Excerpts from my living room...

*slurp slurp*
"Dog." *smack*
*pause* *confused look* *slurp slurp*
"DOG!" *smack*
*gets up and moves away*
"Why you smacking my dog?"
"He's licking his butt!"
"It's his house; I'm sure if you wanted to lick your butt, he wouldn't object."
*slurp slurp*
"In fact, I bet he'd help!"
*pillow flying across room*