I don't get it....

So, I went out dancing last night - it was wonderful.

I got stuck with some guys who had no idea how to dance, but I think I got just as many good dances out of other guys to make up for them.

I got slightly drunk, but started drinking only water at about 12:45 and I was out til at least 3am, so I wasn't even tipsy driving home. I did, however, have to freakin' pee SO bad the whole way home! At least that kept me awake, huh?

By the end of the night, most of the good dancers had gone home, and pretty much all that was left were the drunk guys who didn't know how to dance in the first place. One of my last dances was teaching a guy how to dance, it was fun though, he was sweet.

To be clear:

Now, I don't go out to pick up guys, I go out to dance. I have a strict 'No' policy.

"Can I have your number?"
"No, I don't give out my number."

"Can I drive you home."
"No, thank you."

"Wanna come back to my place and maybe watch a movie or something?"
"Ummmm.... NO."

"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Sure!"

Okay, okay, so maybe it's not that strict, but I did refuse drinks after I decided that I needed to be drinking water.

To reitterate:

I don't go out to pick up guys. I do not go out to string some guys along all night before I drop the bomb that I'm not going home with them either. I feel that I am very clear.

Don't try to kiss me. Keep your hand off my ass. Don't look down my shirt!

I go out to DANCE. That's it. Really. I may be rusty and unable to keep time as well when I sing, although I'll be singing every single song.... I am there to have a night of fun. Maybe have a few drinks, and it's just a bonus if I don't have to pay for them! I don't want one guy hanging all over me because then, all the guys will think I'm taken and be to scared to ask me to dance! UGH!! Just back off!! I'm not looking for some kind of one night stand, I'm not looking for any kind of relationship, I'm just looking for a dance!!

Sorry - little vent... too bad it won't change anything...

Alright, now, to get to the point. - I Don't Get It.

How is it that I can go out and it doesn't matter whether I am dressed up or just wearing jeans and a black tank top, I will have guys all over me, trying to kiss me, wanting to get my number, trying to impress me whatever....

and I really just don't want anything to do with them for anything other than a little 'friendly' flirting for the night? BUT they are insistant, they ask multiple times for my number after i tell them no. I tell them to find somebody else to dance with and they catch me at the other end of the bar once I've gone to buy my drink or whatever. They let me talk and talk and tell them how I just can't be in a relationship, and then still try to kiss me.

How can I get all this and not want any of it, but the guys I DO want to hang out with, the ones that I make plans to hang out with, just kinda blow me off?!

This one guy, I've known him for years, I love hanging out with him and talking to him and really just being with him, but he moved an hour away. I don't have my own car at the moment, so I made plans. I got a ride out there, I hung out with another friend who lives in the same city and told him all about my plans and whatnot. So, when I call this guy to tell him I'm in town and to see when he wants me to come over - he doesn't answer. All day. I'm calling, he's not answering and not calling me back.

In my head I just know that he's mad at me for choosing to hang out with someone else first or something, which I know is crazy, but I've been crazy like that ever since I got pregnant over two years ago. I just knew he was looking at his phone, seeing that I was calling and putting his phone right back in his pocket and continuing whatever conversation he was having.

I was crushed. That whole week after, I was just so upset, wondering why I hadn't heard from him and why he didn't want to see me and wondering if he just didn't know how to tell me that he doesn't really want to see me. So, does this sound like a high school flashback for y'all yet?

Well, we've 'talked' since. I tried to be cute. When we first made plans, I made him an 'offer' to return something to him personally. So I sent him a text this past wednesday saying the offer will expire in 3 days. He apparently forgot all the 'fine print' I had to painstakingly type out into to consecutive texts when we were first making plans. (with my new job, I'm always sending e-mails and I have to sound professional)

He's not mad at me, which I knew was just silly me in the first place. He apologized once I got upset and told him:

"All I wanted to do was see you again - you blew me off - I tried again - that's it - I won't try again - i got it, ok? :'("

I guess he didn't realize how much it hurt me. I mean, I'm okay, there wasn't any permanent damage that I know of, but I'm glad he knows how I feel now.

I still feel like he's one of my best friends. I miss him.

That's IT.

I'm DONE typing this crap. I'm going to bed. I don't even know what this says, so if it reads like gibberish, I'm sorry.