of these descriptions might make you feel like throwing up in your mouth, (like the bacon - gag) You have to admit that those dessert shooters sound heavenly. To be honest, after reading about the bread pudding, I was not surprised to find my socks wet from the drool that had pooled in my shoes. I mean, c'mon! You get souvenir ear bid with the Fried Apple iPie! Who could resist that?!

ref: http://www.bigtex.com/

The Spider

There I was, in my car, leaving the ranch. He opens the gate so that I can pull through and comes up to the window for one last kiss goodbye.

As he is giving me directions on how to get home, a small green spider comes down from the tree above him and lands on my shirt sleeve. My eyes get wide and I stop listening to anything he is saying.

*slightly high pitched with just a tinge of panic* "It's a spider, and it's on my shirt...!"

He goes to grab it. It jumps into my lap and disappears onto the seat between my legs.

He can't see it. "Where'd it go?"

*a little more high pitched and practically full panic mode* "I DON'T KNOW!!"
(as I unbuckle my seat belt and frantically remove myself from danger and into the passenger seat)

"You're still in gear!! Put it in park; put it in PARK!!"

He sees the spider now and tries to catch it with his bare hands, failing each time. He finally asks for a piece of paper. After a minute or so of trying to persuade the spider that it, in fact, would be a good idea for it to actually walk on to the paper instead of away from it, the spider complies.

He removes the spider from my car and places him back into the tree where he belongs.

I slide back into my seat and rebuckle my seat belt, completely embarrassed.

He is my hero.

A conversation with The Baby

Me : The Baby

I love you...
Thank you.

I love you...
Thank you.

I love you...
I love you, too!
Thank you!
You're welcome!

I love you!
I love you, too.

:pause:

I love you, too, too!!

It's time I came clean...

I broke up with a guy who called himself my boyfriend a couple weeks ago.

Coincidentally, he shares his name with The Guy, so we shall now refer to him as The Old Guy. Now, this name may be extrememly hilarious to those of you who knew anything about The Old Guy, but I assure you, the name has nothing to do with the fact that he is 15 years older than me. What can I say? I have an eye for older men. I tend to steer clear of younger guys, just as a general rule, so I guess, in the back of my twisted mind, the opposite of a younger guy is a much older one... but his name merely has to do with the status of the relationship between him and myself. Old.

Anyways, we had been semi-dating for three months. He turned out to be everything that I don't need right now.

Here's a little backstory:

I met him back in November of '05. Basically a week after I got pregnant. I was in a play at the time, he came to see it and we double dated with another girl in the cast afterwards. He came up the next day as well with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for me. Only thing was, I had another friend coming to see me that night. (The one from a few posts back that I won't be speaking to anytime soon...) So, The Old Guy traveled for work and I'm an 'Out of Sight, Out of Mind' kind of girl, so we just kinda fizzled out. I did feel it was really that big of a deal, but apparently it hurt him really badly. He deleted me from his inbox and I started dating the other guy.

Well, back in May, I was going through my old e-mails, looking for something specific when I found an e-mail he had sent back in '05. He's a nice guy, has a great sense of humor and I started to wonder why I hadn't talked to him in so long. So I sent him an e-mail:

Hi The Old Guy,

I came across an old e-mail from you today, one of the first, if I am not mistaken. It made me smile. Hope you are well. Would love to get together sometime. Maybe catch up a little bit. It would be nice to see you.

~Me~

We went out to lunch, it was fun, we had a few dates, a few dates turned into going out as regularly as possible and eventually he met The Baby. I was not ready for him to meet her, but she ran outside when I opened the door to come in after he dropped my car off (he took it to get the oil changed and put some kind of coating on the windshield and got new wipers - all of his own accord) and there he was. So I let her say, 'Hi.'

I believe that was the begining of the end. I told The Guy about The Old Guy. I had to tell him because I would want him to tell me if he was ever going to have some strange woman hanging around My Baby.

I tried to limit contact between The Old Guy and The Baby, but he really wanted to spend time with both of us, so we went to a movie together. It went well, but I realized that I might not be able to handle someone else trying to steer my child to being better behaved.

The Old Guy then started talking about how he was glad that we fizzled out before because he wasn't ready for anything serious back then and how glad he was that I had contacted him in May. He started saying how he was finally ready to settle down, get married, have kids. Oh dear, I know to most women, that's like a glorious and melodious songs spewing from a mans lips. To me, it was like fingernails on a chalkboard, like the screeching tires of a car coming to a sudden stop.

I felt that I was leading him on after that. I couldn't shake the feeling that this 'relationship' was all wrong. I mean, I couldn't stand the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend', and we had been dating for three months. That's not a good sign.

So I broke it off. He took it well, so I thought. Then he started writing. Now, he had written before, but it's just unsettling to keep getting letters in the mail after you've already broken up with somebody. Especially when these letters are written on pretty green stationary with butterflies and flowers with matching envelopes.

Then came the long e-mails. He started therapy and he would write to me about how his therapy sessions were going:

Subject: Good therapy session

"You,

First,I'm not expecting these letters to change things.

Second,I'm not expecting you to reply to these letters. I'm not even expecting you to read these emails.

I enjoy communicating, and I'm writing these emails for me. If you want to read them, then that's fine. And I'm certain that these letters will cease soon anyway, so minimal worries on your part."

Ah, thank you for giving me permission to read my own e-mail...

I received this first e-mail the day I found out that my good friend/mygood friends grandmother had died. I have now blocked his e-mail address and will not be getting any more of his e-mails. As much as I wanted to, I did not tell him. He doesn't know that I'm not getting his e-mails, so if they are helping him, then thank God for that cause he needs all the help he can get.

At one point while we were dating, I got mad at The Guy and his family and, in the midst of a vent, said to The Old Guy, "Well maybe I just won't invite them to the birthday party then! *harumph*" He took me as being serious and from then on was expecting that he would be at the birthday party instead of The Guy and his family. I tried to let him down easy, I thought he took it well. I was wrong.

I got a letter in the mail a few days later. Essentially he wished that I would have called him during the birthday party (that I had already been stressing about) and while we were at the Aquarium the next day with The Guy. Just so that he would know that I was thinking of him.

AH - I'm tired of writing about him. So, in short, he turned out to be very needy and insecure and in need of constant validation for his actions.

All things that I don't have the time or the patience to deal with in a man when I am already dealing with them in toddler form.

*whew*

I feel better.

CROP Hunger Walk - Please Help

Hi Everyone -

My church does this every year. I will be walking this year. I'm still debating whether or not to bring Eva with. I've never been good about getting donations. This year, I'm trying to change that.

This is the generic letter that they suggest to e-mail to people. I don't like generic, but I'm including it anyways. If there is any way you can help I would greatly appreciate it.

*HUGS* and thanks for reading!

Hunger is an issue that is very important to me and I have decided to get involved! I am walking in the CROP Hunger Walk and I need your help. Our donations will support life-saving programs around the world. Join me and our family and friends as we work together to solve this world-wide challenge.

You can be the difference, and you can start by making a donation online. Click on the link below and you will be taken to my personal donation page where you can make a secure online credit card donation.

Thank you!

http://www.cropwalkonline.org/goto/formofjane

My new new glasses!!

I finally got my glasses replaced a month or so ago. I paid half price for the same frames because they were still under warranty and whatnot. I went to the Sears that is on my way home from work and they had to call the Sears I went to initially to confirm that it ahd been less than a year since I bought them.

Once they had that done, they just grabbed a new pair, popped the lenses out of the old pair and popped them into the new pair!!

Not only does this pair have both arms, but they haven't been fun over by a go cart either!!

SCORE!

On a side note, The Baby will be 2 in less than a month. What am I going to do with a 2 year old?! Yeah, yeah, I know, same thing I've been doing with the nearly 2 year old. It just seems like it's going to be drastically different and I don't know why. I don't have any drastic changes planned... Well, unless she remembers how to climb out of the crib again...

Somebody save me!!

I am OVER it!! I am SO over it!!

I am OVER the cutesy sweet things that he is doing just so he 'can see me smile'.

STOP it with the poems! Stop saying things just because you know they are sweet things to say and you think they will make me go, "Awwww, you are SO sweet!!"

NOW I am worried that HE is going to say something and I actually AM going to throw up in my mouth - just a little...

/rant

How does one forget something like this?

A couple weeks ago, I was all set to go out for my birthday with friends. My birthday was on a Wednesday, so I had made plans for Friday night and Saturday night of the following weekend. A weekend in which The Guy was supposed to take Eva, except that apparently, he FORGOT.

I called multiple times Friday night. I called his mother and said, 'If he's not here in the next half hour, I'm going to have to bring her over to you.' To which she replied, 'Well, we're not going to be here tonight...'

She tried to call him, she had his brother try to call because apparently, if he's going to pick up for anyone, it would be his brother. Alas, our attempts were to no avail. I finally left him a REALLY nasty message (yeah, I'm that crazy person). I took The Baby to the in-home daycare she goes to during the day and they watched her over night for $35. She did well, I was happy about that.

I called The Guy the next morning. His mom supposedly handed him the phone but he never said anything, I sat there for WAY too long waiting for him. I was crying when I told The New Guy what was going on with The Guy. The not saying anything on the phone was reminiscent of when he would not talk to me until I finally had to tell his parents myself that I was filing for child support. He didn't even meet her until she was 6 months old!! Hell, The New Guy met her by chance when she was 4 months old!

Anyways, I called his mom and told her what was going on. She said she would see what she could do when she got home. She called me a few hours later to tell me that she didn't know what was going to happen. Then, as soon as I hung up with the daycare asking her to watch Eva for a second night in a row, The Guy's mom calls and says I can bring Eva over if I want to.

me: "Is The Guy going to be there?"
mom: "Yes, he will be here."
me: "Is he going to talk to me?"
mom: ".... I really don't know ...."


Well, I guess since it seems his legs are broken and he couldn't drive to come pick up his daughter (sarcasm and not that I had the time to wait on him anyways) I was gracious enough to take her over there. I picked her up early the next day (after my swing dancing lessons) and took him out back and beat the shit out of him. Okay, okay, so he merely followed us out to the car and I slapped him really hard on the shoulder(I wanted to slap him in the face) and 'told' him to NEVER do that to me again.

It seems his excuse for forgetting was that he hadn't heard from me that morning, and he didn't get my voicemails until 7:30 that evening and then he was asleep when his mom gave him the phone the next morning. Also, his fingers are broken so there wasn't any possible way he could have called me back (again, sarcasm, he's perfectly healthy).


I told him I wanted him to pay the $55 for the swimming lessons Eva is taking, the $35 for the cost of her spending the night at the daycare and $20 for the gas I wasted going back and forth and back and forth. He pulled out a $100 bill. It was the only cash he had on him. I gave it back to him. Because I'm crazy. I didn't want to be carrying around a $100 bill; I didn't want to take all the cash he had and I wanted the whole $110 right then and he didn't have it.

I'm going to call him in the morning and remind him to bring me the $ that I asked for and it will also hopefully be a reminder that he needs to PICK UP HIS DAUGHTER.

alright, I'll admit it...

I really like this guy. I'm not sure how I feel about liking somebody like this. I keep catching myself thinking about saying something smarmy and sickeningly sweet more times than I'd care to mention.

You know what keeps me from saying them? Well, other than the fact that I'm not even sure I would mean them the way they would be interpreted, I'm afraid that as soon as I say somthing like that, something equally as opposite is also going to fall out my mouth. Like:

"Ugh, that was so sweet I think I just threw up a little in my mouth..."

How's that for a mood killer?

I just deleted a really good friend from my life.

He's been kind of an on and off Bipolar friend for the past three years. We had kind of a 'Buddy' thing going on the past few months.

I guess I started getting too close. He doesn't like that. He scared shitless that I will find out that he really is the horrible person he thinks he is.

He called me today and said that he thinks we shouldn't see each other anymore.

When we were dating, he broke up with me the day before Valentines day because of this same shit.

I'm happy for him. He wants to move on, move on. But leave me the FUCK out of it. (excuse my language)

I just sent him the following e-mail:

"Some things I want you to know:

You are like family to me.

You are the ONLY guy friend I feel comfortable around.

I know you don't like letting people get close and I totally understand you wanting to move on... finally. I just want you to know that I don't appreciate this crap. I'm not mad, I'm not upset, I am just tired. Tired of dealing with your back and forth attitude toward me.

I care about you. I want you to be happy and if this is what it takes for you to be happy then that's fine, but I don't want to deal with this ever again.

I thought we had an understanding. I thought things were good. I've been dating of sorts. I was finally ready to get out again. So I guess this is good for both of us, then. Letting go? Well, then let's do it completely. You don't have to be scared that I'll get too close anymore cause I won't ever be close to you again. Emotionally or physically.

Please don't take this as hostile. It's just matter of fact. We obviously don't need each other anymore. I enjoy your company. You are an intelligent guy and you have a great sense of humor and I love just talking to you. It's just not worth it anymore. I'm really glad you told me up front instead of letting us have another weird night like Saturday. Psh, and I thought it was my fault. I should have left right then.

Well, I'm done.

Delete my number from your phone, you won't need it anymore. I've already deleted yours. This is what we need - a clean break. No backtracking.

Okay, I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, [insert name here]... Goodbye."

I then proceeded to delete him from my address books on my e-mail, delete him from my facebook and myspace. I'm about ready to delete all correspondence so that I don't have to worry about being tempted.

We have mutual friends, I'm sure there is no way to completely cut him out of my life, but I am damn sure gunna try.

I hate him when he does this to me. I feel like he cares about me, but he really doesn't want to. So I'm done.

donedonedoneDONE.

and to top it all off, I just cried on the phone to one of our mutual friends for a half an hour.

tell me I'm not crazy.

This is the Third time I've cried because of him and I don't cry over boys. This was the last straw. [expletive deleted].

She has officially forgotten...

So, we haven't been using the crib for the past few months. It had become a storage area for toddler clothes.

Well, The Baby's sleep schedule has been way off since the road trip and she hasn't been wanting to go to bed until 10:30 - 11 at night. So tonight, as she was fighting me at 8, it dawned on me that she had her own bed with prison bars.

I threw all the clothes out onto my bed, put her pillow and her teddy bear in the crib and then deposited her heinie onto the little mattress.

So, guess who has forgotten how to climb out of the crib?

WOOT!!

I wonder how long this will last...

I haven't gotten much sleep...

The baby has been off in her sleep habits since out road trip to San Antonio to visit my mom a couple weekend ago. (it was a surprise, I'll elaborate later) So she has been not wanting to go to bed on time and I'm a pushover. tonight, she went to bed by 9!! I'm so proud!!

So, I should be sleeping because although she has been going to bed late, she has still been getting up early. Sucky.

So, if any posts I make seem to be rambly and pointless, you know why.

good night...

Glasses....

Sooooo..... The baby broke my glasses.



The day before Mother's day.



Some gift, huh?



She had already gotten ahold of my sunglasses a few months ago. I still use them. They work fine, see?

Yep, just fine!

I caught her taking them out again a month or so later and yelled, "NOOOOOOO!!!" Kinda like when everything goes slow motion? Well, I startled her and she closed them, put the back in the case, stuck the case back in my purse and closed my purse.

She's so cute.

Anyways - yeah, my regular glasses, not quite as usable as my sunglasses still are.

AND - they don't fix glasses when the arm comes off, but if they still have the same pair, they'll sell it to you again so that you don't have to go get all new lenses!! WOO! (sarcasm) They didn't have the same frames. It'll be a while before I get my glasses back. poop.

oh well...

Love...

LOVE

is a BOG OL' CROCK of...

okay, okay, let's not get vulgar here...

let's see if I can make my point in a nicer manner.

I am usually very optimistic person, but this topic is where you will find cynical side rear it's ugly head. I have no faith in love. I have no faith in peoples ability to understand these feelings. Love is a feeling where many people go with their gut, be damned the consequences.

I don't understand how someone could think they are in love after such a short time. I've dated guys for less than three months before who would say they loved me.

I don't think this is appropriate.

At first, I would say it back. I was young it was no big deal. What? You love me? Ok, cool, love you, too. Eventually I would start feeling bad cause I really didn't mean it and since I knew I didn't mean it, how could I be sure that they knew enough about what they were feeling to adequately define it? What if they were just saying it because they thought it was the right thing to say? What if I'm over analyzing everything way too much? (that was a joke, the answer is obvious)

Still. How long is long enough for someone to be able to say they are truly in love? Obviously it varies from person to person. For me, I won't say it unless I mean it. I won't type even type out the words if I don't mean them. I will, however, type things like, 'luv yah', 'luv you', 'luv, me' and the like. Saying something like that, in that manner, makes it not such a serious thing to say. at least in my head.

To be honest, I have actually corrected a boyfriend who told me he loved me after only a month of sporadic dates. "I Love you." "HA - no you don't!"

I admit, not my best moment, but that's what I felt. I felt he, in no way, knew enough about me to be able to love me. I'm sure he loved the idea of me, but not me.

I have often wanted to say 'I love you' to someone, in the heat of passion, a make out session or something of that nature, but I have always refrained. I know I would just be saying because it seemed like an appropriate thing to say at the time. I would not have meant a single word. Sure, I might have loved what was going on, but it definitely wouldn't have meant the same to him since it meant nothing to me. (the words)

I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in attraction and infatuation as things that drive one to get to know another person, but the phrase, "We fell in love the very fist time we gazed into each other's eyes," is just wishy-washy, smarmy and all round sickening.

It literally makes me cringe whenever I hear people in new relationships tell each other, "I Love You!" I always think, how long have you two even been dating?! How well do you even know each other?! Y'all are still in that awkward phase where you won't even FART in the same HOUSE!

I guess I just know, deep down inside that one of them will do something to hurt the other. I just know it. But all the good times will seem like enough to outweigh the bad things, but they never do, do they? You can forgive, but you never forget, no matter how hard you try.

I don't want to fall in Love because deep down, I know, either I will cause them pain myself, or they will do something to cause me pain which will in turn, cause them pain. What a twisted mind I have, huh?

Well, I guess my point is - don't tell me that you love me unless you mean it. Don't tell anyone that you love them unless you truly believe you do. I don't take kindly to BullShit.

Actually, I guess the real point is. If you are male. I don't trust you.

Cute? not so much...

So, I know it's been a while - I was sorta off put by a very rude comment somebody tried to post.

anyways - I don't have much to say except to leave you with a story from this past week.

If you were a really close friend in HS, you would know that, although I do not have much of an ass, what I do have jiggles not unlike jell-o.
It has not changed much except for that it might just be a little bigger since I had The Baby. (ie: whatever I had on top before the baby, has just repositioned itself onto my rear.)

So, the other day, I was in the kitchen washing dishes, pantsless. Don't ask me why, just go with it. The Baby comes running in with her arms raised as high as they could go and smacks me in an attempt to get my attention.

Where did she smack me, you ask?

Well, as you might have guessed from my little back story... yep, in just the right spot to get my jell-o jigglin'. Cause that was as high as she could reach.

She stopped for a second and giggled.

Then she hit me again....

and again...

and again...

and by this time, she is full out laughing.

Now, I can't do much with my hands in hot soapy water, but when I did turn around, she ran off, giggling.

Guess she knew I wouldn't think it was that funny...

Oh the joys of Motherhood.

and now that you all have an absolutely wonderful image of me in your heads, I will bid you all a good night.

...

Have you ever felt like you knew someone cared, but you just got that feeling that they wish they didn't? *sigh*

I don't get it....

So, I went out dancing last night - it was wonderful.

I got stuck with some guys who had no idea how to dance, but I think I got just as many good dances out of other guys to make up for them.

I got slightly drunk, but started drinking only water at about 12:45 and I was out til at least 3am, so I wasn't even tipsy driving home. I did, however, have to freakin' pee SO bad the whole way home! At least that kept me awake, huh?

By the end of the night, most of the good dancers had gone home, and pretty much all that was left were the drunk guys who didn't know how to dance in the first place. One of my last dances was teaching a guy how to dance, it was fun though, he was sweet.

To be clear:

Now, I don't go out to pick up guys, I go out to dance. I have a strict 'No' policy.

"Can I have your number?"
"No, I don't give out my number."

"Can I drive you home."
"No, thank you."

"Wanna come back to my place and maybe watch a movie or something?"
"Ummmm.... NO."

"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Sure!"

Okay, okay, so maybe it's not that strict, but I did refuse drinks after I decided that I needed to be drinking water.

To reitterate:

I don't go out to pick up guys. I do not go out to string some guys along all night before I drop the bomb that I'm not going home with them either. I feel that I am very clear.

Don't try to kiss me. Keep your hand off my ass. Don't look down my shirt!

I go out to DANCE. That's it. Really. I may be rusty and unable to keep time as well when I sing, although I'll be singing every single song.... I am there to have a night of fun. Maybe have a few drinks, and it's just a bonus if I don't have to pay for them! I don't want one guy hanging all over me because then, all the guys will think I'm taken and be to scared to ask me to dance! UGH!! Just back off!! I'm not looking for some kind of one night stand, I'm not looking for any kind of relationship, I'm just looking for a dance!!

Sorry - little vent... too bad it won't change anything...

Alright, now, to get to the point. - I Don't Get It.

How is it that I can go out and it doesn't matter whether I am dressed up or just wearing jeans and a black tank top, I will have guys all over me, trying to kiss me, wanting to get my number, trying to impress me whatever....

and I really just don't want anything to do with them for anything other than a little 'friendly' flirting for the night? BUT they are insistant, they ask multiple times for my number after i tell them no. I tell them to find somebody else to dance with and they catch me at the other end of the bar once I've gone to buy my drink or whatever. They let me talk and talk and tell them how I just can't be in a relationship, and then still try to kiss me.

How can I get all this and not want any of it, but the guys I DO want to hang out with, the ones that I make plans to hang out with, just kinda blow me off?!

This one guy, I've known him for years, I love hanging out with him and talking to him and really just being with him, but he moved an hour away. I don't have my own car at the moment, so I made plans. I got a ride out there, I hung out with another friend who lives in the same city and told him all about my plans and whatnot. So, when I call this guy to tell him I'm in town and to see when he wants me to come over - he doesn't answer. All day. I'm calling, he's not answering and not calling me back.

In my head I just know that he's mad at me for choosing to hang out with someone else first or something, which I know is crazy, but I've been crazy like that ever since I got pregnant over two years ago. I just knew he was looking at his phone, seeing that I was calling and putting his phone right back in his pocket and continuing whatever conversation he was having.

I was crushed. That whole week after, I was just so upset, wondering why I hadn't heard from him and why he didn't want to see me and wondering if he just didn't know how to tell me that he doesn't really want to see me. So, does this sound like a high school flashback for y'all yet?

Well, we've 'talked' since. I tried to be cute. When we first made plans, I made him an 'offer' to return something to him personally. So I sent him a text this past wednesday saying the offer will expire in 3 days. He apparently forgot all the 'fine print' I had to painstakingly type out into to consecutive texts when we were first making plans. (with my new job, I'm always sending e-mails and I have to sound professional)

He's not mad at me, which I knew was just silly me in the first place. He apologized once I got upset and told him:

"All I wanted to do was see you again - you blew me off - I tried again - that's it - I won't try again - i got it, ok? :'("

I guess he didn't realize how much it hurt me. I mean, I'm okay, there wasn't any permanent damage that I know of, but I'm glad he knows how I feel now.

I still feel like he's one of my best friends. I miss him.

That's IT.

I'm DONE typing this crap. I'm going to bed. I don't even know what this says, so if it reads like gibberish, I'm sorry.