Speedzone

So last week, my new job had an emplyee fun day or something like that.

We all went to SPEEDZONE!! woohoo... : D

We were allowed to bring 2 people, but, ya'know? who the heck am i gunna be able to bring that doesn't have to work from 2-5 on a friday?!

well, anyways, it was great fun, got to get to know the people I work with more (mostly crazy guys who probably ALL thought I was 17). We got a card that was good for three hours from the time we got there or whenever we first swiped it but then, they closed down one of the best racetracks for an hour long private while we were there!! So, I guess someone complained enough because while we were walking back outside, one of the managers saw my shirt with the company logo on it and came running up to me and told me, "Tell your group that I'm adding an extra hour to y'all's cards!!"

AWESOME!!

wait... I can't stay til 6!! The daycare closes at 6 and I still have to pick my dad up from work!! LAME.

So, when I'm getting ready to leave at 5 when most everyone else has left to beat traffic already, I go up to the counter and complain saying that the extra hour isn't worth anything if I can't stay. So, they recode my card so that it has however much time i had left on it for me to use next time i feel the need to go racing! KEWL. I'll probably lose the card anyways though. *sigh* oh well...

Well, when they finally opened up the other track, I went and got in line with the guys. At the end of our race time. one of them bumps me from the side so i swerve a little and then, Mr. A. (remember him?) rams me!! Hard enough that my glasses FLY off my face (my NEW glasses thankyouverymuch) and onto the track somewhere where I learn a little later that they were run over by someone else. We were supposed to be coming in to park when my glasses flew off, so I couldn't see and just kinda stopped doing anything to steer which made me run into the entrance quite crookedly so much so that it was completely blocked and no one could get past me.

There were 4-5-6 people stopped behind me and I was sitting there hyperventilating in my car cause I couldn't see. I couldn't see enough to be sure they weren't in my car because to look around, I would have to unbuckle, and I think that was against the rules. When Mr. A. asked me what was wrong, all I could get out was a pitifull little scream, "I CAN'T SEE!!" He kept asking me if my glasses were in my car and all I could say is, "I CAN'T SEE!!"

Finally, the guy that was running the race ran over to look around the track. Thank goodness he found them. I was nearly to tears by the time Mr. A. told me the guy had found them.

The frames are a little scaped up, but the lenses look fine. THANK GOD!!

It was quite an ordeal for me. It was especially nice to inform Mr. A. of the 'huge' bruise on my back from the 'accident'.

can you see it?

all in all, it was a good day, although a larger portion of the office now knows that I have a baby. That was something I might have liked to keep to myself a bit longer...

Yeah, I'm kinda awesome, I know.

Well, it's been a while hasn't it?

Quite a bit has happened, but I think, today, you will only hear the one I like the best. Because I am tired of being mad; I am tired of being stressed and I am tired of dealing with CRAP!!

So, last Saturday, since I was sans baby for the weekend, I decided to go out for the night. Cowboys is a nice place. I like to dance, it's fun! It's been SO long since I've been out there, too. At least 4 months, if not longer. I started dancing in May of 2005 and I've always gone to Cowboys.

Now, usually, I would go to Cowboys Red River which is only 5 minutes from my house and I know practically every bouncer in the place but, this time, I think that isprecisely the reason why I decided to go out to Cowboys in Arlington.

Now, why did I opt for a 30 minute drive as opposed to a straight 5 minute one? Theres a simple answer. Same amount of people. Bigger dance floor. Cuter Bartender.

So, I get there, it's not ladies night so there's no free valet, so I find a parking spot that is a straight shot from the entrance. I get out and make this long and drawn out sexy walk to the door, which brings over an extra bouncer who I believe I've flirted with before. (The faces get blurry in my head the longer it is between visits.) I reach into my pocket to pull out my ID only to realize that both my bank card and my ID are sitting on my desk in front of the computer where I left them when I check my balance online. DAMNIT.

Here is what I remember from my conversation with the two bouncers at the door:

B1: "Valid driver's liscence or ID, please"
B2: "Hey man how's it going over here blah blah blah"
Me: (CRAP - what I thought when I realized what was missing from my pocket) *sigh* "Sorry guys, I've left my Id and my card at home so I can't even pay to get in."
B1: "Well, I need a valid ID to let you in..."
B2: "You changed pants before you came out didn't you? I bet they're in your other pants. I do that all the time."
Me: "Yeah, I'll have to go home and get them." (I am SO dreading that shamful walk back to the car)
B2: "Yeah, that sucks"
B2 to B1: I mean, I know she's old enough to get in, I've seen her here before..."
B1: *think think think* "What's your birthdate?"
Me: *spouts off birthdate*
B2: "Dude, it doesn't matter she said she doesn't have a way to pay to get in!"
B1, turns to B2: "Put her on the list."
B2: "Huh?"
B1: "Take her inside and tell them to put her on the list."
B2: "Oh! C'mon, honey. We'll take care of yah."

So, Bouncer #2 takes me inside and up to the counter. He tells the lady behind the cash register to put me on the list and even has her stamp my hand to say I am over 21 and legally allowed to drink.

Lets review:

~ went to a bar/dancehall and forgot my ID and $.
~ was going to make the hour roundtrip to go home and come back
~ got in anyways

I'd say it was already a good night.

Let's add in a few pretty good dances and the fact that both the manager and the HOT bartender bought me drinks.

I think we need to label this a really good night.

The only way it could have been better is if I had someone to... oh let's leave that up to your imagination.

The Moral to this story?

This Chic is HOT. (and modest, I know) The End.

Google

So, I was reading Cosmo the other day... I don't get cosmo, mind you, it was in the library with me saying, "Read me, READ me!! I have pretty colors on my cover!! READ ME!!" So I thought, why the heck not, what's it going to hurt?

On the cover there was a title that caught my eye, I only had so long before my next class, I had no time for browsing through the pages one-by-one. So I turned to page (insert page # here) and began to read "4 Things All Guys Keep Private".

Number one: We masturbate. A LOT.

*ahem* big whoop

Number two: blah blah blah
Number three: blah blah blah

it was the last one that really got me:

Number four: We Google you.

WHAT?! Not that I think you're going to come up with anything special with my name, but... well, let me check... I'll be right back...

...

...

hmm.... this is what I got:
Pink virgins, free japanese schoolgirl virgin

I think that scares me...

So, you don't get much if you Google my real name, but I don't want guys googling my SN either! Mainly because they don't need to be reading this blog and then using it to try and get together with me. That's really kind of creepy.

So, don't google me. Got it?

A Full Weekend

We flew to Arizona this weekend for my cousin's wedding. It was beautiful. My cousins are great! I don't get to see them very often, so it's nice to see everyone in the same place at the same time that I am out there.

[i]ESPECIALLY[/i] my Uncle Jerry.

This was the first time in my 20+ years of life that I have actually met him in person. Sure, I've seen a couple pictures around, but I was seriously starting to believe that he had been photoshopped into them and that he didn't actually exsist. I was wrong, though. He does exsist. He actually took professional pictures for the wedding. Hopefully, I will get some of the candids cause we ALL know that the Baby was in the midst of everything she could be.

After the wedding, when my uncle came out and announced the new bride and her husband, there was the baby, standing in the doorway and blocking their way. She was almost knocked down by my cousin's dress!! Did the Baby care? nope, I doubt she even noticed. She was too busy checking to see if anyone was blowing bubbles outside.

After the wedding, we took the Baby back to my Grandmother's house and changed her into clothing more suitable for a baby on the move and proceeded to the reception.

There was an open bar. I choked down a 'way-too -much-pepper-and-tabasco' Bloody Mary and then went back for something sour, they didn't have any sour apple, so i sat there for a few minutes staring at what they had and finally said, "Well, then how about something with that amaretto?" and the lady said, "How about an Amaretto Sour?" PERFECT!!

Dinner was buffet style-ish and the Baby thought everything was horrendous except for the bread and the chocolates. I gave her a bite of chicken. She opened her mouth and as soon as it touched her tongue, she made this disgusted face and turned her head away. So I put it on the table in front of her. Apparently, it was more disgusting to look at than it was to taste, beacuse a few minutes later, I look over and she grabs the bite of chicken off of the table and proceeds to SMASH it between her hands and throw it on the floor. I feel sorry for the cleaning crew. After dinner, I let her down from the highchair and she spent the majority of the night dancing happily with a spoon... yes, I said a spoon.

After dinner there were more pictures and lots of dancing, including, but not limited to, the electric slide, the macarena and the chicken dance. Fun was had by all.

Now, the highlight of a wedding would be the bouquet and garter toss, right? Seems to me that noone really gets excited about these anymore, because noone wants to get married next!! Well, ladies, have no fear, you do not have to get married any time soon because I, yes [i]I[/i], have caught the bouquet and I'm starting to think it might have the opposite effect on me. For, you see, ladies, this is not the first time I've caught the bouquet at a wedding. The last time was when I was 4-5 months pregnant with The Baby. I see NO wedding bells in my future.

I really wasn't going for it either time, well, I was, but really just out of reflex, y'know? The first time, the bride barely threw it and I had to take a large enough step to cover half the distance between her and us. The only thing that was going through my mind was, "OMG!! It's going to hit the ground!!" I tried to get them to do a do-over, but her mother would have none of that talk.

This time, the bride [i]really[/i] threw the bouquet and it was going over everyone's head. Me, being 6 feet tall in my heels, just reached up and caught a loop of ribbon on my thumb. Lucky me.


The trip was great fun, but I was sick the whole plane ride back. I went to bed early Sunday night with a fever of 101.1 and 600mg of Ibprofen in my system.

yeah, that's right, I said I've got a crush...

So, seriously, this has GOT to stop!

There's this really cute and funny guy in one of my classes and I SWEAR that every single sentence that came out of my mouth and was directed towards him today contained sexual innuendo, whether or not it was intended!!

DAMMIT!

let's hope he didn't notice so that I can continue to crush in peace! Thank goodness he's growing the facial hair back! I need it to crush!

fun times, fun times...

So, yesterday, the Baby comes running into the living room waving her diaper at me. She throws it on the floor, turns around to look at me for a split second and then runs back out of the room. Nekkid.

okay, then. I guess I'll let her air out for a bit...

damnit *grr*

I know the times are weird, but I wrote this earlier today and then later... and then later... you'll get it

so.... it's 2:03 and I swear she said she would be here at 2 and then told me she meant 1:50 because she's always early....

maybe she said 3?

well, the living room is 'clean'... I moved boxes around to make more room and put all the newspapers in a box and all the mail in a couple big present bags and stuck them in my dad's bathroom!! (shh... don't tell!! hopefully she won't want to see my dad's bedroom, because I take no responsibility for THAT one!!)

oh!! and I've even taken a shower!!

______________________________________

My house is a tiny little box. It's really great because the bedrooms are so big and we have a porch with a swing (we mentioned getting a swing to put there when we were talking to the landlord about moving in - he also put in a doggie door and built a ramp for the dogs outside cause the step is a foot steep - he's awesome). We don't have a hallway, we have a room that connects 4 rooms. The backyard is probably 3 or 4 times as big as the house itself.

So, when you walk in, you're in the living room, if you go through the doorway in front of you, you would be in my dad's room. if you went to the left from the living room, you would be in the connecting room. To your left in the connecting room it the kitchen, which also connects back to my dad's room. in front of you would be the bathroom and to your right would be my room!! there you go a tour of my house. Hope you enjoyed it!!

______________________________________

Okay, so my best friend who moved to Colorado 6 years ago just called and we talked for over an hour and the lady still never showed up. I really don't feel like calling her to see what's going on, so I'll just pretend that I lost her card. cause it's almost 4 now... guess I lucked out... at least the living room is 'clean'...

______________________________________

So, my dad had tickets to the baseball game today at 1. I told him I couldn't go because that lady was supposed to be here at 2. Do you know how pissed I am? She's lucky I'm happy having a semi clean house... *harumph*

New Glasses!! Yay!!

So, yay!! I got new glasses!! I'm so excited!! And, as I have been informed, that does, in fact, make me a whale penis(dork)!!

It was time for a new pair anyways, lets just say that Eva has had her way with the old pair...

They never quite fit the same after something like that...

I had to take these pictures special because, apparently, I don't think I can take a good picture unless my head is tilted slightly....

These are my old glasses:

and these are my NEW glasses!!:

and even in these, my head is slightly tilted. Habit I guess...

So, they are a pretty big change, I haven't had plastic frames in YEARS....

actually, the last pair of plastic frames I had were these:

yeah, they pretty much ate my face... and not in a good way...

but, alas, my prescription has changed so much that I can no longer wear those without getting a migraine... *sigh* so sad...

(yes, I did take ALL of these pictures today, which means I still have that particular pair in my possession... I dig them out whenever I need a laugh! heh.)

this is my favorite part of my new glasses!! They are light blue on the inside of the frames!!

No Need To Fear....

If you only knew how relieved I felt right now!! I just breathed the biggest sigh of relief that I could manage without waking the baby.

There is now no need to fear that I will be arrested and the car will be impounded because I have FOUND my driver's liscence!!

and can you guess where it was?

In the laundry, in the back pocket of a pair of shorts that I NEVER wear!!

I was in there tonight putting things in the wash and I wasn't going to put them in because I wasn't planning on wearing them and I take out the tie string before I wash them, which is way too much of a pain for a pair of shorts I probably won't even wear anyways!!

Then, i thought, "Eh, what the heck, might as well, at least it'll get them out of here." I picked them up and, lo and behold, there, sticking WAY out of the back pocket is the plastic wallet picture holder that I keep all my important cards and pictures in. i.e.: my driver's liscence, my bank card (which I recently replaced), my Sam's card, my library card, my favorite picture of the baby at Christmas and my favorites from her 6 month photo shoot at Sear's (which she screamed through BTW).

I'm so happy. I was so afraid I had lost those pictures and didn't have replacements!!

I just cut my canceled bank card in half. It was a bittersweet moment. We'd been through so many stores together... *sniff*

So, anyways, I can 'legally' drive around again!! WOO HOO!! Go me!! Now if only I could find the OTHER plastic wallet picture holder that I lost earlier this year...

I hate thinking up titles...

Well, I talked to him and he says he has no idea who called CPS on me, but I know that it would have to be someone in his family. Only one of them has ever been to my house and that was a long time ago. I'm never going to be comfortable around his family E.V.E.R. again. Which is horrible because they are so nice, but that in itself, is what makes it so much worse!! How can they be so nice to me and then go behind my back like that without even getting the whole story from ME?!

We talked for a couple hours Saturday night. I ended up going on and on about things he probably didn't need, nor want, to know. Things like how messed up my hormones are since I got preggo and how extremely crazy I get every month. He said he would take it as a warning. I told him he was smart.

I think he just lets me talk and talk and talk because he thinks I'll forget what I was talking about initially, but that doesn't happen when it's something serious, I'll just keep going back to it until I get the response I'm looking for. He'll learn.

We went over to his house yesterday evening with the thought that we would go see some hot air balloons at the balloon festival. But, no. I had him make her dinner so she could eat when we got there and then we did nothing. I mentioned going to the park and he shot that idea down saying it was going to be dark soon. So, essentially, I went over there so let him make her dinner. Granted, we did play outside for a little bit and she actually went down her castle slide that he got her for her birthday, but that was not why we went over there!

So, I had him drive us back home a little early because all of his brother's friends came over to watch the football game. I was slightly annoyed that they already knew The Baby. I know it's irrational, but I hate the thought of her being around people that I have never met before. Cause I am that overprotective mom that her (boy)friends *hack cough spit* are going to hate when she gets older.

I didn't say a word the whole ride home, (Excuse me a moment while I go pull my daughter back inside through the doggie door that she sees as an escape route... and a great way to hide things, like my cell phone!!) which is unusual for me because, as I mentioned indirectly earlier, I'm a pretty big talker. I could talk til your ear falls off and runs away. About nothing in particular at all. I take one statement and turn it into an hour long conversation that touches on so many different subjects that all you can do is smile and nod because there is no way you re going to get a word in edgewise unless I ask you a direct question, and even then, I might cut you off by starting on a whole other tangent.

Anyways, I let him come in and do the bedtime routine with her and then walked him to the door and walked outside with him and turned on the porch light. It was obvious he wouldn't be leaving just yet. We talked for a little bit. He says he feels worse about talking the S.C. without asking than he does about drinking alcohol while he was supposed to be watching the baby. He actually mentioned that it wasn't such a big deal because she was asleep and that he wouldn't have done it had she been awake. Which makes me think that he would do it again given the opportunity.

I told him to look me in the eyes and promise me that he would never drink around the baby again. He said it numerous times, but could not look me in the eyes the whole time he was saying it. So I don't know how much I believe him. Although I have known people who could look you directly in the eyes and outright lie to you, so I'm not sure I would still believe him either way.

Someone asked me the other day if I had ever thought of trying to date him. The thought has crossed my mind, once or twice. Whenever he comes over looking especially nice. Or when he's just gotten out of the shower because he had just finished working when he calls me to bring her over.... *daydream* but I'm afraid it's a really BAD idea. I just know that we would have a bad breakup and be so uncomfortable around each other for the next 17+ years.

Although, last night, when I told him that we would never drink together unless we had someone responsible for watching the baby, he became slightly distraught and then said, "Okay, so we would have to have a babysitter!"

He has, on occasion, said things to make me think he would be interested, because, well, lets be serious here, who wouldn't be interested in me!! Okay, so maybe I wasn't being serious. ;) I think, had the circumstances been different when we met, we probably could have had a nice relationship that would have ended rather prematurely because of my need to be in control of E.V.E.R.ything.

I'll bet you anything that he'd have been long gone by now if I wasn't the girl who had his baby.

wow, what a week... what a week...

So, on top of everything else... He called CPS on me.

there is a kind of a hallway/room in my house that connects almost all the rooms together... my house is really small. anyways, at one point, the dogs were using it as a restroom early in the morning and we would have to clean it up everyday, this lasted less than a week.

I told The Guy not to let her crawl through there(I had gates up at all doors except the one to my/her room because i just keep that door closed) because I wasn't sure it was completely clean and I wanted to REALLY clean it before letting her go through there.

He called CPS and reported that my house was unclean and that there were safety hazards (ie: dog feces on the floor).The first time this lady came by, she left a handwritten note on the door.

I tried to call, her phone was off and no one answered the office phone and it didn't say who she was, so I didn't leave a message. I then went through the CPS touch tone service and got transferred to a different person who also wasn't there, but actually had a message on her machine telling me who she was. So I left a message with her, but never heard back. This was a couple weeks ago.

When I told my mom, she automatically said that she guessed we were finally seeing the other side of The Guy, but I told her, "No, I really don't think he would do anything like that!"

guess I was wrong.

The CPS worker came back today and left a card on my door. After I talked to her and she told me what the report was about, I KNEW who made it. I assume there was pressure from his family, which also upsets me because they have been so nice.

I left him a voicemail saying that I didn't want to see him, hear from him, or have anything to DO with him unless he was coming to pick MY Baby up for the weekend that he is allowed to have her.

It may have been a little harsh, but he has completely trashed whatever trust I had in him and I have problems trusting men in the first place! and there it is... that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach... even worse than it was before...

The lady called me back and made an appointment to come back and talk to me at the house for next Wednesday. So we're going to be cleaning this weekend. a LOT.

I'm debating whether or not to go ahead and try to get him to have only supervised visits from now on or not. I think I might bring it up with him first...

Well, I know it's only Thursday and the week is not over yet, but I think I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm not going to hear from The Guy until he absolutely has to talk to me about The Baby.

I've tried to call him. I've left messages for him to call me. I just don't see it happening. I haven't heard from him since the previously mentioned e-mail.

I guess my mom is right; maybe I am kind of scary.

I just can't let him off on this one. I've gotten mad before, but haven't followed through. I get mad, forget I was mad or just don't want to deal with it, so I let it go. I can't do that this time and it sucks!! I HATE being mad for extended periods of time!!

I don't want to send him an e-mail because it's late and I don't want him to call me before he reads the e-mail cause I HATE to repeat myself like that! ... not that I expect him to call tomorrow, though. Just wishful thinking on my part, I guess...

I hate that I have become attatched to my phone this week, just hoping that he might call. When I realize my phone is not on my person, I have to look around until I see it, and if it is in a place where i might not hear it if I leave the room, i put it in my pocket.

This whole situation just makes me sick to my stomach. The more I think about it, the more details I remember and the more I realize how hard he tried to cover it up.

I believe him that he feels like shit about it. So much so that I think it's probably punishment enough. I'm just not sure how much I can trust him anymore...

I'm gunna just go to bed now, maybe I'll feel a little better tomorrow.

leave a comment, so that I know at least someone is reading this!

Southern Comfort.... if only it was like that...

So, I need to give you the background on a bottle of untasted by me Southern Comfort that has been waiting for me for over a year:

I turned 21 in July of '06.

I had my baby shower July 29th of '06.

One of my favorite guys in the world came to my baby shower, but instead of a baby gift, he brought me a birthday gift! A bottle of Southern Comfort. I've never had Southern Comfort and by the time that I was actually able to drink, I had put it somewhere and forgotten about it.

I mentioned it to The Guy one time and you could practically see his ears perk up at the mention of alcohol in my possession. (He was quite the drunk when I first met him, although I haven't seen him drunk since.) He immediately asked me if I knew where it was. I told him that it was in the cupboard because i had found it on my desk in my room and had decided that is probably wasn't a good idea to keep alcohol where the baby can find it. He mentioned that he had noticed it in my room.

So, we've periodically joked about how long it had been since I had had a drink, and he would always mention that I did have that Southern Comfort just sitting around, but I still never took it out of the cupboard.

Well, last month sometime, I had him come over and watch Eva during her nap so that I could go get some stuff done and register for school and whatnot. I was gone for maybe a half an hour.

Sometime last week I opened that cupboard looking for the Febreeze and guess what I found. Yep. A half-EMPTY bottle of Southern Comfort and a shot glass that used to be in a different cupboard.

I actually asked my dad if he had had any of it so that I could be sure that I wasn't falsely accusing The Guy of something he may not have done. I wouldn't have been mad cause my dad didn't know that it was mine, or anything about why it was there, but my dad tells me that he doesn't even like Southern Comfort and had been wondering where it had come from.

Today I thought, "It's going to happen eventually, confront him now before you forget and it's a moot point."

So, I left him a not-so-nice message on his voice mail....

I think it went a little something like this: "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS!! I CAN'T TRUST YOU ALONE IN MY HOUSE FOR EVEN A HALF AN HOUR?!?!? YOU ARE GOING TO BUY ME ANOTHER BOTTLE!!!!"

You know, short and to the point. I'm proud that I didn't even feel the need to use profanity.

Well, he couldn't even 'face' me about it over the phone, but he did send me an e-mail and he seems really sincere in his apology. Say's he really feels like shit and felt like shit as soon as he did it. His exact words: "I'm really sorry about the bottle. I really feel like shit about it. I felt like shit about it since the minute i did it. I'll buy you a new one. I know that doesn't make up for it." Yeah, it's not really about the bottle. It's a trust issue now. I just keep wondering what else is he too afraid to admit to me?

*sigh*

We've got a lot of stuff to work through if we're going to be able to play nice as parents... : /

cause I'm just plain old kinda crazy....

So tonight, I'm having a long drawn out argument, bigger than any other one we've had so far because it encompasses so many aspects of the last year or so, and I keep hearing my phone do that little chirpy noise it does when it's dying. Every time I hear it, i stop in the middle of whatever sentence or word i happen to be saying and so a quick look around to see if it's in plain sight somewhere so I can just turn it off so it will stop chirping.

Yet, every time it chirps, it sounds so close, but is nowhere in sight!

Finally, I'm sitting on the bed after changing a diaper when I hear it chirp again! Now I know it has to be right next to me, cause it sounded so close! I glanced around the bed and when I didn't find it i though, "wait, maybe it's..."

Yep, you guessed it, it was in my pocket.

Bacon and chair lovin', it's been an eventful night

So, we went to IHOP tonight and I have decided that MY Baby cannot possibly be my kid!! She was dancing because she got bacon!! (I am SO not a fan of bacon) She liked it SO much!! She ate the whole piece and was chewing on it FORE.V.E.R!! She would take the piece out of her mouth and hand it to me(oh goodie, soggie bacon for Mommy), only to change her mind and grab it away from me and put it back in her mouth so that she could continue her wonderfully fun bout of bacon chewing.

OH, but that is not the best part of our evening!! No, not even close!!

after we were all finished eating, I let her get out of the booth and walk around as far as my arm would go, when an older, grandparent-y looking couple at a booth near ours said, "you could let her walk over here, we'll send her back!"

So I let her go, but she seems wary of them. So, instead of walking to them, she walks to a chair at a table near us and starts dancing to the music wafting from the IHOP speakers. You know, typical baby dancing, the kind of jumping up and down thing that they do.... but THEN... and I swear I am not making this up.... she starts to 'hump' the chair!!

She goes back and forth in her dancing styles, but always the same two. Jumping up and down, make love to the chair, jumping up and down, "you know you like this" and the whole time I'm thinking in my head, "Please, Please, PLEASE don't let these people think I taught her this!"

I'm STILL mortified!!

"hello? HELLO?!"

So, lately, everytime you hand MY Baby a phone, she'll hold it up to her ear and say "hello?hello?", and, subsequently, she has been crawling under the corner table to get to the house phone so that she can take it off of the charger, hold it up to her ear and say, "hello?hello?".

Of course, every time she does that, I scold her, take the phone away, and remind her that babies don't belong under that table... it's where the dogs go to hide.

So, today, I she was on the other side of the coffee table and I couldn't exactly see her... (if you'd seen my house, you would know why) but I could hear her saying, "hello?hello?"

Now, I knew that she hadn't been under the corner table, cause I would've noticed, and my cel phone was put up, I could see it from where I was sitting, so I could not, for the life of me, figure out what phone she had found!

So I sit up straight and crane my neck to see her over the coffee table and lo and behold, there she was, sitting in the middle of the floor, saying, "hello?hello?" with a playing card held up to her ear!

only MY Baby...

Just once, I would like to have a conversation without any arguing!!

Well, The Guy came over last night. He didn't get to finish his work because it stormed all morning, so he just made himself stop early so he could come over.
When he called before he asked me what I had found out about the insurance and I said, "What do you care? You aren't going to pay anyways!" and he counters with, "well, I was going to offer to pay half..." "except that you already said NO!"

So we argue a little bit about it and he tells me that I was acting like he OWED me this money... WTH? So I told him that even if she had insurance, I might still have to pay some for her appts and he would still have to pay for half of that!

So, even though I got mad at him, he still brought me $50 when he came over last night. Yeah, he's a good guy.

I don't know how he got that I was acting like he owed me for that, all I was trying to get across was that medical bills are not a part of the child support that he pays every month and that, from what I've seen, they are split 50/50.

I just hope I can get her back on medicaid. That would help SO much.

Grrr....

well, The Guy was supposed to watch MY Baby for me last night while I ushered a show by Second City up at the college for one of my classes. He called me around noon and said that he would be home by 6. He then called me at 5:45 to tell me that he still had a lot of work to do because he had picked up some extra stuff to do that day, but that his mom and his aunt would be at his house when I get there and that they would watch her until he got home.

I told him, in not an extremely nice manner, that his DAUGHTER needs to come first. Picking up extra work on a day when he knows that he has a responsibility for that night is NOT OKAY!! I told him that I feel like he NEVER puts her first, and that whether or not he feels like he's doing that, that's the way I see it! It is NOT his family's responsibility to take care of HIS daughter. It is NOT their responsibility to give her her medicine when she's sick. It is NOT their responsibility to put her to bed at night. It is HIS responsibility.

I told him he had better be there before her bedtime so the HE can give her her medicine. I made sure that his family knew that HE was supposed to give it to her and I picked her up early this morning instead of this afternoon like I had planned.

I understand that he has to do work to make money, but he works during the week, too. When this person asked for him to mow his lawn, he should have said, "I have other responsibilities tonight, but I can mow for you next Wednesday." (not that I would ever expect anyone to actually sound like that!! but he could paraphrase)

I asked him to call me when he got home so that I would know that he was there and that he should leave a message because I probably wouldn't be able to answer. Which he did. He's a good guy, really he is.

We had a problem like this last weekend, too. He kept her for the whole weekend and she woke up with a fever early (4am) Sunday morning. He did not call me to tell me until lunchtime and he was also calling to tell me that he was going out to lunch with his uncle who was in town and had left MY Baby with his mom and Aunt again!! (his mom can't pick her up, something is wrong with her wrist, can't quite remember the details, but that's why his aunt is always there with her)

I told him that he is her parent and HE should be the one taking care of her while she is sick!! I'm sure his mom urged him to go to lunch and assured him that she would be fine, but she was SICK, she was not fine to begin with!! I love his mom though, she is such a nice person!! So is his aunt! And, while I applaud them offering to watch her so that he can have some fun, it would have been much more appropriate had she NOT been sick!

*sigh* I just don't know what goes through his head sometimes!

He told me he's going out to Denton this afternoon to see his sister's apartment (That their parents are paying for) and said he was hoping to take the motorcycle. I really hope he takes his truck instead. Motorcycles scare me normally, but it's been raining and I will be worried all day until he calls when he gets back... okay, maybe not all day.... but every time i remember....if I remember.... okay, so maybe I'll remember when he's calling to tell me he's home! I told him he could come over this evening if he wanted and we would go to the park. That's the only reason he would be calling me when he got home.

*sigh*

I wish I wasn't losing my voice...

*sigh*

I have to go wake the baby up to give her her amoxicillin and put eyedrops in her eyes because I forgot to do it before I put her to bed. It's after 11pm now, what a great mom...

Mac N Cheese anyone?

So, our microwave is not exactly new...

The light inside has been burnt out for a couple years i think, so I can't even watch my food spinning around in circles as it is being nuked! *tear* There is a button to push at the bottom of the microwave that is supposed to unlatch the door and let it swing out freely welcoming my food into it's belly. But that never happens when you press the button.

The easiest way to get the microwave door open is to push the button AND push down on the door from the top. ( as if there is another place you can push down from...ha)

Now, this may not seem like a huge problem to others, but there is NO counter space by the microwave at all, and it is damn near impossible to push down on the top of the microwave and push down on the door while holding a very unsteady bowl of macaroni and water!! I mean, there IS space in front of the microwave, but then I would be blocking the door and therefore defeating the purpose of trying to get it open anyways.

So, I usually just press the button and push up REALLY hard on the bottom of the door until it opens, this may be the hard way, but at least I don't have to waste my precious time finding somewhere else to set my food just to open the dang door on the microwave!! (it really is ridiculous isn't it? I'm so lazy!)

"See? Mommy likes it!! It's yummy!!"

So, last night I made The Baby a hot dog. I figured, she knows how to eat string cheese sticks, I think she can figure out hot dogs without choking or something...

So, I make her a hot dog and she takes one little tiny bite and spits it right back out!! So, of course, I want to show her how good it is by taking a bite and saying, "See? Mommy likes it!! It's yummy!!"

So literally she says, "Well, then YOU eat it!!"

okay, so maybe she didn't literally say that, but she meant it!! As soon as I took a bite, she shoved it back into my mouth for me to take another bite and as soon as i had taken my second bite, she shoved it back in my mouth again!! This went on for the whole first half of the hot dog and continued when I brought over the second half to see if she might think it was something different. Nope, no such luck, as soon as I got down in front of her with it, she shoved it right into my mouth! (do you see the pattern here?)

I guess we won't be having hot dogs for dinner again anytime soon...

hmmm....

it has come to my attention that there are some people who think that I have a 'holier than thou' attitude.

let's set the record straight.

I have a sarcastic attitude.

I don't think I'm better than anyone.

Everyone has had different experiences in their lives, I offer my views, take them or leave them, I don't care, but don't talk about me behind my back. I would hate for people to not even try to get to know me just because of a stupid misunderstanding!

I guess I should put a disclaimer on every sarcastic thing I write.... no, cause I would forget and then y'all would think I was serious, and then we'd be right back at square one!!

So, if you don't know me, don't assume stuff about me, ask me about it!!

In time you will grow to love my sarcastic ways!

bad Mommy. very bad Mommy

okay, I admit it, I've been bad. I haven't filled out the paperwork to renew MY Baby's medicaid... probably because I know she won't be elligable anyways. I also admit that I do need to look into getting her on CHIP.

BUT I waited too long. Her was up the beginning of the month and, of course, she is now sick. Yucky green runny nose, green goop in her eyes, a fever that keeps coming back, you know, all the good stuff (minus throwing up, we have none of that, THANK GOODNESS)

So, anyways, she's got a doctor's appt today with her regular pediatrician and they told me it's going to be $60. So I call to ask The Guy if he'll pony up half and what I got from the conversation was that he didn't want to help pay because he wouldn't have to pay if I had filled out hte paperwork so she would still have insurance. He asked me why I couldn't just pay it out of the child support. The rest of the conversation pretty much consisted of me repeating over and over that medical bills are not part of the child support he is paying and his repeating, over and over, "but if you had filled out the paperwork...blah blah blah..."

So I hung up on him.

I was up all the night before doin homework for school. (because I am the WORST procrastinator you will ever meet, hence the fact that I haven't sent out the paperwork yet) and I was dealing with a sick baby, which , unlike him, I cannot pawn off on my parents just so i can go have lunch with someone!! (he did this sunday. She woke up witha fever in the middle of the night and he STILL left her with his mom to go have lunch with his uncle. He hasn't quite figured out that "I have a baby now and can't be selfish" deal) So, I was NOT in the mood to deal with that kind of poop.

Well, he didn't try to call me back, so I'm going to assume that he doesn't really care that much about her welfare and I will not be the one to call him to tell him how the appointment went.

because, regardless of how we got to this point of not having insurance for MY Baby, we ARE here and it needs to be dealt with he should not be focusing on what I should have done, but what needs to be done.

*bleh* that's better.

I just love this picture...

"Bitch, don't make me slap you!"

it's 4am and I'm getting overly emotional....

sometimes, I feel like just telling people, if you REALLY don't like it THAT much, then why are you HERE?!?

I mean, seriously, it is natural that everyone, at some time, is going to reach a point where they REALLY need to vent about something!!

and, of course, when they reach that point, there is also going to be someone there to say, "stop bitching cause things could be SO much worse!!"

and you know what? YEAH things could ALWAYS be worse, and you know HOW they could be worse? if E.V.E.R.yone kept E.V.E.R.ything holed up inside of them!!

like when one of people bitch about your husbands, someone else is thinking, well at least your husband does SOMETHING mine blah blah blah, but then there's people like me who could also be right there saying, well at least you HAVE a husband, now let me tell you what my AD(active dad) just did to piss me off, and then there's others who could also bitch at me saying, well, at least you have an AD I just have an SD!! and then there's other's who say, well at least he's leaving you alone, MY SD is making my life a living HELL!!

so... YOU KNOW WHAT?!? don't judge somebody based on their occasional ranting!! E.V.E.R.yone knows that their situation could be worse, and they don't need some random person coming and sending them on a guilt trip for not appreciating ALL they have ALL the GOSH DAMN FREAKING TIME!!

WOO... it's 4am and if that made sense, I'll eat my socks!!

FYI

I'm a very emotional person... and I DO get upset easily. I've been trying to work on my responses to certain things because I have seen that my reactions don't necessarily get me what I want in the long run.... is: Guys don't like to be yelled at, especially when they don't get a chance to defend themselves in the process.

just to get you started....

here is a synopsis of what you will be seeing here:

I am a single mom.

From here on out, my child will be referred to as Baby and her Father will be referred to as Guy.

I will have a rant about once or twice a month, usually within a two week span. :)
Mostly about Guy's latest 'PISS ME OFF' moment.
Now, I want to state, for the record, right now that Guy is an absolutely wonderful person and I admire him for stepping up the way he has, but Iquestion his decisions and feel he needs to be a more, "Take Charge" kind of person.

Since this is just my initial post, I won't write anything more specific until later :)
mostly cause I'm lazy right now (shhh)

so, look forward to hearing more from me, and if you think you know me, don't ask, caus ei don't want to know who reads this!!

have a great day!!

*HUGS*

<3 ME