Torn, so very torn.

It's been a good month. I know, I know, I haven't always been able to say nice things about The Guy, but right now, I can't think of anything but nice things.

The month isn't even half over and we've already been to the Cottonwood Art Festival/park (I will be posting some pictures and websites soon), The Texas State Fair and he has just promised to go to three other events with us!

It was the simplest e-mail. I sent him a link to a fall fest event in my town. He replied saying he would go with us and also go to the two other events that we had already talked about. It may be pitch black outside, but I swear my smile just lit up the whole block. I couldn't be happier or more excited!

So excited, and yet, torn at the same time. Hence, the title of this post.

There are times when I think that it might be a good thing to welcome a new romantically inclined relationship with The Guy, but then there is always the 'What If?' factor. What if it doesn't work? What if we wind up hating each other and can't even deign to be civil in one another's presence, even if only for The Baby? What if she hates me because I would be the reason that we hate each other? What if I ruin a budding friendship trying to create my own little happy family?

But then, what if she hates me for never trying? What if it does work? What if we do become that happy family that every little girl wants?

'What If?'

As much as I hate to admit it, I do want to get married and have another baby someday. I know that I am SO not ready for that right now; I don't think I could handle anyone besides myself and The Guy raising The Baby. You see where I am torn? Too scared to move forward, too much to lose going back...

Maybe I am just overly and unusually emotional right now (I get this way sometimes, it's pretty clockwork worthy), but I am happy. Things could get better, things could get worse, but I will do my best to not be the cause of the latter.

I must be tired, I feel like I'm babbling. Goodnight, I have to go change my sheets where The Baby peed on my bed this morning...